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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,652
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Step-daughter/step-mother relationship

I agree with @Nuttmeg .  Tell DH that this is a huge stressor for you.  I would insist until it’s done.  Estates can be very problematic otherwise even in friendly circumstances.  

 

As for being executor, that is not a job I want except for DH and I.  Money issues can bring out the worst in people.

 

Good luck OP.  LM

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,972
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Step-daughter/step-mother relationship


@sarahpanda wrote:

I've been married to my husband for 30 years.  There has never been a close relationship between his daughter and myself , barely a 'relationship' at all.  Now as her father is nearing his last years , she wants us to 'communicate' so she can help with medical issues for him....um...I think I'm quite competent to handle any issues that might arise, I have all these years.  I see trouble a-brewing.


@sarahpanda You say you have never been close with your step daughter....does that mean she also is not close with her dad and that is why you are not happy about her all of sudden wanting to be involved?

 

Or is she just 'cool' towards you?  I would be suspect of her desire to be more involved if she has not been around at all but if she has always been close with her dad, of course she would want to communicate about his health.

 

I think the relationship with her dad, makes a big difference....but with that being said, I have seen one of my step daughters really hurt her dad....he says very little about it but when she started coming around again, he was thrilled....maybe when/if she comes around let them have alone time and if your dh is ill, it wil give you a bit of relief for some of  alone time for yourself or to run an errand, get out etc...let us know how things are going!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,977
Registered: ‎09-01-2010

Re: Step-daughter/step-mother relationship

A good friend of mine can tell some horror stories about adult stepchildren wanting “to help” their elderly father.    

 

On her wedding day 30 years ago, “THE perfect mans” children were “adorable”.    Ask her today what adjectives she’s using to describe what’s going on, and I guarantee you will not hear the words perfect, or adorable!  

 

After years of no contact whatsoever, the kids have started coming around again to “check on Dad”, who is in his early 80’s.   All have offered him a place to live, and the promise of all the care he needs.   He tells them he’s seen exactly how much they care, and he’s in much better hands with his wife, in their home!   

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,648
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: Step-daughter/step-mother relationship

I had a visit with my SD last night and I think things will smooth on out. Not as worried now as I was before.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,096
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Step-daughter/step-mother relationship

@sarahpanda so happy it went well. Being gracious helps; so does having all his wishes in writing.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,682
Registered: ‎07-10-2011

Re: Step-daughter/step-mother relationship

@sarahpanda , I really do hope that things work out. I wasn´t planning to post because it was getting me upset because I was hoping that your SD would be able to see her dad.

 

Best wishes to the family.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,513
Registered: ‎10-27-2010

Re: Step-daughter/step-mother relationship

What a sad post. Why so suspicious? Any child wd want to be kept in the loop re a parent’s health and care. When my dad and stepmother started going downhill, I finally jumped in. My stepmother never made me feel as if I didn’t belong, and we actually grew closer. Their wills and such were set years earlier, and I neither asked nor cared what provisions they made. I just wanted to be sure they weren’t going it alone.