Thanksgiving Invitation - Page 3

NicksmomESQ · ‎08-19-2014

Since you already emailed him I would send another email. Tell him you need to know by ..... Give him a specific date. Tell him if you don't hear from him by that day you will assume he isn't coming,period.

If you choose to invite him at another time for another holiday I would do it that way. If he chooses not to respond ,you're off the hook. No need to follow up or chase after him.

If dealing with him is too much for you then stop inviting him.You don't owe him anything.I have a BIL that I stopped inviting for holidays a long time ago. He made too many demands.Expected us to cater to him & pick up after him.DH said that his brother was causing us to much stress.Our holidays became a lot more fun when we stopped inviting him.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@ladyann45 wrote:
He is a grown man and he needs to think of you for inviting him all these years. I am the oldest of five and since my parents are both decease i do not send out invites. They are welcome to eat if they show up but to go out of my way to a person who do not care to say I am coming and leaving the daughter to be with her mother. You have spoiled the two of them and they no longer think they have to respond. As for you saying you would be devastated if he was alone for the holidays is a problem for him not ypu. If you were not alive he would eat somewhere else, just like he does any other time of the year.

@ladyann45 Well said. We teach people how to treat us.

ID2 · ‎06-25-2012

Forgive and forget. He's your brother.

"Pure Michigan"

alicedee · ‎07-25-2010

I can understand not wanting to cut your brother completely out, but if it were me I would be very specific with my communication.

i would tell him:

1. Let me know by xxxxx if you are coming and if the daughter is also.

2. Because of time, expense, age, health.,,,whatever you feel like saying.,,this is the menu. If you or daughter want anything else, please feel free to bring it already prepared.

3. You are very welcome to spend the night Thursday. We have made plans for the rest of the weekend, so can only offer Thursday night this year.

I know it is hard....especially with family....but people can only take advantage of you if you allow it. You owe it to yourself and your husband to take back control of your holiday weekend.

Good luck...let us know how it goes. (If you end up folding, and not saying anything,,,,I understand. 🌷).

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@drizzellla wrote:
@Sooner wrote:
@IlliniGirl88 wrote:
You're being used by your brother and only you can stop this nonsense. If it were me, I'd make reservations for myself at a nice restaurant, and enjoy my Thanksgiving alone, if necessary. Stop playing his game, plain and simple. He's probably waiting to see if you'll do what you always do, contact him. I wouldn't, and I'd make no apologies either. My advice may sound harsh, but his habitual yearly dragging of his feet needs to stop, and so does your catering to him. Whatever you choose to do, I hope you have a great Thanksgiving.
@IlliniGirl88 @drizzellla And honestly if he does come, bake a sliced ham and very simple sides, or do ham sandwiches and some bought potato salad. You need to break him from the big feed at the very least. And get a commitment from him one way or the other.

Heck, do take out. Seriously. I think you'd have a good time and he'd not be hanging around next year for the big meal that day. That way if you are worried about his feelings, he'd have no reason to be hurt, but you shouldn't have to be so put out and work so hard and put up with this.

You know my husband was talking about buying the complete premade Thanksgiving dinner. So many groceries and restaurants are offering it. Seems so easy. But then we end up looking at the fresh turkeys and the premade dinner fades away.

@drizzellla We tried the pre-made dinner and here's my experience. It is as big a hassle to go get it and serve it THAN clean up afterward. The work is just as bad if not worse.

My advice is simplyfy the menu. Sandwiches and snacks, fries or whatever for the daughter I wouldn't put up with for a hot second, but that's me.

You are not going to spoil anything for anybody by not working yourself to death and it is the only way probably to break the cycle and NOT feel guilty. You can cook a turkey dinner any time and it tastes the same--but you don't always have the stress and hassle of guests.

There are many sensible and kind ways out of this being suggested here. Do yourself a favor and take one of them, and do NOT feel guilty one bit about it. You certainly deserve it.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@SouthernBee wrote:
@Sooner : Amen- stand on your soap box and preach it like it is. Southern Bee

@SouthernBee LOL!!! You know I've been there done that. Finally had the tattoo "Chump" removed from my forehead.

queendiva · ‎03-12-2010

Ah, Thanksgiving and families. Like oil & water...

@drizzellla plit the difference this year. Call and invite him for dinner. Ask if his daughter will be joining you as well. Say you need a firm answer by tomorrow and if HE doeas not call YOU, you will asssume they are not coming.

Also, make it abundantly clear that you have plans for the rest of the weekend ( which, of course, you do. They do not include catering to them) and that you will be unable to put him (and DD) up for even one night this year. As a host on any holiday, your invitation and obligation is for dinner ONLY. No more going above and beyond. Sorry, I don't even care how far they are travelling.

While not as bad as your situation, I have a brother and sister who show up on holidays, plop themselves down, eat, drink and then leave. Never known to lift a finger in anyone's home. Bring nothing for pot luck, just their appetites.

I come from a large family, with many in-laws & adult children. Always the same few of us who do ALL the work. We had a family reunion this year. Everyone had fun. A handful of us kept it all going, especially the food and drinks. Sister said next year we are going to create an old school Girl Scout Kaper Chart and assign everyone jobs- especially clean up. Yep.

Notice I said WE are doling out the assignments.

kaydee50 · ‎02-07-2011

@drizzellla And you've put up with this for how long??? 20+ years?? You're kidding!!

Hope your future Thanskgivings are happy ones!!

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

It seems pretty easy to me. This really isn't your brother's fault at all, the man cannot read your mind and for all these you, you have pleasantly and happily accepted him and his daughter and you have allowed them to stay as long as they want. It's your home, you are extending the invitation so set the terms. I would call but I would also follow up with a written invitation. "Bob, we would love to have you with us for Thanksgiving dinner. Amy is welcome too. Please let me know by 11/20 of you are coming for dinner. If I do not hear from you by that date, I will assume that you are not coming. In which case, have a happy Thanksgiving". If he shows up unannounced, you quietly take him aside and welcome him to stay for dinner for explain that it's just dinner, you are NOT prepared for him (or them) to stay longer since you were not expecting them. You say this in a phone call and a written note and you stick with the plan.

Kitlynn · ‎03-09-2010

I would put the invitation out there and do it only once. I also would say that it is for the holiday meal only and would not plan on or do anything extra to include him and his daughter coming to stay longer. I would tell him that he is going to have to take care of the extra and special food for them. We have hosted the holiday meals for thirty three years. It use to be that some would reply, some would show up late and all that nonsense. I decided years ago that I was not going to deal with other people and their lack of consideration for the host and hostess. I do a buffet style meal and I put the time it is starting. I also add "this is not a command performance. If you can make it we would love to have you but if not we understand. We will begin eating at ____ time. " Then if they show up late they just eat when they get here and we don't wait. It is amazing how ever since I did that everyone lets us know they are coming and they show up on time. Everyone really enjoys and has a great time.