Time to pass the baton....

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

I don't know why but I'm just not into Thanksgiving the way I am usually. I'm doing it, I'm just not enjoying it. I even forgot to order my pies! Thank heaven's my sister is bringing a sweet potato pie and I'm going to make and decorate some cupcakes. There are only going to be 6 of us this year. The turkey is in the oven browning and I'm going with frozen or prepared for everything else, even the mashed potatoes. I think now that both girls are married and in their own homes, I'm ready to pass the baton to one of them. I'd like to be a guest who arrives with a pie in hand for the Thanksgiving feast. My mom was almost 70 when she passed it to me, I'm just 56, so it's early. I don't expect it will happen any time soon and I'll probably bounce back for Christmas but I think I'm looking foward to it whenever it happens.

DiAnne · ‎09-22-2010

May be you should start assigning dishes. When my children became adults I started telling them what I expected them to bring. Took a lot of work off me.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@chrystaltree wrote:
I don't know why but I'm just not into Thanksgiving the way I am usually. I'm doing it, I'm just not enjoying it. I even forgot to order my pies! Thank heaven's my sister is bringing a sweet potato pie and I'm going to make and decorate some cupcakes. There are only going to be 6 of us this year. The turkey is in the oven browning and I'm going with frozen or prepared for everything else, even the mashed potatoes. I think now that both girls are married and in their own homes, I'm ready to pass the baton to one of them. I'd like to be a guest who arrives with a pie in hand for the Thanksgiving feast. My mom was almost 70 when she passed it to me, I'm just 56, so it's early. I don't expect it will happen any time soon and I'll probably bounce back for Christmas but I think I'm looking foward to it whenever it happens.

@chrystaltree

Sounds like you're having some "hostess burnout".

Why does it have to be the "same old, same old" with one person controlling it every year until they just can't stand it anymore?

Why not alternate with your daughters so everyone gets to host Thanksgiving once every three years? Diversify.

LTT1 · ‎03-09-2010

@chrystaltree @DiAnne

In my world, I believe that once children become adults, it is polite and fair to ask for the children to pitch in. 💜❤️💙💚🍁🦃

Prep them maybe? At this meal... kindly.

I'd be tempted to make it clear by communicating the fact that this has become too much for me to do all by myself.

I'd make ME the problem by saying "I need you to" or "It would be helpful if"

Not exactly sure, but it has to be done ... or suggest going out everybody on their own tab!

~Have a Kind Heart, Fierce Mind, Brave Spirit~

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

@Tinkrbl44 wrote:
@chrystaltree wrote:
I don't know why but I'm just not into Thanksgiving the way I am usually. I'm doing it, I'm just not enjoying it. I even forgot to order my pies! Thank heaven's my sister is bringing a sweet potato pie and I'm going to make and decorate some cupcakes. There are only going to be 6 of us this year. The turkey is in the oven browning and I'm going with frozen or prepared for everything else, even the mashed potatoes. I think now that both girls are married and in their own homes, I'm ready to pass the baton to one of them. I'd like to be a guest who arrives with a pie in hand for the Thanksgiving feast. My mom was almost 70 when she passed it to me, I'm just 56, so it's early. I don't expect it will happen any time soon and I'll probably bounce back for Christmas but I think I'm looking foward to it whenever it happens.
@chrystaltree

Sounds like you're having some "hostess burnout".

Why does it have to be the "same old, same old" with one person controlling it every year until they just can't stand it anymore?

Why not alternate with your daughters so everyone gets to host Thanksgiving once every three years? Diversify.

We'll see how it goes. Both daughters are pregnant this year and one is due in a week, the other a month later. So, this was not the year to change anything. We'll see how it goes. I might feel differently about it all next year.

Perkup · ‎03-09-2010

I guess sI am truly blessed. I'm 82 now and a couple of years ago I really was dreading the holidays - Thanksgiving most of all. I had been just too tired the previous year to manage a full dinner on my own. Ended up exhausted and took a couple of days in bed. There are five children, a dozen grands and two great grands. Add in spouses, and you have a large group.

Last year one of my girls called me a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving and told me that she was doing the turkey and a couple of sides. Another daughter was bringing a ham and yet another was doing a veggie. DIL made two pies.

What a wonderful relief!! I still make potato salad which everyone wants. But that and keeping the house clean for company are my only obligations. (They want to come here because the house is larger for the crowd of family, and often a friend or two.)

Anyway, I have something to be thankful for. Great, thoughtful kids.

chickenbutt · ‎03-09-2010

I feel like I'm about done, due to some health challenges. At this point, it takes me all week to do it all and it's wearing thin. I forget things unless I organize to the nth degree (like every tiny little detail of each task). I about melted down in the grocery store and that was just Monday!

After yesterday I was in so much pain I could barely walk. Today is fairly light, since I"ve been making dishes and doing some of the prep since Monday. I have one dose of pain pills left that I can use to get through today.

I don't know if I can do this another year. But, the thing is - either I do it or it doesn't happen. I do it partly out of a sense of duty. I'm not as old as some of you, but between a few health conditions that don't play well together and my quickly deteriorating brain, I don't know. I guess we'll see next year. If I feel like I can get through it (and can get something for the pain and fatigue) I'll do it. Otherwise it might just be no more.

I guess these things, for a variety of reasons are some of what we have to contemplate as we get older and/or as health challenges take over.

drizzellla · ‎03-14-2010

I couldn't agree with you more. Both my brothers are divorced. So I have always done every holiday - even when my parents were alive. And my brothers live in other states so they stay a varied number of days with their kids (sometimes) and dogs (sometimes).

And my one brtoher has begun to store things in our house. I am slowly getting overrun. At least I don't work 2 jobs anymore. But I do leave the house at 7am and get home at 6:30pm. It is tough keeping everyone feed for the holidays plus all the other things to do for the holidays.

catwhisperer · ‎07-11-2010

@chickenbutt wrote:
I feel like I'm about done, due to some health challenges. At this point, it takes me all week to do it all and it's wearing thin. I forget things unless I organize to the nth degree (like every tiny little detail of each task). I about melted down in the grocery store and that was just Monday!

After yesterday I was in so much pain I could barely walk. Today is fairly light, since I"ve been making dishes and doing some of the prep since Monday. I have one dose of pain pills left that I can use to get through today.

I don't know if I can do this another year. But, the thing is - either I do it or it doesn't happen. I do it partly out of a sense of duty. I'm not as old as some of you, but between a few health conditions that don't play well together and my quickly deteriorating brain, I don't know. I guess we'll see next year. If I feel like I can get through it (and can get something for the pain and fatigue) I'll do it. Otherwise it might just be no more.

I guess these things, for a variety of reasons are some of what we have to contemplate as we get older and/or as health challenges take over.

@chickenbutt...I'm sorry you aren't feeling well and are in pain. My DH is now bed ridden and I am his sole caregiver. Not one family member has called or emailed to see if we are even alive, let alone have any Thanksgiving food to eat. We are getting Meals On Wheels every day, which is a godsend. My wonderful neighbor came over yesterday to ask if she could bring us some Thanksgiving dinner today as she is cooking a large meal. She is truly and angel and we are very grateful.

(((Hugs))) to you and I hope you get to feeling better.

I promise to remind myself every day that I am strong, courageous, and resilient.

Greeneyedlady21 · ‎01-06-2015

I respectfully say that you ladies need to assert yourselves and state clearly that you can't and won't do it all anymore. Especially when you have health issues and /or are just too tired. You have certainly earned that right.

My Mom is 80 and last year her health was awful from April through October. Including three hospitalizations. My 50 plus year old brother showed up at her house with his young son in tow on Thanksgiving and expected my mother to cook dinner for him. By then she was well enough to tell him no but did she? No. She has always been one of those do it all women. And frankly my family dynamic is very sexist.

I helped her last year with the cooking, and had all the food delivered, for her sake only. But I was so angry and resentful about him treating her that way. So this year I found a local hotel that's serving dinner and that's where they are going. My Mom is old school and still thinks that is part of her duty but it is way past time for her to relax. My brother couldn't even be bothered to find a place to eat out-ugh. Too taxing for him I guess. But my mother accepts this behavior from him, so....

But until you say you can't do it all no one is going to do it for you- unless you have someone like me who gets ticked off about it lol. Time to take care of you.

"This isn't a Wednesday night, this is New Year's Eve"