Too many invites

Trailrun23 · ‎05-31-2022

It's already started; I have received two wedding shower invites, two baby shower invites, and two wedding invitations....one which is out of state. Add to those two save the date cards and a college graduation. I simply can't afford to buy gifts for all of these... how can I handle this without looking cheap? Gift cards are a definite no. I would like to acknowledge each invite with a gift, but even small gifts are expensive for this many events. I also know buying anything not on a registry is considered tacky. Any ideas? These are all relatives or children/grandchildren of close friends.

Love my grandkids · ‎11-24-2013

@Trailrun23 I personally would not be gifting grandkids of friends. As to the others, send them a card with your love and best wishes. Do not beggar yourself by sending gifts you can't afford and DON'T apologize to any of them for the lack of a gift.

AZfem · ‎04-13-2016

Just because you are sent invitations, doesn't mean you have to attend them all. Its not a court order. Decide which are most important to you and decline the rest. You do not have to send gifts if you do not attend. I would never feel that obligated just because I received an invitation. Its OK to say no.

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

Years ago I received a wedding invite -it was a family situation and we were not on speaking terms...I sent a nice card, no gift...no guilt on my part either.

ThinkingOutLoud · ‎05-01-2020

First, I've never heard that not adhering to the registry is tacky. Maybe it depends on how well thought out it is? Anyway, it sounds like a 'sliding scale' is in order. Basically, the closer the relationship, the more you spend and if you're familiar but not close, you spend less.

JeanLouiseFinch · ‎10-03-2011

You say you want to give gifts to all because you don't want to look cheap but you also acknowledge that you can't afford to do that. How are we supposed to solve that for you? Giving a gift because you don't want to look cheap is the wrong reason for giving a gift.

You are not obligated to participate in any of these. You could attend the weddings w/o attending the bridal shower, or vice versa. Grandchildren of friends is going too far, IMO, and that would be an automatic no for me. Choose which ones you want to participate in and decline the others. Good/close friends will understand and accept your decision.

My good friend's daughter recently married several states away from us. It would have cost us a week's vacation for DH for us to attend, not to mention traveling expenses there and back, hotels, wear and tear on the car, boarding our dog. There was a bridal shower here last September when she and her fiancé were up for a visit. I brought them an extra nice shower gift and expressed our regrets that we wouldn't be able to attend the wedding. Everyone understood and there were no hard feelings.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@Trailrun23 wrote:
It's already started; I have received two wedding shower invites, two baby shower invites, and two wedding invitations....one which is out of state. Add to those two save the date cards and a college graduation. I simply can't afford to buy gifts for all of these... how can I handle this without looking cheap? Gift cards are a definite no. I would like to acknowledge each invite with a gift, but even small gifts are expensive for this many events. I also know buying anything not on a registry is considered tacky. Any ideas? These are all relatives or children/grandchildren of close friends.

@Trailrun23 No way should you be sending gifts to grandchildren of friends, nor should you be "asked" to or "invited." Unless of course these children are close to you.

I don't see any reason a gift card is not feasable. Why not? A small gift card of $20 or even $10 is fine in with a nice card. If people don't appreciate it, in other words if they tag you as cheap, then you need to remember that's on THEM not you!

And if they are that way, I'd think long and hard about the relationship. Maybe it is one burden you don't need.

Iwantcoffee · ‎03-11-2010

Events can be acknowledge by sending a card. You are not required to go to events you are invited to or give gifts.

mrshckynut · ‎06-19-2011

@Trailrun23

we do too for us a card is enough

mrshckynut

beach-mom · ‎03-09-2010

@ThinkingOutLoud wrote:
First, I've never heard that not adhering to the registry is tacky. Maybe it depends on how well thought out it is? Anyway, it sounds like a 'sliding scale' is in order. Basically, the closer the relationship, the more you spend and if you're familiar but not close, you spend less.

@ThinkingOutLoud - I had never heard this either. I rarely give gifts on the registry. If I know them well, like our nephews, one of our children's close friends, or a close friend's child, I know enough about them to select a gift of my choice. For example, one of the couples had been living together a while. Their registry had all kinds of fancy kitchen gadgets and small appliances on it. I also saw lamps, pictures, etc. But they didn't have matching towels in their home. I didn't see those on their registry either. So DH and I gave them matching towel sets in two of the colors they decorate with. They seemed to be happy, but who knows.

DD tells me her generation gives cash, and they have to "pay for their plate." So basically you have to give a couple cash equal to what your dinner at the reception costs. I think that is ridiculous, and I refuse to do it!

And I'm not a fan of "help us pay for our honeymoon," although I did give our former teenage babysitter a special lunch on her tropical honeymoon years ago. That was the first I'd heard of that!

When I got married, unless people gave us a check, we didn't know what the value of our gifts was. As far as I was concerned, all of our gifts were special and priceless!