Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,815
Registered: ‎03-28-2015

Sometimes reconnecting isn't a good thing...

I reconnected with a cousin over the last couple months. We used to visit each other in our younger and teen years, but we live on opposite sides of the country and haven't seen each other since. 


She mentioned in a brief note in her Christmas card that her only son had got engaged and that none of her family planned on attending. she was able to convince me that they were being unreasonable and I felt bad for her being treated so badly.


Anyway, I thought it would be nice to talk, email and text with each other often especially since we are both retired now. She invited us to her lakeside cabin this summer for a visit. I was excited to go at first. 


Now after a couple months of this, I see why she doesn't have much communication with her friends and family.....she is bossy, condescending and the last month has written me emails that go on a tirade about different things. If I say anything...she brings up she has MORE education and degrees...... and that is why she is right about something and I don't know what I am talking about.


I have decide to ease up on the communication with her and I am going to have to figure out a way to get out of visiting this summer now because there is no way I want to spend a week with her.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,441
Registered: ‎03-17-2010

Re: Sometimes reconnecting isn't a good thing...

Boy that's disappointing, especially when you have such fond memories. Unfortunately it happens.  Be as honest as  you can without deliberately hurting her feelings.  I know from what you say that she has no compunction regarding your feelings, but extricating yourself from visiting this woman is the important thing.  From that point, exit stage left.... life is way too short to put yourself in in the position to be denigrated every time you talk to her..... good luck!

*Be kind to unkind people because they're the ones who need it the most.....*~
Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,720
Registered: ‎08-08-2010

Re: Sometimes reconnecting isn't a good thing...

Since there is so much actual distance between the two of you, I would back it down a notch at a time, and phase this relationship out.


If she gets pushy or aggressive, drop it immediately.


You are very right, sometimes reconnecting isn't always what we think it will be. We most likely won't know if we don't give it a try, but we certainly aren't obligated to continue the reconnection if it isn't working for us.


Good luck with this, as I don't suppose she will go away quietly!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,570
Registered: ‎06-13-2012

Re: Sometimes reconnecting isn't a good thing...

Yes I've learned the hard way on several occasions. I reconnected with old friends-some were even my best friends-and I regretted ever doing it. So many either never grew up or their lives are just drama or in turmoil or just completely not something I want to be a part of. I am thankful for my fond memories with them when we were younger but am a little sad how things turned out and wonder how we became people so completely different than who we were. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,278
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Sometimes reconnecting isn't a good thing...

@Nataliesgramma I would just tell her that you didnt know what you were talking about when you said you were free this summer and let her use her education and degrees to figure that one out.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,088
Registered: ‎01-13-2013

Re: Sometimes reconnecting isn't a good thing...

@WhatnowThat's a good one! Woman LOL

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,882
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Sometimes reconnecting isn't a good thing...

I am in a similar situation at this time. Agreed to see her for lunch against my better judgement. Nothing good will come of it. She thinks we were close. We never were. I have never believed a word she has said, with good reason.  

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,518
Registered: ‎03-04-2012

Re: Sometimes reconnecting isn't a good thing...

Sometimes, it's just best to let it go.  She'll get the message. I haven't spoken to my oldest sister for 5-6 years.  Was thinking about her last night, but then I remember why I don't bother with her.  She's one of those that is ALWAYS right, you're the stupid one, and as you are talking to her on the phone, she's having a conversation in the background with her daughter or husband. When you stop talking there's a long pause because she was never listening to a word you said.  So, you had good intentions, leave it at that - they don't always work out.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,177
Registered: ‎08-22-2013

Re: Sometimes reconnecting isn't a good thing...

Ever here the old saying,"you can't go home again", it's so true.LOL  I would not waste my time on a cousin who behaves like that.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,307
Registered: ‎05-12-2012

Re: Sometimes reconnecting isn't a good thing...

[ Edited ]

Sorry--she sounds obnoxious--sounds like the rest of her family and friends have already had enough of her.  Just tell her you've decided you can't make it. If she wants to know why, just tell her how you feel about her behavior, and you'd rather not reconnect . It's just going to get more complicated.  With the living distance being so far apart between the two of you, it's not likely that you're going to bump into each other. Stand up for yourself.  Don't feel badly for her--she obviously doesn't feel badly for the way she treats people.

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