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10-27-2019 09:58 AM
With all the stress in my life (husband with Alzheimer's and mother feeling the effects of being 97) I think that I look tired. I am VERY TIRED. Fortunately, none of my friends has said that to me. I'd put that remark in the same category as asking a woman if she's pregnant...and discovering she is NOT.
10-27-2019 09:59 AM
The people who ask care about me...I don't think it's rude.
@kitcat51 I'm on the fence with this one. While people who do ask care about how you feel, certainly there's a more tactful way to ask instead of equating it to how you look.
But how you look is the clue to how you feel and the people who care ask.The people who don’t care as much most likely just think you look tired but don’t worry about the reason.
10-27-2019 10:07 AM
While on a tour, one tour members was celebrating a birthday. We all wished him happy birthday. The gentleman stated he was turning 70. To which my friend (female) enthusiastically stated, "You're 70! You look good for your age!" I cringed for the man and his wife. The man and his wife said nothing, no "thanks" or "I try" or "It's my genes." Dead silence. My friend was oblivious.
Not to single out ladies but my father was notorious for making inappropriate comments.
10-27-2019 10:08 AM
The best is when you've been sick or are sick and someone will say to you, you don't look good.
Well, thank you very much for verifying that because no one could be this sick and still look good...
10-27-2019 10:12 AM
Classic passive aggressive! She knew exactly what she was saying. Like someone I know who always says to me, " We love your daughter and I just don't understand the relationship the 2 of you have." She knows full well that my daughter and I have a very difficult relaionship and just wants to get a dig in. But being such a sweet southern lady she says it in such a nice way. I just think to myself someday I'll tell you all the ****** she told me about your family and then you probably won't love her so much.
10-27-2019 10:33 AM
@Sandy Sparkles wrote:
I am guilty of having told someone I knew they "looked tired" when I thought they did. I never thought it was offensive, as it was not intended that way, but after reading the posts here, I doubt that I ever will again. I really had no idea it could be interpreted that way, and feel bad when I think it might have been. I will be much more sensitive in the future and as my mother used to say, "keep your words to yourself".😁
All we need is LOVE💖
@Sandy Sparkles OMG!!! I just said that to someone at work!!! I was concerned she looked so bad. I guess I shouldn't have been concerned!!!!!
@ECBG No issue being concerned... Maybe just finding another way to express it.
10-27-2019 10:39 AM
I have a "friend" who says things like that to me - small digs - we used to be really close but only see each other on rare occasions now. Believe me there are things I could make remarks about in her life, but I never would. I think some people either don't realize how snarky they sound, or it makes them feel better to put people down.
@Staciesmom Perhaps I'm more sensitive about these comments because of so much negativity from my own Mom..."You eating enough, too thin", "Feeling OK? So pale", "Did you do your hair today?", "Do you ever wear color?"...It never ended!
10-27-2019 10:45 AM
I think the difference is how one feels about how they look. I understand that sometimes in my life I look tired. It easily shows on my face. So I am not surprised when someone says it. Yes, I look tired. I look different. SO what?
I think some people think they look good all the time; some think that at times they look pretty ragged. Or old. Or depressed, etc.
@Sooner If I already know I don't look well or am not feeling particularly great about myself, in general, I don't need anyone to point it out. It only makes it worse.
10-27-2019 10:45 AM
@Mz iMac wrote:
I don't think it's rude. In fact, a comment like that may just "save a life."
@Mz iMac I doubt it. Being offended would take priority over going to a doctor.
10-27-2019 10:52 AM
I think I need to quit seeing people. I just don't get this at all. I am amazed that so many people take what I would call a comment as something rude and insensitive or a putdown.
I also don't get the hatred for Christmas letters either, while we are on a subject soon to appear. If someone's kids are doing well, I'm happy to hear about it. I don't instantly think they are bragging.
I wasn't complimented growing up, not told I was beautiful and pretty, and not in a position to compete with what others were doing or had, so I guess I just don't have the expectations many do. I'll have to remember that and just keep my mouth shut.
How's the weather where you are? That is all I should talk about to others.
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