Among Friends

[stevieb]

@BunSnoop  Nix to the charity donation. To my mind, it's not a 'gift', it's a charity donation... Personally, I'd give her a lovely card and verbally let her know you and your husband would like to take her to dinner sometime soon... I wouldn't put a check or cash in the card. That said, if you absolutely feel a gift is warranted based on your experience with this woman and her parties, I'd consider a gift card to someplace you know she'd enjoy either shopping or dining... Maybe just say, "We know, we really shouldn't have, but we wanted to anyway"...

[haddon9]

A close friend of mine just recently remarried.  She had an informal brunch at her home 3 months after the fact.  The reason was because they really didn't have the money to make a nice party and had to save up for it.  Yet she said something about not bringing gifts.  I know that she appreciated the restaurant gift card we gave them.

My nephew is having a first baby birthday party for his son next month.  The invite said gifts not necessary...how can I go to a baby's first birthday without bringing a gift? Part of the fun for me is to buy a baby gift!

I wish people wouldn't say no gifts...it makes things more complicated than if they said nothing...of course they could say instead of a gift a charitable donation would be welcomed if that is what makes them happy....just my opinion.

[FancyPhillyshopper]

How nice to have such a great event to look forward to! Birthday parties for that age group are very special.

I think many folks put down the addendum, "No Gifts," as a way to make guests not feel obligated or pressured to provide something.

However, I am a great giver (i.e. I love to give gifts no matter the occasion), and if I choose to bring a gift, I will do so!

Yes, many may say make a charity donation, but I find that more appropriate for funerals.

A nice photo (of her) in a fancy frame, a special bottle of wine, a dangly pair of turquoise earrings, a sparkling silver bracelet, a gift certificate for an afternoon tea, a musical recording, would all be potential gifts I would give to my friend.  I would wrap the gift with a fancy bow and maybe attach a pretty lace handkerchief or scarf or silk flowers. Would I give cash or a check--No. 

I would write, "Happy Birthday to my special friend--You are a gift to me every day!"

[jackthebear]

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@BunSnoop wrote:

I'm going to a birthday party tonight with my husband for a friend of ours - it's her 85th birthday.

She is paying for everyone's meals - there will be about 20-25 guests.  It's at a very upscale restaurant.  She wrote on the invite "no gifts".    She does these birthday parties every 10 years, she writes "no gifts" but I heard that everyone either gives gift cards, checks, etc.

She does not have a lot of extra income and I know the money gifts are appreciated.

I want to put a check in the card.  In the card I guess I want to write, I know you said no gifts, but..........

That's where I'm lost.  Do I just say, but.....we just wanted to?  Or how would you phase it?

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No please don't take a gift, you and the others were asked not to so, 

[chickenbutt]

I also agree that 'no gifts' means no gifts.  Period.  It is disrespectful of their wishes to do anything else AND it is just making it about yourself.  

Also, this never goes well here as it comes up frequently and I guess there will just always be two camps on this question. 

I've actually chosen to not have a party because of people disrespecting my wish for no gifts.  Then they not onlly disrespect me, they make the other guests feel kind of bad.  It's just nothing more than making it about the person who wants to show and feel better about themselves, but it is terribly misguided.

No gifts means no gifts.   I don't even get how some people can try to misrepresent that sentiment and just do whatever makes themselves feel better.   It's no less wrong and no less disrespectful to the host/s and to the guests.

[Anonymous032819]

Gee, call me crazy, but if someone said "No gifts", I would think that they actually ment it, and I would believe them.

I think it's rude to ignore the wish for no gifts, and to bring one anyway.

It says that the gift giver's wishes is more important than the receiver's is.

And that is just plain self-centeredness.

One more proof that we live in a "It's-all-about-ME" society.

If she is a true friend to you, then be a true friend to her, and respect her wishes for no gift.

[KingstonsMom]

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@BunSnoop wrote:

Wow.......Let's just end this one!!   

Thanks to those that answered my question - what to write in the card.  :-)

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@BunSnoop 

Since she asked for no gifts, I would just give her a card thanking her for inviting you and offering to treat her to dinner on another day/night of her choice, as a 'thank you'.

[BunSnoop]

 I had decided to give a gift and was only asking what to write in the card.

 I was not asking if it's wrong or right to give a gift. 

Thanks to those that answered my question. 

[suzyQ3]

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@BunSnoop wrote:

 I had decided to give a gift and was only asking what to write in the card.

 I was not asking if it's wrong or right to give a gift. 

Thanks to those that answered my question. 

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@BunSnoop, would you normally give a gift of cash to celebrate someone's birthday? The only time I would do that is if the recipient is a teen -- they love money. I do think that it's strange to give an adult money.

[onlyshopsonline]

I wanted to throw a 60th birthday party for myself, at a local restaurant.  I wanted to celebrate with the special people in my life.  And I wanted to say "no gifts."  I don't need anything.  And I didn't want it to be a burden for people.  I just wanted to have a party.

I ended up not having the event because I knew people would ignore my request.