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Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,468
Registered: ‎02-09-2016

Re: Tell me not to!

@hyacinth003 Please move on from the craziness of wanting to be the Executor. It is totally a very nervewracking job. And fighting with family about it  is surely something that would be something your Mother I am sure would not want. Move on for your health .It is so not worth wanting all the complications.My Prayers are with you and your family.Stay a family that is something is needed for peace. Heart

Honored Contributor
Posts: 30,218
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Tell me not to!

why create more angst for yourself and for your brother?

he has asked for a death certificate.

meet with him and hand it to him or put it in the mail with tracking so you know he has received it.

 

if he and his wife dont want to help clear out your fathers apartment then give them some notice that you will be doing it, keep what you want,  and then hire some movers to donate it to a local charity.

"If the camel once gets his nose in the tent, his body will soon follow." - Arab Proverb
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,724
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

Re: Tell me not to!

I probably wouldn't send it quickly, nor drag my feet.  A reasonable time limit.  Do they really need the money that quickly?  I'd tell them that I'll send it after I clean out Dad's room.  And take care of some other responsibilities that need to be done quickly.  When your brother requested a copy of the death certificate did he say do it quickly?  Maybe you're reading that into it.  Can't you ask your brother to schedule a time that you can talk to him about the situation?  Tell him how you feel.  Ask him how he thinks his wife is acting and if he thinks it's reasonable.  Ask him if your relationship is over.  Quit suffering in silence.  The situation can't get too much worse.  The wife sounds like a huge nut case and she's going to do anything she can to derail any plans.  I'd might enjoy knowing that her anger is eating her alive.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,665
Registered: ‎09-01-2010

Re: Tell me not to!

@hyacinth003,

OK, I will say it.   Please do not resort to the same ugly behavior that is being directed towards you.   Continue to be pleasant as you do exactly what you need to do.

 

Your SIL will continue to make your brothers life miserable until the final disbursement; I expect him to need his sister more than ever in the months ahead.   

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Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,319
Registered: ‎08-22-2013

Re: Tell me not to!

Whenever there is money involved even a little bit, relatives get weird. My husband and his brother were executor's of their Mother's estate, no problem. It was the grand kids that thought there should have been more cash and prizes for them. Long story short, they do not speak to us anymore. Good Luck.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,442
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Tell me not to!


@becca lou wrote:

@hyacinth003 Please move on from the craziness of wanting to be the Executor. It is totally a very nervewracking job. And fighting with family about it  is surely something that would be something your Mother I am sure would not want. Move on for your health .It is so not worth wanting all the complications.My Prayers are with you and your family.Stay a family that is something is needed for peace. Heart


@becca lou 

 

I am only executor because my father named me as one.  I didn't ask for it.  I am trying to do right by him.  I am NOT fighting with anyone.  Just because I post here about it doesn't mean I have fought anything or anyone.  I have kept it ALL to myself.  The only person acting out is sister-in-law.  I have been the soul of politeness.  But I am SICK of it, as I believe it is unwarranted due to my being polite.

 

What happened is today I received a business envelope package of papers about the life insurance.  I reported the loss when I reported his passing so as to stop his business pension.  He happened to have a business sponsored life insurance policy.  They had informed me that my brother, as another beneficiary, would receive his own papers.  So today I got mine, and I bet he got his also.  I had to give them all his information.  He is not home to open his mail, only his wife is.  He is in another state right now.  My guess is she opened his stuff and got on the phone to him right away to tell him to ask me for the death certificates!  I know totally how she operates.

 

I had informed him already to expect it as they had told me he would get his own.  I would hardly call that anything but polite.  Only one person wants a fight.  I haven't given it and probably won't.  I am venting hurt and frustration.

 

I would like to give bad back to her, but I won't.  I realize I can only control my behavior.

 

Hyacinth

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,660
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Tell me not to!

@hyacinth003 , I haven’t read all the responses but these are my observations.  You are the executor.  That role comes with the responsibilities you are now completing.  You have the choice as to whether to claim executor’s fees or not.  If this continues, claim the fees.

 

Continue to do your duties.  Settling an estate takes a long time.  Most people don’t get that so they will think you are dragging your feet.  Work at normal speed.  It is not out of the question they may take you to court so you want to be in a position to demonstrate you have carried out your duties in a reasonable timeframe.

 

I don’t offer to be anyone’s executor for just this reason.  Although it is sad, what is happening in your family is not uncommon.  Hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst.  Good luck.  LM

 

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,442
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Tell me not to!


@Scooby Doo wrote:

I probably wouldn't send it quickly, nor drag my feet.  A reasonable time limit.  Do they really need the money that quickly?  I'd tell them that I'll send it after I clean out Dad's room.  And take care of some other responsibilities that need to be done quickly.  When your brother requested a copy of the death certificate did he say do it quickly?  Maybe you're reading that into it.  Can't you ask your brother to schedule a time that you can talk to him about the situation?  Tell him how you feel.  Ask him how he thinks his wife is acting and if he thinks it's reasonable.  Ask him if your relationship is over.  Quit suffering in silence.  The situation can't get too much worse.  The wife sounds like a huge nut case and she's going to do anything she can to derail any plans.  I'd might enjoy knowing that her anger is eating her alive.


@Scooby Doo 

 

No, he didn't ask for it quickly.  However, I know his wife will not rest until she gets it!  She lives on control, saving money, and money.  My brother calls her "Google" because he says she knows everything.  I can attest to that also.  She is an electrician, I am an RN.  She aruged my father's care with me.  That's but one example.  She is overtly hyperactive and just can't stop getting in to things.  They don't need the money quickly.

 

He's vacationing in their condo in Florida.  I will call him while he's away from her and ask him if he wants our relationship over because of her.  I don't think he approves of her behavior toward me, but what does one do about a spouse?  From my perspective, she has been a cancer on our family and is a toxic individual.  I have tried hard to like her.  I have settled for tolerate politely until now.  She's pushed it perhaps out of whatever I am willing to do.

 

She's very angry with something, best I can guess is assuming my brother is co-executor so she can see everything or she's mad at my father for naming only me.

 

It is pretty rude to ignore my family in front of everyone.  Hopefully it reflects only on her.

 

Hyacinth

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,660
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Tell me not to!

@hyacinth003 , just read your last reply.  It’s a tough spot for your brother to be in...between his wife and his sister.  He lives with her so you know how that will go.  

 

Continue to deal with him in a constructive way.  Don’t ask him to choose between you or her.  This is one of those cases where it is best to bite your tongue as you have been doing.  

 

If you have to bring it to a head, do it with her, not him.  He gets that what she is doing is over the top even if he won’t admit it.  LM

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,149
Registered: ‎06-10-2015

Re: Tell me not to!

@hyacinth003 ...........obviously your dad knew which one of you he could trust.  So honor his trust.  Do the right thing.

"If its broke, God can fix it".....Joyce Meyer