Among Friends

[bookss]

Drinking while taking care of their son.  My daughter did not know he was drunk. He admitted to it later.  He doesn't think he has a drinking problem.  Any advice?

[Kachina624]

Oh yes indeed for many, many years.  This is a complex problem that is not easily resolved.  First I'd try to get the young man to go to AA and your daughter to Alnon where they can advise and help her cope with the issue.  Do they have health insurance that might include rehab or counseling services?  This should be considered an emergency so tell her to do it now.

If your son was drunk in the car and had the child with him, he could be charged with child endangerment and the child could be removed from the parents.

Do you have a doctor or clergyman who could help get the guy to AA?  He'll probably resist because "it's for drunks". He probably doesn't put himself in that category.  Hate to tell you, but your family may be in for a lifetime battle.  Ignore his family.  They're in denial and won't be supportive.  This is serious.  Good luck.

[bookss]

He didn't have his son in the vehicle.  But he got drunk taking care of him and when my daughter came home, he left and then recieved the DUI.  He doesn't believe he is an alcoholic.  

[Kachina624]

Tell your daughter to find an Alnon meeting and go tomorrow night.  They'll be very supportive.

All budding alcoholics think they are not one.  If he got a DUI, he has a serious problem.

If he should become physically abusive, tell her to not hesitate calling the police immediately.  That tells him she's serious.

[ID2]

This is a highly personal matter and IMO shouldn't be discussed on a bb.

[Group 5 minus 1]

I agree w/ ID2. I am sorry about all this but it is such a personal matter.

[Another new name Sue]

Bookss...of course you are free to ask for advice here, and you've gotten some good advice.  You must be worried sick, and although I have no advice to add, I wish you and your family well.

[Danky]

BOOKSS---I've not been through something like this but that does not preclude my having sadness for you and your family...

I can absolutely understand your posting here. This is such a personal and complicated situation that many people would choose not to share details with others in their RL.....You've not asked for advice/opinions so I will not offer any but I do wish you all the best.

[Perkup]

I don't want to point fingers, but I am afraid that this is a much more complicated situation than just a guy who got drunk once. Very likely to be something much deeper.  As for your daughter ordering him out of the house, she sent him out drunk to endanger other children and adults as well as himself. Had a tragedy occured, she would have had a lifetime of regret. Not a good choice IMHO.

 I believe there is some serious marriage counseling needed to determine the real issues here. I went to an Alanon meeting once with a friend who wanted a companion there, and from what I observed this is not the kind of help that your family needs. Try to get them into professional counseling as soon as possible, and don't allow yourself to become too involved - you don't want to complicate the situation.

[millieshops]

It would be a personal matter if drunk drivers didn't do so much damage to those of us who are total strangers to them.  I don't think it's personal at all - I learned that the hard way - from the alcoholic in my own family.

OP has received good starting advice and I hope her daughter AND she both go to for support and learning.