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10-27-2019 05:44 AM
Many women are so busy pleasing everyone else and often are just plain worn out. To me having someone ask that is just acknowledgement that they know this and care. I don't know why many are so sensitive about it. I have never heard anyone say it to be nasty.
10-27-2019 06:59 AM
I think the difference is how one feels about how they look. I understand that sometimes in my life I look tired. It easily shows on my face. So I am not surprised when someone says it. Yes, I look tired. I look different. SO what?
I think some people think they look good all the time; some think that at times they look pretty ragged. Or old. Or depressed, etc.
10-27-2019 08:19 AM
It's true many women--myself included--are sensitive about our looks, which may be why I find this comment insulting. I spend a lot of time on my makeup to look presentable. And I think it's different when one close to you like your mom says it as then it would genuinely be out of concern for your well-being. (In all my 55 yrs my mom has NEVER told me this btw) But for a mere acquaintance to say it, who doesn't know me, yes it's rude IMO.
10-27-2019 08:21 AM
I have a "friend" who says things like that to me - small digs - we used to be really close but only see each other on rare occasions now. Believe me there are things I could make remarks about in her life, but I never would. I think some people either don't realize how snarky they sound, or it makes them feel better to put people down.
10-27-2019 08:42 AM
Stepmother has made a couple rude comments to me. I had to let it go and move on cuz for a while it bothered me alot! I would rather she would just say Nothing than being rude!
10-27-2019 08:50 AM
Personally I would prefer you look tired (which I probably am) over "are you okay?".
10-27-2019 09:02 AM
My neighbor kept taking digs, FCOL, at my dog (and I guess inherently at my choice of feeding him) who had, yes, gained some weight.
I used to be close to this person until I realized that her lack of self awareness (unhappiness with just about everything) was bleeding on me.
I don't care if someone says I look tired. Like others have said, it "is what it is".
10-27-2019 09:04 AM
@Marp wrote:Personally I would prefer you look tired (which I probably am) over "are you okay?".
Absolutely. I have flashbacks to CPR class and resuscsi-Annie.
10-27-2019 09:32 AM
@PA Mom-mom wrote:
@KKJ wrote:Recently a lady I know (she's not a close friend ) said to me "Are you tired? You look really tired." I mean, you might as well say, "you look like ******". Women don't realize how rude this is.
@KKJ When people tell me that, I'm pretty sure they mean it, and I'm pretty sure they're right! I have no illusions. I'm tired a lot.
I guess it all depends on who said it. If it were someone I know cared about me, I wouldn't be insulted. I would know their intentions were out of concern. Even if the person did not have my good will at heart, I would blow it off. I see way too many people these days getting their feelings hurt. I feel the more confident a person is the easier it is to dismiss remarks that are less than....let's say...."well thought out".
10-27-2019 09:43 AM
Truth is, some people just don't think before they speak. A couple years ago I went through an illness and lost a lot of weight. I wasn't very big to begin with so I had ladies at work who said "You're way too thin!" Now again, these are ladies I work with everyday and I know they were genuinely concerned given my health struggles at the time, but telling me this and also "you're a toothpick." I found hurtful. I mean, you wouldn't tell someone "you're fat" would you?
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