Re: Suggestions for something to send after a bad ... - Page 2

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

Sorry, but I don't get the couple of negative reactions to OP's question.

I had a father that was terminally ill my entire life, and died when I was 18. There were very few people, in all those years that reached out to our family and offered support in some way, and it was very sad for my dad, and for my mom.

There were a couple of friends that would just stop by and visit. They'd bring the news of the day from his former workplace, and just were a different face for my mom and dad to see once in awhile. I understand OP can't do this because of distance.

The next best thing would be a card or letter and not just one, especially for the wife. She is now a caregiver with a lot of stress, and might like something to arrive in the mail on some kind of regular basis, to remind her she is being prayed for and held up in her struggle. If that card contained some kinds of gift cards they/she could use, that would be nice, and if she can't use them directly, she could use them to gift people who might come to help them out throughout their journey.

Sending fruit baskets, or gift baskets with foods or teas etc. can be nice. Even if the patient doesn't eat or use the items, again those visiting or helping will appreciate the gesture and use the items. Sometimes homes are full of people dropping by to visit, or coming in to help care for the ill person. Often, having something on hand for them to eat or drink is just more burden on the caregiver. Sending something that can be consumed by the couple or their visitors could be very helpful.

When my cousin came all the way to Ohio from Alberta Canada to take care of a dying family member, I sent her (my cousin, the caregiver) flowers. She was so surprised, and I wanted to brighten her days and thank her for all the work she was doing to help our relative. I sent the patient flowers as well. Everyone wants to help the one who is ill and suffering, but it is just as important to help, comfort, and uphold the care giver as well.

Sage04 · ‎07-10-2011

@sydsgma1, so sorry to hear about your friend. I have been reading this board for over 20 years and for some reason people seem to miss certain information like " They are out of town" I had a friend in the Caribbean who was diagnozed with Stage 4 cancer. Asked her husband what she need and he gave me a list. Got everything together and send them by express shipping. Of course, in the Caribbean things are very expensive so she needed wipes, pampers and other things. They were so happy to receive them. No flowers because they affected her senses. Maybe you can ask the wife what is needed and go from there.

AuntG · ‎03-09-2010

@chrystaltree wrote:
I don't believe they make "Sorry about that cancer" gifts. If they are good friends, I'm surprised you have to ask. If I heard this unfortunate news directly from the person, I would have already said what I had to say and offered to help in any way that I could. I don't think I would send a card or anything. Of course, it I heard this from a third party, I would say nothing at all. True or not, it's gossip.

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I need help finding something for a truly mean, unhappy poster who is rude in nearly every response she posts. Even if I knew this family well, I too would struggle with a gift that would be appreciated. I do know someone going through this very same thing and she prefers cards that she can read in private instead of hugs in public because she fears breaking down in front of people.

Gram W · ‎01-22-2013

@Mominohio. You have great ideas.

I lost my husband after a 15 year fight with his health. As he declined so did the friends calls and visits. They were used to seeing him be healthy and very active out doing them in outside activities. They could not stand to see his decline. After work I would go home and take him and his medical supplies out for a drive, picnic, people watch in a mall, anything to get him out in the world after being in the house all day. During the years he needed day helpafter work Iwould take him home and return him in the am. A call from his friends would have meant alot to him. We are blessed with 2 wonderful sons who visited often and invited/took us to local places close to home. Knowing the end could come anytime we made the most of the time we had. Those special times are beautiful memories. He lasted 2 years longer than the doctors thought. I think this extra time was in part due to his enjoyment of his family and willingness to keep fighting inspite of the pain.

skuggles · ‎11-20-2013

In this circumstance... love and prayers.

kcladyz · ‎04-30-2012

Edible arrangements are great gifts but sometimes a phone call saying you care is all they need to feel good.

dex · ‎03-09-2010

@chrystaltree You have a lot of good information but your delivery often sounds harsh. The

Spurt · ‎03-20-2010

@sydsgma1 wrote:
If I were in the same place I would be therein person for them. I am 2000 mikes away. Thanks for the suggestions.

I would send them a nice card with a handwritten note to say that you are sending your love, you are thinking of both of them, and they are in your heartfelt prayers,

Animals are reliable, full of love, true in their affections, grateful. Difficult standards for people to live up to.”

scatcat · ‎03-15-2010

When my friend's mom was battling cancer, she specifically asked we send her cards. Her mom loved getting mail and reading them.

After my dad suddenly died, people would tap dance around saying sorry, like maybe I forgot he died and they would open a wound. One is always thinking about it - so say something.

Nomorebirthdays · ‎06-10-2015

I would send a card and make it known that you are open to text, email or phone calls day or night if she needs to talk.

Many years ago I had a patient that his wife sat at his bedside in the hospital, someone sent her a beautiful shawl and slippers. When we admired it she said she was to imagine it was her friends arms around her when she wore it.