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Honored Contributor
Posts: 21,647
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: They're just not that into me.

@FLgardener I think two issues are how close do you live to them, and what are your expectations of a relationship?

Valued Contributor
Posts: 865
Registered: ‎12-15-2013

Re: They're just not that into me.

@Sooner , Good questions, but I have decided that this forum is only good for expressing more superficial conversations.

 

Nothing wrong with that! It's okay. I just had a lapse.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 21,647
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: They're just not that into me.

@FLgardener Don't discount what people here shared with you.  Sometimes the things we don't want to hear o think about are the ones that can be most helpful.

 

I wish you the best!  

Valued Contributor
Posts: 973
Registered: ‎02-19-2014

Re: They're just not that into me.

Honest question--were they that into you before?  Relationships change all the time.   If you are the only one trying, move on.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,683
Registered: ‎07-10-2011

Re: They're just not that into me.

[ Edited ]

I get the impression that @FLgardener  talks a lot about her husband ( there is nothing wrong with that) and the family got tired of hearing it. Some people will talk about their loved ones who have passed without realizing how often they are doing it.  You need to talk with people who really appreciated your husband.

 

My husband passed 3 years ago and he got along with my entire family and friends. They talk about him more than I do because he was the type of person that loved people and they loved him back.

 

They talk about things that he did that made us laugh and  having some one mention something he did, make us all laugh.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 29,773
Registered: ‎08-23-2010

Re: They're just not that into me.

[ Edited ]

@FLgardener wrote:

 


@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

@FLgardener wrote:

@PickyPicky , I am sincerely sorry you had to endure that. I hope to shed some light on this seriously deep form of discrimination which is rarely discussed.


 

@FLgardener 

 

Honestly, I don't really understand your comments.   They were supportive for several years, then "cut you loose" and then put you in a corner?   Your family is discriminating against you?   Huh?

 

I can't speak to how they reacted to your behavior, because I'm not sure what you did or how it appeared to others.  Did you seek professional counseling or expect others to fix you?  

 

The only thing that comes to mind .... and this just my speculation .....  is that you were a lot more needy than you realized, and that can be very exhausting for others, especially if it went on for several years, as you say.  If they started avoiding you, that might be why.

 

A person in an emotional crisis needs help, but as they recover and improve they need less support.  That's the way it should be.  It doesn't mean they "cut you loose".   JMO

 

 


There many insightful posts here. Yours is not one of them What did I do? Well after being a cancer warrior along with my husband for nine years while working, I fell apart. I got myself into grief counseling, made no demands on others, always thinking they have enough in their own lives to deal with.

 

Needy? Hardly.


 

@FLgardener 

 

What EXACTLY did you want from your original post?   Sympathy .... advice ....   pity ..... suggestions?   What?   I re-read your original post twice and you didn't ask for anything .... just wanted random comments from strangers?

 

You made a few comments that seemed a little confusing to many, but didn't really indicate what you were looking for from others.   All people (including myself) could do is speculate about the peculiar behavior you posted about.  Your additional comments didn't offer much clarity, either, but had a tone that you had expected people to already understand what you'd meant.  

 

I'm sorry that some (including myself) didn't answer your OP the way you had expected, but I'm guessing a bit more clarity would have produced a whole other set of responses.  JMO   

Regular Contributor
Posts: 213
Registered: ‎07-12-2020

Re: They're just not that into me.

[ Edited ]

@FLgardener wrote:

@Nananana59 , Well, for example, when I do attend a family function, I am relegated to a certain social area where it's obvious--"Poor Denise"--Let's get her a plate and send her off to a corner.



Maybe it's time to act about this in a more self assertive way? If you look great, greet everyone, ask about them to start conversation, big smile,  and look happy -- there won't be any of that poor Denise stuff. Move around the room or house and be the sunshine. Maybe you fake it, maybe you don't have to. If you show up, booking like poor Denise, this is what they'll think. So often we have the power to change the dynamics of a relationship but we wait for others to change. 

And yet, just because our relative is our relative doesn't mean they are the nicest people. We can remain in relationship while having our eyes wide open and accept how they are, rather limited as human beings. We don't go to war to change them and we don't allow abuse. We also don't let others define our vale and worth. If you reject that poor Denise label, so will everyone else. You are so worth it!

 

And dear one, please be open to at least listening to and considering new perspectives. This situation obviously makes you unhappy, and we can validate your victim thinking or encourage you to embrace your own self love and moving forward. Some posters will say things that challenge us or make us angry but some may just have the key to our healing and a new life. You do not have to take on any viewpoint here but sometimes we get wisdom and if we can be open to that, we move forward to  a more content life. Again, you deserve good things in your life.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 29,773
Registered: ‎08-23-2010

Re: They're just not that into me.

@Dotty in Dallas   @FLgardener 

 

Great post!  

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,725
Registered: ‎06-21-2011

Re: They're just not that into me.


@FLgardener wrote:

For several years now family members expressed concerns about my wellbeing, after losing my soulmate of 40 Years.

 

Now I am up to speed, although it took more than a few years to connect again.

 

I find that family members and friends actually cut me loose. 

 

It hurts.


So sorry to hear this.  You're not alone though.  I was shunned too.  Hope you find a soul mate.  I lost mine.  I have a DH but he's not my soul mate.  Oh, he does the right thing but a soul mate is nice to have.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,725
Registered: ‎06-21-2011

Re: They're just not that into me.


@FLgardener wrote:

@Nananana59 , Well, for example, when I do attend a family function, I am relegated to a certain social area where it's obvious--"Poor Denise"--Let's get her a plate and send her off to a corner.


I found that a lot of people don't want you around if you have no husband.  They're afraid you're gonna try to steal theirs.  It's a petty, stupid thing but it's quite alive and well.  So sorry for you though. XO