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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,454
Registered: ‎01-13-2013

I would monitor this situation closely and try to make sure the grandchild is safe and protected at all times......adults need to look out for children in jeopardy and IMHO yes it is absolutely your business.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,513
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

The OP got some good advice here. Having lived thru it, Al Anon saved my sanity. Not my marriage, only my sanity.

 

I don't know of any drinking alcoholic who believes they have a problem. That's because they measure themselves by everyone around them who also drinks. They'll proudly tell you they're not as bad as........and then they go on to name all their drunk friends.

 

I couldn't trust my ex to babysit, either. I hired a babysitter or swapped babysitting with a trusted girlfirend. 

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,199
Registered: ‎07-29-2014

@LilacTree wrote:

I had four SILs, and all of them were addicts.  Two were confirmed daily users of hard alcohol, one is a "mellow" drug user (weed, mostly, but how would I know), and the fourth is a narcissistic sociopath who goes into horrific rages when he drinks alcohol.  He continues to be an emotional abuser to my little daughter since their divorce almost six years ago.

 

One of the confirmed daily user alcoholics did not stop drinking when my daughter divorced him, he did not stop drinking when he lost every job he ever had . . . he did finally stop drinking eight years ago when he almost lost his leg driving under a truck on his bicycle.  He also has severe back and kidney issues since that accident.  He's been in AA and sober ever since.  He has a good relationship with his two children and in reality, saved his own life. 

 

To the poster:  Yes, this is personal, but you have every right to post about this here as you need all the support you can get.  Dealing with alcoholics/addicts, especially when you are the MIL, is absolute agony.  I hope you can get your daughter to address this issue before it gets worse.  Unless they almost kill themselves (as I stated above) nothing will change them.  My heart goes out to you.

 


 

Sorry about your petite daughter, JSS.

Alcohol just makes you more of who you truly are.

 

With any addicition, the person has to have an emotional breakthrough before they'll do anything to stop the behavior and change their life for the positive.

 

That's why, sadly, many don't just "come close" to accidentally killing themselves.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,199
Registered: ‎07-29-2014

bookss:  sending good thoughts to your daughter, grandson, and his dad who obviously needs them.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 25,929
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

He is certainly not an alcoholic if this was simply a one time event - which is what it sounds like. He is incredibly irresponsible though.Was this just the one time? Has he had any other incidents that would indicate he is an alcoholic?

Posters here are always ready to jump on something and blow it way out of proportion before all the facts are known.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,614
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

@151949 wrote:

He is certainly not an alcoholic if this was simply a one time event - which is what it sounds like. He is incredibly irresponsible though.Was this just the one time? Has he had any other incidents that would indicate he is an alcoholic?

Posters here are always ready to jump on something and blow it way out of proportion before all the facts are known.


Driving drunk is unacceptable and a true sign of someone who is drinking in excess.  Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,112
Registered: ‎12-08-2014

@151949 wrote:

He is certainly not an alcoholic if this was simply a one time event - which is what it sounds like. He is incredibly irresponsible though.Was this just the one time? Has he had any other incidents that would indicate he is an alcoholic?

Posters here are always ready to jump on something and blow it way out of proportion before all the facts are known.


One can be an alcoholic and never have a single accident or incident.  One can be an alcoholic and never actually be "drunk".  Even a couple of drinks impairs one's judgement and motor skills.    And guess what?   Someone who isn't an alcoholic can drive drunk, even if it's just one time, and get into an accident and kill someone.  And.....the victim isn't LESS dead because the driver wasn't an alcoholic.  OP wouldn't be so concerned and worried if she wasn't sure that her sil had an alcohol problem.  Whether he is technically and alcoholic or not is totally irrelevant.  Anyone who drives drunk, even one single time, has a drinking problem.  And they should deal with it!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,997
Registered: ‎03-25-2012

@feline groovy wrote:

@LilacTree wrote:

I had four SILs, and all of them were addicts.  Two were confirmed daily users of hard alcohol, one is a "mellow" drug user (weed, mostly, but how would I know), and the fourth is a narcissistic sociopath who goes into horrific rages when he drinks alcohol.  He continues to be an emotional abuser to my little daughter since their divorce almost six years ago.

 

One of the confirmed daily user alcoholics did not stop drinking when my daughter divorced him, he did not stop drinking when he lost every job he ever had . . . he did finally stop drinking eight years ago when he almost lost his leg driving under a truck on his bicycle.  He also has severe back and kidney issues since that accident.  He's been in AA and sober ever since.  He has a good relationship with his two children and in reality, saved his own life. 

 

To the poster:  Yes, this is personal, but you have every right to post about this here as you need all the support you can get.  Dealing with alcoholics/addicts, especially when you are the MIL, is absolute agony.  I hope you can get your daughter to address this issue before it gets worse.  Unless they almost kill themselves (as I stated above) nothing will change them.  My heart goes out to you.

 


 

Sorry about your petite daughter, JSS.

Alcohol just makes you more of who you truly are.

 

With any addicition, the person has to have an emotional breakthrough before they'll do anything to stop the behavior and change their life for the positive.

 

That's why, sadly, many don't just "come close" to accidentally killing themselves.


That is so true, JSS.  I was very close to a family where both the parents were alcoholics, the mother also being bipolar.  Their tall, handsome 19 year-old-son shot himself in the head one day, their only child.  I had met him several times, he was a lovely boy.  The mother stopped drinking, but still has problems, being bipolar and having lost her son in such a horrible way.  I have no idea what happened to the father once they divorced, although I did hear he was devastated. 

 

There are addicts in certain branches of my extended family as well, all tragedies waiting to happen.  They tend to stay away from the primary family, which is pretty typical.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986
Honored Contributor
Posts: 69,397
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@151949 wrote:

He is certainly not an alcoholic if this was simply a one time event - which is what it sounds like. He is incredibly irresponsible though.Was this just the one time? Has he had any other incidents that would indicate he is an alcoholic?

Posters here are always ready to jump on something and blow it way out of proportion before all the facts are known.


 

I assume when someone comes here and bares her soul that's it's not a one-time occurance but rather is a family problem, especially if his parents have weighed in on it.

New Mexico☀️Land Of Enchantment
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,664
Registered: ‎05-13-2010

I would suggest both you and your daaughter go to Al Anon meetings, even if you can't go together.  Good luck.