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Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,758
Registered: ‎01-18-2012

Re: The two occasions where I think a thank you note is mandatory.

To receive a thank you note is, for me, very rewarding.  Years back for us we always did this - and still do.

 

Alas this does not seem to happen very often now- in fact I cannot remember the last  time I received one though we have sent, get well gifts, wedding, new baby gifts etc.  a sign of the times I feel.  Sometimes I have had to follow up to make sure the gift was received as there has been no acknowledgment.  Several of my friends say the same.

 

However, I do think it is a practice that should come back but not holding my breath.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 33,232
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: The two occasions where I think a thank you note is mandatory.

Send something that is traceable and that's it.  I think today's world is far past stamp and written correspondence.  And obviously thank you's are also pretty much a think of the past.

 

Therefore, if you are online, send something you get a receipt or tracking number for, add tracking and be done with it.  

 

It isn't a perfect world any more is it? 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,510
Registered: ‎05-23-2010

Re: The two occasions where I think a thank you note is mandatory.


@dulwich wrote:

To receive a thank you note is, for me, very rewarding.  Years back for us we always did this - and still do.

 

Alas this does not seem to happen very often now- in fact I cannot remember the last  time I received one though we have sent, get well gifts, wedding, new baby gifts etc.  a sign of the times I feel.  Sometimes I have had to follow up to make sure the gift was received as there has been no acknowledgment.  Several of my friends say the same.

 

However, I do think it is a practice that should come back but not holding my breath.


@dulwich @dulwich @I've only had one time in which I didn't receive a thank you note, with the exception of funeral flowers. I've never received any card for sending them. 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,943
Registered: ‎05-09-2014

Re: The two occasions where I think a thank you note is mandatory.


@Sooner wrote:

If it is a gift, is a thank-you note mandatory?  A gift is given without strings.  

 

By definition, a gift is given without expectations for something in return. 


Sorry @Sooner , you misunderstand. The gift or gesture you receive doesn't obligate you to say thank you. It's having grace and good manners, your upbringing, that obliges you to acknowledge what you have received with the words of thank you. 

Gifts are given with no strings. Your attachment or relationship to the giver connects you to reciprocating with a thank you, not the gift.

 

You are not released from the obligation of simple good manners, even if you don't like the gift or the giver!  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,755
Registered: ‎07-26-2014

Re: The two occasions where I think a thank you note is mandatory.

@depglass   Funeral flowers???  People send thank you notes?  Must be a culture thing. 

"Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."


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Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,891
Registered: ‎05-30-2010

Re: The two occasions where I think a thank you note is mandatory.

I disagree Sooner. There is nothing nicer than receiving a personal card, thank you, a note in the mail. It shows a little more effort and sincerity. Yes, yes, online cards, so easy. Not everything from yester-year is to be forgotten and ignored.

Super Contributor
Posts: 323
Registered: ‎11-14-2017

Re: The two occasions where I think a thank you note is mandatory.

Where I'm from, boxes of thank you notes are part of the funeral expenses, provided by the undertakers.  We wouldn't think of not acknowledging the gift of funeral flowers.  People are always asking the bereaved if they can do anything for them. Here's a perfect job. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 33,232
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: The two occasions where I think a thank you note is mandatory.


@gizmogal wrote:

@Sooner wrote:

If it is a gift, is a thank-you note mandatory?  A gift is given without strings.  

 

By definition, a gift is given without expectations for something in return. 


Sorry @Sooner , you misunderstand. The gift or gesture you receive doesn't obligate you to say thank you. It's having grace and good manners, your upbringing, that obliges you to acknowledge what you have received with the words of thank you. 

Gifts are given with no strings. Your attachment or relationship to the giver connects you to reciprocating with a thank you, not the gift.

 

You are not released from the obligation of simple good manners, even if you don't like the gift or the giver!  


@gizmogal I believe the world is changing rapidly and what manners are has changed drastically.  If you were watching Downton Abbey recently, we are at one of those eras when change is rapid and shocking. So at this point I don't think one should think about, worry about, or expect what was the norm 20 years ago. 

 

It isn't about what "should" be from my viewpoint at my advanced age, it is about what "is." That's all.  No judgment call, just the reality of how the world is now. 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,943
Registered: ‎05-09-2014

Re: The two occasions where I think a thank you note is mandatory.


@Sooner wrote:

@gizmogal wrote:

@Sooner wrote:

If it is a gift, is a thank-you note mandatory?  A gift is given without strings.  

 

By definition, a gift is given without expectations for something in return. 


Sorry @Sooner , you misunderstand. The gift or gesture you receive doesn't obligate you to say thank you. It's having grace and good manners, your upbringing, that obliges you to acknowledge what you have received with the words of thank you. 

Gifts are given with no strings. Your attachment or relationship to the giver connects you to reciprocating with a thank you, not the gift.

 

You are not released from the obligation of simple good manners, even if you don't like the gift or the giver!  


@gizmogal I believe the world is changing rapidly and what manners are has changed drastically.  If you were watching Downton Abbey recently, we are at one of those eras when change is rapid and shocking. So at this point I don't think one should think about, worry about, or expect what was the norm 20 years ago. 

 

It isn't about what "should" be from my viewpoint at my advanced age, it is about what "is." That's all.  No judgment call, just the reality of how the world is now. 


I don't see your point of view as any judgment call. To me, it's just a rationale for rudeness. Yiu think if it's accepted to not be thanking people it's thus unnecessary. Good manners and the expectations of kindliness don't change, no matter how the morés or norms evolve. By your standards, modern parents should be raising their children not to say or see a need for thank you and please in their social habits. A way to dodge the parenting duties is to say "why bother". And for you, a way to show that rudeness is the norm is to absolve yourself from saying thank you. 

First you say it's because we're not obligated by gifts that we needn't express gracious thanks. Then you also say the times are changing, and these social norms are by the wayside.


What you are expressing is your beliefs that not saying thank you is perfectly acceptable and perhaps expected. That may be true of you and your family or social circle. And any reason you choose to seem unappreciative is OK, if that's your norm. But those still saying thank you and living in a gentle, respectful gracious world, in business dealings and in our personal lives, will say thank you and enjoy saying it and hearing it from others. (But not from you.)

Honored Contributor
Posts: 33,232
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: The two occasions where I think a thank you note is mandatory.


@ahoymate wrote:

I disagree Sooner. There is nothing nicer than receiving a personal card, thank you, a note in the mail. It shows a little more effort and sincerity. Yes, yes, online cards, so easy. Not everything from yester-year is to be forgotten and ignored.


@ahoymate Perhaps not by we Victorians, but by the younger folk, the world changes.  Think of how many mannerly things have changed even since the 1960s?  Dress, expectations, tables set, meals eaten, etc.  How people dress for funerals and weddings sets the tone for any expectations except money given. Not buying sheets or pillowcases any more for a shower gift either. . . LOL!!!!

 

Morals and manners are far different now.  You can't stop changes whether you agree or not.