Among Friends

[HouseMouse]

Thank you so much for all of the good suggestions and ideas. There is alot for me to check into!!! I appreciate very much! I also appreciate the good wishes! God Bless.

[ID2]

Sounds like your dad is ready to enter an assisted living facility. The name alone tells you its for those that need a little help getting around. Definitely look into it before he has a serious accident. I know what I'm talking about.

[HouseMouse]

He really should be in an assisted living facility! But it is not that easy!

# the  cost, he cant afford it!

#he is stubborn and wont go at this point

I would love for him to be in one!! It would do him good in many ways. To be around people and have things to do as well.

[BalletBabe]

@HouseMouse  I was in same situation with my hubby.  He passed in March and this is what I would do.   If he has insurance other them Medicare, sometimes they will help you a few hrs a week with a RX from Dr.  Also what a lot of people don't know , is that you can get help from Hospice.  Some people think you only call them when a person is dying.  That is not true. 

They can also get him any equipement he needs such as a bedside toilet etc.  I doubt they drive you anywhere , but they may know who you could call.  Depending on his condition , they have their own Dr.'s and he would not have to leave the house.  Good Luck to you, it is a difficult job.

[libbyannE]

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@151949 wrote:

It sounds like time for him to go to assisted living.

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We hired " right at home" which is one of the companies that work to keep the elderly at home, not only because dad adamantly refused to consider a home and I thought it would break his spirit to go there at this point, but also because I had many disappointing experiences when my mother and later my stepmother were in a nursing home for post-surgery rehab. They were both in places widely deemed to be outstanding, but there is not enough staff to provide enough help at even the best places. I could not get the home to get their doctor to see my mother for leg swelling, my stepmother fell and had to return to the hospital where they found an infection that the home had not noticed, and more. Nursing homes have their place, absolutely, but for the same cost, we have 24-hour in-home care for my dad and stepmother. We are still very involved in their care, and it would be easier for US, the children, to put them into a home, which will probably happen eventually. They both have dementia and with inadequate staffing in nursing homes, too many dementia patients are controlled with drugs which turn them into zombies. There are no easy answers. Our own situation is a day-at-a-time thing, but even dad's neurologist told me last week that he is better off at home for now than in a care facility. That is the newer trend, but I feel for and respect any other families dealing with these issues. I am only sharing our experience and thinking, for what it is worth.

[Ms X]

That's an interesting post, @libbyannE, full of good advice.  I remember when my maternal grandmother was removed from her home to a nursing home.  She was very ill, but survived only two weeks more.  

That said, in recent years I knew a geriatrician who had a practice for people of all ages (primary care) and also made the rounds of at least one of a major city's assisted-care facilities.  I had the utmost respect for this person.  I would advise anyone whose loved one is in a nursing home to find out what doctor(s) attend at the facility and call them at whatever office they can get a response.  Doctors these days face all kinds of bureaucratic problems, BUT they retain their ethics and their caring.  If you can get them on the phone, you might be able to solve your problem.  They need to have the family's input in order to advocate on their behalf.  Anyone who says doctors are only interested in money is either insane or on drugs.

[libbyannE]

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@Ms X wrote:

That's an interesting post, @libbyannE, full of good advice.  I remember when my maternal grandmother was removed from her home to a nursing home.  She was very ill, but survived only two weeks more.  

That said, in recent years I knew a geriatrician who had a practice for people of all ages (primary care) and also made the rounds of at least one of a major city's assisted-care facilities.  I had the utmost respect for this person.  I would advise anyone whose loved one is in a nursing home to find out what doctor(s) attend at the facility and call them at whatever office they can get a response.  Doctors these days face all kinds of bureaucratic problems, BUT they retain their ethics and their caring.  If you can get them on the phone, you might be able to solve your problem.  They need to have the family's input in order to advocate on their behalf.  Anyone who says doctors are only interested in money is either insane or on drugs.

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Excellent points. I had to physically remove my mother from the home's post- surgery wing and take her to her own excellent doctor for what turned out to be potentially fatal thrombosis. I did not criticize the doctor in my post but the nursing home and their methods; they said the doctor saw patients once a week, period. I don't think they even called their doctor! But we had a crisis so I had to take charge. You do need an advocate. great point. 

[Ms X]

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@libbyannE wrote:

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@Ms X wrote:

That's an interesting post, @libbyannE, full of good advice.  I remember when my maternal grandmother was removed from her home to a nursing home.  She was very ill, but survived only two weeks more.  

That said, in recent years I knew a geriatrician who had a practice for people of all ages (primary care) and also made the rounds of at least one of a major city's assisted-care facilities.  I had the utmost respect for this person.  I would advise anyone whose loved one is in a nursing home to find out what doctor(s) attend at the facility and call them at whatever office they can get a response.  Doctors these days face all kinds of bureaucratic problems, BUT they retain their ethics and their caring.  If you can get them on the phone, you might be able to solve your problem.  They need to have the family's input in order to advocate on their behalf.  Anyone who says doctors are only interested in money is either insane or on drugs.

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Excellent points. I had to physically remove my mother from the home's post- surgery wing and take her to her own excellent doctor for what turned out to be potentially fatal thrombosis. I did not criticize the doctor in my post but the nursing home and their methods; they said the doctor saw patients once a week, period. I don't think they even called their doctor! But we had a crisis so I had to take charge. You do need an advocate. great point. 

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Good for you, @libbyannE!  You did the right thing.  Doctors are excellent advocates.  People are wrong when they say all they want is $$$.  You need their help to get through to the non-medical people who TOO OFTEN have control these days, whether it's in the hospital or the nursing home or WHATEVER.  It's important for the business people to keep things SOLVENT, but I believe that doctors have lost their primary role and IT IS NOT FOR THE BETTER for the patients, the facilities, or EVEN THESE BUSINESSES. 

[qualitygal]

Geez, I could have written that. I was able to call my brother and he helped some, but I did a lot, esp. before he came home. We did have a company of people who were helpers who came in. Men helped with a shower (seat in the tub), 1-2 times a week, (as long as he was awake) (he had Alzheimer's), and there were day ladies who came in. It had to be for 2 hrs. at a shot or longer if you requested. Yes, they have visiting doctors who come can come in. You'll need to check and look this up. If you have a senior center or something on that line, look in the yellow pages. Your phone will be your new hand extention for awhile. It was for me. Keep phone numbers handy. Write down who you talk to when, and what company. Write down their prices, etc. etc. It is a lot of work, but we take care of family, they took care of us. Wish you luck, hang in there. @HouseMouse.

Check w/visiting doctor about a wheelchair. He can walk some hanging onto the back. You should follow beside or in back of him in case of wobbly legs and set him down. At nursing homes or home care, sometimes they use a large belt around them to help secure them as they walk. You hold onto the belt too so you'll feel how they are doing. You might want to be sure of costs that Medicare can help with. Somethings may require a "prescription". Check the hospitals for visiting doctors. 

also if he is shakey when he eats, get an apron and use it for a bib. It will save clothes and headaches.

[Imadickens]

First, you have my sympathies! It's hard to have a loved one need help and for you to feel helpless. I advise calling the Office for the Aging first. If they can't help, call the senior center. They may have dealt with this before and know more about your community than we. The Jewish Synagogue here has a group that gives rides for people who need help. Finally, is there a homemaker service? We have several that send skilled people to assist with getting people to and from med. appts., do light housekeeping, cooking, personal care, etc. We had a woman stay with my mil. You might look for a college student who would live in in exchange for his help. If you have a nursing school, try there. Good luck! I know what it's like not to have anywhere to turn!