Talking to very unpleasant old people - like my Da... - Page 9

silentgirl · ‎08-19-2016

Be kind to yourself. Know your limits while accepting that, adhering to them does not mean you are a "bad" daughter.

Maybe on the days you feel stronger and more capable of dealing with his mindset, do so. And, on those days when you feel a bit more fragile, step away for personal time.

I too, would perhaps think about having your dad checked for dementia. I care for a mom with dementia who acts very much that way.

Try not to internalize his negative chaos.

Wishing you peace and serenity while finding your way.

Marienkaefer2 · ‎03-09-2010

@silentgirl wrote:
Be kind to yourself. Know your limits while accepting that, adhering to them does not mean you are a "bad" daughter.

Maybe on the days you feel stronger and more capable of dealing with his mindset, do so. And, on those days when you feel a bit more fragile, step away for personal time.

I too, would perhaps think about having your dad checked for dementia. I care for a mom with dementia who acts very much that way.

Try not to internalize his negative chaos.

Wishing you peace and serenity while finding your way.

This is a good post.

We dealt with this when my grandparents got into their mid-90s and started to not feel well.

They were negative, and it was hard sometimes handling it.

We just took it day by day and learned not to internalize it.

If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.--Marcus Tullius Cicero

Zhills · ‎11-15-2011

We dealt with this when my grandparents got into their mid-90s and started to not feel well.

They were negative, and it was hard sometimes handling it.

We just took it day by day and learned not to internalize it.

See, it works! Bless you for your patience and caring.

Leeny · ‎06-24-2011

Well, I went to see my mother yesterday and put up her Christmas decoartions. It was just like I thought it would be. First though I had to wheel her down to the beauty shop to get her haircut and set. She looked so good when they brought her back, but she didn't seem to appreciate that I had made special arrangements to have someone come in on Saturday to do her. Anyway as I was straightening and putting things up she wheeled herself out of the room. She is always saying she wants me to come out and see her. Well, I guess that's not true. So I finished up and then the nurse came in and said she doesn't want any lunch, just water. She was having a pitty pat party because she didn't want me to throw out old papers and etc. She was always a hoarder so I figured this was what was really bugging her. She also was never a good housekeeper. She did eat some of her lunch, but she didn't even say goodbye when I left. Her sarcasms were enough for me. I had to leave. If looks could kill, I'd be a goner.

PenneyT · ‎02-27-2015

The strategy of 'letting it go in one ear and out the other' may work if someone is talking about the weather, how awful the neighbors are, their health, etc. (though the constant negativity can be crushing, too), BUT some people aren't just nattering on, they are saying things that cut to the core and are meant to demoralize and hurt.

If someone can muster the patience to listen to the former, great! But no one has the right to make anyone else miserable.

Being around a dark hole on occasion can be soul crushing enough; my heart goes out to those who deal with it on a frequent basis.

HiLo · ‎03-10-2010

Just ask the elderly to tell you some good stories about when they were kids; most love this and will usually brings smiles to their faces. As we age, the neurotransmitters in our brain usually become unbalanced. Seritonon, which is so essential for our emotional well being is often where it starts At least mentioning the problem to your Dr. to see what he recommends could be helpful.

Zhills · ‎11-15-2011

Don't you really do this with TV shows and movies??

Think about it. You don't internalize all the gory and negative in a TV show. You ignore it.

Why not do the same in real life?

If only you knew the value of 'listening' to them. Life becomes negative....so how do you talk positive about a negative day???????

Marienkaefer2 · ‎03-09-2010

@PenneyT wrote:
The strategy of 'letting it go in one ear and out the other' may work if someone is talking about the weather, how awful the neighbors are, their health, etc. (though the constant negativity can be crushing, too), BUT some people aren't just nattering on, they are saying things that cut to the core and are meant to demoralize and hurt.

If someone can muster the patience to listen to the former, great! But no one has the right to make anyone else miserable.

Being around a dark hole on occasion can be soul crushing enough; my heart goes out to those who deal with it on a frequent basis.

I can see your point. Believe me, our family was not without its old hurts, dramas, resentments, etc.

However, I think if you want to survive, you have to work on trying to get past it yourself.

Also, I see this as a learning experience. We are learning how we don't want to be at a certain age.

Finally, we have to remember that we are talking about people who are in their older years, may not be feeling well, etc. They may get grumpy, ornery, mean, etc. and I guess we have to keep that in mind.

Not everyone does, of course, but some do.

You do what you can, and you ask God for the strength for the rest.

If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.--Marcus Tullius Cicero

Zhills · ‎11-15-2011

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt,

SunValley · ‎04-19-2010

@nana59 wrote:
@Bonanzajellybean wrote:
Isn't it possible to not miss a parent after they die if they're surly, rude and downright mean if not abusive? I'm not sure everyone would wish they had those moments back.

Thank you. My father was always a mean, verbally abusive parent. When he died at the age of 73, I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders. Thank you for your understanding post. Not all of us came from a family of Waltons....

I lost my father 25 years ago and have sadly never missed him. Nor do any of my siblings. Some people should not be parents. None of us have repeated his behavior, but it has been challenging for all of us in different ways. I am sorry for anyone who has an aging parent with mental illnesses. It can wear down the strongest of us. Bless you all.