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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,124
Registered: ‎03-20-2010

Re: Things women say to each other they don't realize are insults

Many women are so busy pleasing everyone else and often are just plain worn out.  To me having someone ask that is just acknowledgement that they know this and care.  I don't know why  many are so sensitive about it.  I have never heard anyone say it to be nasty.  

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Posts: 16,939
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Things women say to each other they don't realize are insults

I think the difference is how one feels about how they look. I understand that sometimes in my life I look tired.  It easily shows on my face.  So I am not surprised when someone says it.  Yes, I look tired.  I look different.  SO what?

 

I think some people think they look good all the time; some think that at times they look pretty ragged.  Or old.  Or depressed, etc.  

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Valued Contributor
Posts: 928
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: Things women say to each other they don't realize are insults

 It's true many women--myself included--are sensitive about our looks, which may be why I find this comment insulting.  I spend a lot of time on my makeup to look presentable. And I think it's different when one close to you like your mom says it as then it would genuinely be out of concern for your well-being.  (In all my 55 yrs my mom has NEVER told me this btw)  But for a mere acquaintance to say it, who doesn't know me, yes it's rude IMO.

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Posts: 565
Registered: ‎04-13-2010

Re: Things women say to each other they don't realize are insults

I have a "friend" who says things like that to me - small digs - we used to be really close but only see each other on rare occasions now.  Believe me there are things I could make remarks about in her life, but I never would. I think some people either don't realize how snarky they sound, or it makes them feel better to put people down.

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Registered: ‎03-24-2018

Re: Things women say to each other they don't realize are insults

Stepmother has made a couple rude comments to me. I had to let it go and move on cuz for a while it bothered me alot! I would rather she would just say Nothing than being rude!

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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,304
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Things women say to each other they don't realize are insults

Personally I would prefer you look tired (which I probably am) over "are you okay?".

The more I learn the more I realize how little I know.
Being perfect must be a heavy burden.
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Posts: 4,926
Registered: ‎04-14-2013

Re: Things women say to each other they don't realize are insults

My neighbor kept taking digs, FCOL, at my dog (and I guess inherently at my choice of feeding him) who had, yes, gained some weight.

 

I used to be close to this person until I realized that her lack of self awareness (unhappiness with just about everything) was bleeding on me.

 

I don't care if someone says I look tired.  Like others have said, it "is what it is".

Go Nats!
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Posts: 4,926
Registered: ‎04-14-2013

Re: Things women say to each other they don't realize are insults


@Marp wrote:

Personally I would prefer you look tired (which I probably am) over "are you okay?".


Absolutely.  I have flashbacks to CPR class and resuscsi-Annie.

Go Nats!
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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,458
Registered: ‎06-10-2010

Re: Things women say to each other they don't realize are insults


@PA Mom-mom wrote:

@KKJ wrote:

Recently a lady I know (she's not a close friend ) said to me  "Are you tired? You look really tired."  I mean, you might as well say, "you look like ******".  Women don't realize how rude this is.


@KKJ  When people tell me that, I'm pretty sure they mean it, and I'm pretty sure they're right! I have no illusions. I'm tired a lot.



I guess it all depends on who said it.  If it were someone I know cared about me, I wouldn't be insulted. I would know their intentions were out of concern.  Even if the person did not have my good will at heart, I would blow it off.  I see way too many people these days getting their feelings hurt.  I feel the more confident a person is the easier it is to dismiss remarks that are less than....let's say...."well thought out". 

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Valued Contributor
Posts: 928
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: Things women say to each other they don't realize are insults

Truth is, some people just don't think before they speak. A couple years ago I went through an illness and lost a lot of weight. I wasn't very big to begin with so I had ladies at work who said  "You're way too thin!"  Now again,  these are ladies I work with everyday and I know they were genuinely concerned given my health struggles at the time, but telling me this and also "you're a toothpick." I found hurtful.  I mean, you wouldn't tell someone "you're fat"  would you?