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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,657
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: The emailing family member.....

[ Edited ]

@blankette wrote:

So if a close family member, maybe a father or mother or sister or brother, would only communicate with you by email you wouldnt mind? Never a personal call or in face visit, just emailing on the PC.....boy times are changing. NEVER anything but email and you are good?


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I would be fine with it because I have a family member like that.  She's introverted, has social anxiety and doesn’t like to travel.  Because of those issues email works best for her as a means of communication. Not everyone is going to do everything the same way and that’s ok. 

 

I know your situation may be different.  I don't know if something has changed recently with the person in your family, or if they may be going through some difficulties and avoiding people.  People cope differently with things.  Perhaps you could email this person and tell them how much you love them and that you miss face-to-face contact or telephone calls.  You could ask them why they seem to be avoiding contact.  They may or may not be aware of it.  I would approach it from a loving place rather than a place of anger.  One never knows what another person might be going through.     

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,653
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: The emailing family member.....

I so despise talking on the phone and would rather email anyone than call them up and interrupt their day.  As far as your relative my advice is to stop emailing and let them go if that is what they want. 

I too had a few relatives I just cannot stand to be around or talk to and emails were my form of communication with them until my Mom passed on.  Then I was able to stop even the emails.  They do not miss me and I do not miss them.  It happens even with families. 

"Live frugally, but love extravagantly."
Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,153
Registered: ‎05-22-2012

Re: The emailing family member.....


@blankette wrote:

Thank you all, I guess I did not give much detail, I just want to respect this persons privacy" even though it's just a forum where nobody knows anyone in real life. Well, it is a sibling, there are relatives with money that this person has always sought in a desperate way to impress, it's a very odd dynamic, so to not be in touch with me makes he/she look bad in terms of not getting along.

 

The problem is this person really doesnt give a you know what when it gets down to the nitty critty and that has been shown to me a number of times. I feel being untrue to myself by allowing this to continue. Over a period of ten years, can not pick up a phone and call and have a normal chat or visit us either.However I constantly get these ridiculous emails expressing little humorisms and nature pictures, but if I bring up a subject with any weight at all.......it goes silent. I am so feed up with this. I know I just needto confront, but the denial skills and arguements that would be launched back are like well stored grade A missiles. I had suggested some get togethers, that went silent, it is almost as if he/she is holding out for one of to just die, lol. Tired of thegames, you know you get to a point you get tired and sometimes you want or need to discuss things without rose colored glasses.


 

I understand that. So why not discuss those things with someone else and not this person who isn't comfortable with those things?

 

I have an Aunt who only communicates with me via email and only forwards me junk she's been emailed. Chain letters, pictures of cats, every single "this virus will kill us all" email about computer and real viruses imaginable. That's just how she is. She never calls or visits and that's okay - I accept that about her. Her emails get filtered into a separate folder and I stopped even looking at them years ago. She sends identical emails to my dad, my sister, and my mom and I know that if she has anything important to say, they'll pass the information on to me.

 

You can choose to accept that about your family member and move on or you can let it bother you or try to force something that isn't going to happen. You need to decide what you want to do. Right now your relative isn't making you upset, you are making yourself upset because you're not accepting the person the way he or she is and are instead trying to force the relative to meet your needs and fit in the box you want the person in. Stop doing that.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 26,294
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: The emailing family member.....

Again, you some should preface their post with: PLEASE DO NOT CONTRADICT ME, OFFER OPINIONS, OR OTHERWISE RESPOND WITH ANYTHING BUT THANKS, CONGRATULATIONS OR SYMPATHY.  OTHER RESPONSES ARE NOT APPRECIATED OR WELCOME HERE.

 

Why people post and then berate others for responses is simply beyond my understand.  Also says a lot about the poster.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,200
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: The emailing family member.....

 Some of the responses seem childish to me. If the person won't communicate as wanted, the poster either goes off in a pout refusing to continue the relationship or feels they are justified confronting the emailer demanding an explanation.  Considering that, I can understand why those who email only are unwilling to phone and or meet. 

Valued Contributor
Posts: 668
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: The emailing family member.....

thank you, this speaks to my heart, I beleive this is the best most honest way.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 668
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: The emailing family member.....

thank you, this post and the post right before yours speak to my heart in terms of solution. I think you get it completely, it almost becomes inappropriate, as if we have been replaced.