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Honored Contributor
Posts: 30,918
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

@BunSnoop wrote:

@Porcelain I thought before posting as I would never want her to find out that I was seeking advise about the relationship,

 

I think I'm safe as she only uses a computer for work and the home computer once a year when she goes on-line to purchase Christmas gifts.  She told me that when she goes to her emails each December on the home computer there are hundreds of unread emails from stores that she made purchases from etc.  She told me she does not use a home computer - except for the few times during December!

 

Also, I brought up QVC one time and she looked at me like I had 2 heads - she had no idea what QVC was!

 

It's not at all odd that she doesn't know what QVC is.  Most people don't pay any attention at all to any of the shopping channels, they just skip right by them when they channel surf.  I belong to a wellness group.  The group meetings/classes are held weekly by phone.  The subject of air fryers came up and I could hardly believe the conversation!  Some had no idea what an air fryer is, one lady heard about them bt was sure they were very expensive.  A guy said he heard of them but thought they were for restaurants only.  Obviously those people do not watch shopping channels.  I started to tell them how inexpensive air fryers are and how to buy one on QVC but then I would have had to go into what QVC is and I just didn't want to go there.  It was so strange.  How could 10 or 12 people not know about air fryers???


 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,036
Registered: ‎07-25-2010

I feel for you....it's hard when you don't want to hurt someone.

 

if it were me I would explain the whole thing to my husband, and ask him to come to the next lunch.  Then when she sets it up say, oh ok...my husband will be joining us, too.  We have some errands to run right after, so he's coming too.

 

I have a feeling that change in the dynamic will change her mind.  If nothing else, you and hubby can chat!

Valued Contributor
Posts: 884
Registered: ‎10-21-2019

@BunSnoop  She sounds harmless and well meaning; maybe you could do the soft hand off? Since she loves to read maybe find a local book group and accompany her the first time or two, until she feels comfortable going alone?

 

Just a thought. I know you don't want to hurt her feelings but I also know how prized weekend time can be. 

Whatever gets you through the night; it's alright, it's alright. It's your money or your life; it's alright, it's alright---John Lennon
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,636
Registered: ‎05-22-2010

@alicedee, I've received some very good suggestions from everyone, but I'm feeling super comfortable with what you've suggested. I will change things up a bit and bring my husband and can mention, as you said, that we have some errands to run afterwards.    As they say, the more the merrier!  Smiley Happy     

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,887
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@BunSnoop wrote:

@alicedee, I've received some very good suggestions from everyone, but I'm feeling super comfortable with what you've suggested. I will change things up a bit and bring my husband and can mention, as you said, that we have some errands to run afterwards.    As they say, the more the merrier!  Smiley Happy     


Alicedee's suggest is a good one--especially since it's a polite way of doing something about it.

 

But the one issue may be, she'll bring her husband along (which could be fine) and then you've quite possibly got a foursome going....four times a year.

 

And then you may have to be creative (like Doug on King of Queens when he doesn't want to socialize with his wife's friends) and hope it works.  Or not.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,955
Registered: ‎08-13-2010

You maybe the only friend she has. Seems her husband maybe controlling. Yes get the husbands together and see how he acts in a lunch. Or suggest go to the museum as couples see this husband (he maybe nice who knows) she could be in a problem relationship or maybe not. She maybe just shy needs a women friend just strange. My DD is 31yrs in work all the 50 yr old women are petty and yak this one said this or that so DD has to calm them down even her supervisor says to DD thank you keeping them calm. She said stupid stuff & I am the youngest trying to help you out not listening to them. Stupid petty stuff we just need to get the work done. Her supervisor loves her. She does not have a personal level with co workers, work is work when it gets to personal level outside of work things change

Valued Contributor
Posts: 746
Registered: ‎06-03-2012

@occasionalrain wrote:

She's given you an opportunity to be kind. There are untold topics of conversation that are neither personal nor the weather. Generally, those who ask the questions she does aren't prying into your personal life, just trying to start a friendly conversation. 

There may be something she wants to tell a friend but so far you haven't made her comfortable enough to share it.

 

This BB is full of conversational topics, most are not personal and yet strangers seem able to connect with one another.

 

My advice is a change of attitude.

 


Thank you for your show of empathy and kindness at a time when these qualities seem, clearly, to be lacking. Your advice is spot on and in a word......REFRESHING.🌸

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,378
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Your coworker may just need a moment before or after working.  It's not a big deal.  Say hello and yawn or drink your coffee.