Among Friends

[lolakimono]

@bookss

Can you say how old your grandson is?  I believe that your SIL should not be taking care of him unsupervised until this is resolved.  Your daughter could have him taken away if something happens under SIL's watch.  This is serious. 

[151949]

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@Kachina624 wrote:

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@151949 wrote:

He is certainly not an alcoholic if this was simply a one time event - which is what it sounds like. He is incredibly irresponsible though.Was this just the one time? Has he had any other incidents that would indicate he is an alcoholic?

Posters here are always ready to jump on something and blow it way out of proportion before all the facts are known.

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I assume when someone comes here and bares her soul that's it's not a one-time occurance but rather is a family problem, especially if his parents have weighed in on it.

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Where did the OP say his parents had weighed in on this? Nor did she say this has happened more than one time.How drunk could he have been if he had to tell his wife he had been drinking.(and the OP did say that). Sometimes people on this board have huge imaginations.

[Suziepeach]

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@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:

I would monitor this situation closely and try to make sure the grandchild is safe and protected at all times......adults need to look out for children in jeopardy and IMHO yes it is absolutely your business.

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I agree with you, Yorkie.  I was sadly married to an alcoholic and my imagination wasn't too huge- things happened that were horrific..  It started out as small things but grew into a nasty, vicious monster that would strike out at me- I had the bruises to show for it.  It's a nasty web to get involved with and harder to get out but I did.  OP, this might have been a one time thing only but that him driving was my first ut-oh and then a DUI...  Hoping they can get this worked out and if needed, they can find professional help.  I don't want you to be hurt by comments that may or may not appear on this thread..  Good Luck & I wish them all the best.. 

[LilacTree]

20 years ago I stopped by my daughter's house on the way home from work to see my little one year old granddaughter.  Asked my daughter where she was.  "She's in the tub, G is watching her."  I go into the bathroom.  She is sitting in her tub chair, the tap water is on and is up to her chin.  She looks at me totally expressionless and completely still with her beautiful brown eyes, no smile.  I yell, pull the plug, grab her and wrap her in a towel, walk past her father whose face is totally focused into his computer, involved in what he is doing.  I say "What the he!! is wrong with you?"  He answers, "oh, she's fine."

I bring her into the kitchen and dry her on my lap loudly telling my daughter never to trust him to watch her again.  I doubt he was drunk, he was just not thinking about his one year old child in the tub.  I shake all the way home.

Several years later there is another child, nine months old.  They lived in a huge house by this time with a very large glass enclosed gas fireplace.  I was living with them temporarily.  Baby is starting to try to walk.  I say to my daughter  I'm worried, we need to put a grate around the fireplace, that glass is as hot as an oven.  She said G doesn't like the look of a grate.  Don't worry, we watch him.

ONE WEEK LATER, I come home from work and all I hear is a baby screaming.  I walk in the patio door, and my baby grandson is screaming, holding his arms out to me, his mother, his father, going from one to another, screaming in pain for the adults to help him.  Sure enough, he had crawled up to the glass fireplace and tried to pull himself up with his left hand.  Third degree burns on his left hand, several operations and skin transplants at Childrens Hospital in Philly, ugly scars to this day.  Again, his father was supposed to be watching him.  And they never put a grate up either, even after this.  I lost it on them, the fault lay with both of them.  I yelled "we just talked about this!!!" 

Both of these children also broke their left arms in early childhood because the house was never child-proofed.  It was supposed to look like a House and Garden home.

These events are burned into my brain.

I know this thread is about drinking, and I posted about that also, but it is also about negligence.

[Moonchilde]

Judging by what the OP has said, rather than assume this is a case of full blown, long term alcoholism with abuse, frequent neglect, that the parents aren't getting along, yadda yadda -

Why not assume this is a good wake-up call, with no need to freak out and stomp around over a maybe-issue.

The husband should not have let it happen - either drinking too much while in charge of a child, or drinking and driving, with or without a child in the car. But anyone can misjudge and make an error in judgment. That doesn't mean they are a full-on, in denial dangerous alcoholic.

If husband and wife have a solid loving relationship, she needs to sit down with him and without going overboard, discuss with him the dangers of what happened, just with the child at home, and then compounding it by driving. He might be very remorseful if he's not beaten over the head about it.

Wife should let him know it can't happen again, and if she has reason to believe it will, she can't trust leaving the child with him. If there should be any further "next time" issues and she believes he is drunk when he leaves, *she* should call the cops & have them look out for him.

It will play out as it will play out. Either there is a real problem, or not so much. That should be worked on by the couple. But overreacting at an early stage can create problems that aren't necessary.

Insure the safety of the child, the mother, and those on the road, for sure, but don't assume the worst and charge heil-bent, out for blood, before it's shown that's necessary.

[151949]

It would be a terrible thing to have some of the posters here on a jury. On every subject they are jumping to conclusions and always out for blood -- way before they have any actual facts. Always making a mountian out of a molehill. 

[Suziepeach]

I would be very proud to serve with several of our posters on a jury..  The OP asked for advice, people have responded, including myself..  I don't believe anyone is out of line or out for blood.. what an awful assumption..

[Bestdressed]

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@bookss wrote:

He didn't have his son in the vehicle.  But he got drunk taking care of him and when my daughter came home, he left and then recieved the DUI.  He doesn't believe he is an alcoholic.  

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Hopefully that DUI will help save his life. I hope they make him attend classes AND AA meetings.  Maybe, just maybe he will have a moment of clarity to see he needs help to change and realize that maybe he is an alcoholic after all.

[fourpaws56]

huge red flag...I would never leave him with my child again...