They're just not that into me. - Page 5

hckynut · ‎03-10-2010

@FLgardener wrote:
@hckynut --I may not have used the most articulate wording. I don't recall asking anyone for much of anything. In fact when my car was broken for a month I walked two miles with a backpack to the dollar store, not wanting to bother anyone.

The main thrust of my thoughts here is that we live in a grief avoiding society. A short time after bereavement, many people rush us along, unable to rationalize we who grieve don't jump right back into the flow of life. It doesn't mean we've lost our minds.

@FLgardener

Nothing I said was meant to be directed at one's sanity, or "loss of mind". If you interpreted that way, I apologize.

hckynut

hckynut(john)

Junebug54 · ‎03-09-2010

@FLgardener I too have been widowed at the young age of 54. You say several years. How many? I think more info is necessary to be able to address your situation. Are you still feeling needy and wanting sympathy after, again, how many years? Without more info from you it's hard to make suggestions. As I said I've been where you are and truly sympathize.

justashopper · ‎03-21-2010

Hi @FLgardener

I am so sorry for your loss. And for what you are going through. It's hard when people show us they don't have the skills to understand or express things in a way that is more helpful. But it is a reflection of them, not you. Grief is a highly personal experience. There is no right ot wrong way.

There is another internet forum that I read and post on. It's called enotalone.com It's more of an anonymous forum for personal issues. Maybe check it out. Sometimes just reading what other people go through, helps me.

AngelPuppy1 · ‎03-13-2010

@FLgardener

I hope that you can gain back the support and connection of your family once again. Often, family members and even friends are not as supportive as they should be. Some people can or are only willing to give so much. Then they move on and feel you should too. This is unfair because we all deal with our grief and our emotions in a different way and there is not one set time to say -- well, you've been sad for 3 months --- now you should be better! In the past I've always made the mistaken assumption that just because I feel a certain way, that others feel this way, too. I have never been very vocal about my disappointments in people and have been guilty of thinking --- well, they should just know how I feel -- or --- realize what a traumatic thing this is for me. I know in my case I should learn to be more vocal. I'm not saying this is something you need to do but maybe you could go to them and say --- I know I have been distant but I began to feel that I wasn't being seen or heard and now that I have recovered, I really want for us to start over and regain the former closeness we once had. I have found that in my case, some of the relationships I had have not been able to be repaired. I hope this is not the case in your situation. I wish you all the best and I am truly sorry for your loss.

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." - Steve Martin

FLgardener · ‎12-15-2013

@hckynut , My apologies for any misunderstanding. I took no offense at all at anything you posted.

You are considerate and kind.

FLgardener · ‎12-15-2013

Really, I am not needy. I'm quite able and independent mentally and physically.

I lost DH four years ago.

I believe I am having "reentry" issues. I don't think it was a healthy decision to post here about all this.

Best wishes to all.

Still Raining · ‎03-30-2014

@FLgardener wrote:
@nana59 , Well, for example, when I do attend a family function, I am relegated to a certain social area where it's obvious--"Poor Denise"--Let's get her a plate and send her off to a corner.

For some reason this example puzzles me.

How can a grownup be "relegated" to "certain social area" and be offended?

Once, as the youngest grownup, I got spilled over to the kids table (with my kids) and still laugh and tease the hostess.

Why the feeling of slight and why not refuse to have it?

lulu1 · ‎03-29-2011

@FLgardener

I have a great deal of empathy for you. That being said, people cut others "loose" for various reasons. Sometimes it is an obvious reason but often times it is a more subtle reason.

I'm sure there are people who have cut me loose and I know there are people I've cut loose. Family ties are part of that cutting loose.

There are people whose company I just do not care for. Some make everything about them; others lack tact. There are those who are takers and there are those who give advice when it wasn't needed.

If someone does not care for my company, I move on. If it's family, oh well. (Remember, we can choose our friends but not our family.)

FLgardener · ‎12-15-2013

@lulu1 , Yes, I agree, and I tell myself all the time it's not all about me!

All I can do is try to spread some bit of joy with all my encounters and do not burden myself with unforgiveness.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@Still Raining wrote:
@FLgardener wrote:
@nana59 , Well, for example, when I do attend a family function, I am relegated to a certain social area where it's obvious--"Poor Denise"--Let's get her a plate and send her off to a corner.

For some reason this example puzzles me.

How can a grownup be "relegated" to "certain social area" and be offended?

Once, as the youngest grownup, I got spilled over to the kids table (with my kids) and still laugh and tease the hostess.

Why the feeling of slight and why not refuse to have it?

@Still Raining

I also found some of the OP's comments puzzling. There seemed to be information missing to make sense of the behavior and dynamics on all sides. We're not psychic. We can only take the words provided at face value and draw our own conclusions. From what I've read here, several replies were just guesses as to what's going on.