Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,379
Registered: ‎05-18-2017

Re: Spent An Hour Trying to Find an Outfit for Tonight

@Bunsnoop wrote:

I told you I could go on and on about's another good one!


We were are a family restaurant and the first time ever she ordered a hamburger.  She was mumbling that she wanted mustard.  When the waitress came back to the table, my father-in-law asked the waitress for the mustard.  Well, it was busy, and the waitress forgot. 


The step-mother-in law got so angry she threw the hamburger on the floor!!!    The waitress came back later realizing she forgot the mustard and the step-mother-in-law said no need - don't want it any more.  The waitress saw the hamburger on the floor and said she was so sorry, offered to bring a new hamburger, etc.  Step-mother-in-law said "don't bother".   We all tried telling the waitress that it's okay, no need to be sorry, etc. but you could tell she was upset. My father-in-law did get up later and talked to the waitress on the side.

Wow @Bunsnoop .   What a bizarre story!  I feel mostly sorry for your father in law!  He must really love her to put up with this type of behavior.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,648
Registered: ‎09-12-2010

Re: Spent An Hour Trying to Find an Outfit for Tonight

Oh dear, what a horrible and nasty MIL you have! Dress for yourself and feel good about it - your choices are just fine! Maybe it's time everyone (you) stops tiptoeing around her! You're old enough to not take the junk she dishes out. How about just telling her to find someone else to make her nasty comments! Honestly - she gets by with it because no one stops her.


I'd probably tell her that she's having another one of her nasty senior moments and probably should just sit down and be quiet before she embarrasses herself again...because everyone knows how she is! LOL!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 61,816
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Spent An Hour Trying to Find an Outfit for Tonight

This is the kind of thing most of us don't want to see come to a head but that sooner or later probably needs to... In days gone by I'd have probably tolerated her and tried to make as nice as possible. At this point, I'd be more inclined to either state it right at the get go or wait for her first snide comment to lay it on the line. My message would be "It's been ages since we've all been able to get together, it's been a heck of a year and I think we'd all like this to be a nice visit. That's up to you. We can either enjoy each others company or not, but be advised, I'm prepared to give as good as I get"...

In my pantry with my cupcakes...
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,358
Registered: ‎02-05-2011

Re: Spent An Hour Trying to Find an Outfit for Tonight

Unfortunately it's doubtful anything  you say or do at this point will change her behavior. It just may be she has physical/mental issues that can only be addressed by a professional.  Try your best to get through the visit and let it go.  You are not dealing with a rational person. Don't engage in reacting to her behavior, she'd probably be pleased she got a reaction from you.  Keep you visits far and few between.  It's not you, it's her.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 32,398
Registered: ‎01-08-2011

Re: Spent An Hour Trying to Find an Outfit for Tonight

Pretty outfit!  Be comfortable and hold your head high.  You don't have to be in her presence unless you chose to.

I shut a door many years ago. 

You can't "make" anyone gracious or kind.  It is what it is.


Best of luck!

Valued Contributor
Posts: 534
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Spent An Hour Trying to Find an Outfit for Tonight

@Bunsnoop ... So how was the old bag ... ooops! I mean how did your visit go? Was it just the 4 of you? Hopefully there were more than just the 4 of you! She has really done a number on you with her mean remarks! I am so sorry she has done that to you AND your husband!!!


Please tell us how this... ummm... visit went! I really wish I saw this earlier because l would NEVER allow her to talk to me or my husband again like she has in the past! If she said ONE mean thing to you or your husband this visit, l would tell her to SHUT HER MOUTH and l wouldn't care if you said it in front of your father-in-law!


The days of her being a bully are OVER!!! She has been allowed to get away with it for far too long! Look how she has affected you! I don't care if she has a mental problem or not! She is loving being a bully! If your evening was a mess by her ruining it, either you or your husband should tell your Father-in-law that is the last time the 4 of you are getting together! He must know how she is and has heard her. He's letting her get away with her mean remarks! I wish l had told my own mother off sooner!


Sending you hugs! ❤️

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,205
Registered: ‎05-22-2010

Re: Spent An Hour Trying to Find an Outfit for Tonight

@EastCoastGal , the evening is over - and it went better than usual!  It was just the 4 of us.


We were suppose to meet them at 5:30.  At 4:00 our phone rings and they said they're already at the restaurant and sitting in the parking lot!   The explanation they gave as to why they were so early made no sense - something about they wanted to listen to the baseball game in the car while driving??  My husband said we'll be there as soon as we can.  (It's about a 30 minute drive for us to get there plus I had just stepped out of the shower and was blow drying my wet hair)!  Glad I had my outfit all ready to go - but I had no time to style my hair the way I wanted to, add jewelry, etc.   So I did lack some of the confidence I had hoped to have for the meeting.


This was their  1st dinner out since COVID - so I think getting out finally put her in a better mood plus afterwards they were going to what she loves most - a casino!


Of course she did have her "comments".  As people were being seated at their tables she kept looking at them and would make comments such as "each one is bigger than the next"....."looks like everyone stayed home during COVID and did nothing but eat", etc.


Also, when she heard that two aunts were coming into the area  in July to attend a celebration of life for a distant family member that passed away due to COVID, she said "why are they coming" "where are they staying-not with us"  "we'll have to plan on going on a cruise so we're not around when they come in", etc.


When my husband had mentioned that he enjoyed riding his bicycle around our neighborhood, she asked him - why would you do that - what's wrong with you???   He said he enjoys the exercise and all of the nice people he meets.  She just shook her head like he is crazy.   We did not understand her reaction to someone just saying they ride a bicycle??


Oh well - I'm so glad it's over and I can now enjoy the rest of the weekend.  I appreciate all of the kindness and suggestions everyone here offered.  Thank you!









Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,947
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: Spent An Hour Trying to Find an Outfit for Tonight

That thing about throwing the hamburge,r my Mom had to put Daddy in the nursing home after he did some of the same. He was suffering from dementia. Kinda scary.

I am one that will confront a person,but some diseases make a person difficult to confront.

Write to me at OMalleys and we will plan our escape.
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,681
Registered: ‎10-01-2013

Re: Spent An Hour Trying to Find an Outfit for Tonight

@Bunsnoop, glad you made it through the evening and probably won't have to spend time with her again anytime soon. At least she didn't have an outburst. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,497
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Spent An Hour Trying to Find an Outfit for Tonight

You're so much nicer than me.  I wouldn't have gone.  No force on earth could have gotten me out of the house to go.


I'm glad for you that it went well enough.

Why is it, when I have a 50/50 guess at something, I'm always 100% wrong?