Among Friends

[chrystaltree]

End it, just the way you said in your last sentence.   If she e-mails or contacts again, don't respond.  She is not and never was your friend.  You know nothing about her.  For a short period. you connected because you had something in common.  She was your partner in grief.  But you are healing and moving on with life and she is still stuck in her cycle of grief.  She resents that, deeply and she lashed out because she knows you don't need her anymore.  You need to be around positive people to continue recovering and to deal with your health issues.  That woman can only saddened you and pull you down.  Let it go.

[Frosted Cake]

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@chrystaltree wrote:

End it, just the way you said in your last sentence.   If she e-mails or contacts again, don't respond.  She is not and never was your friend.  You know nothing about her.  For a short period. you connected because you had something in common.  She was your partner in grief.  But you are healing and moving on with life and she is still stuck in her cycle of grief.  She resents that, deeply and she lashed out because she knows you don't need her anymore.  You need to be around positive people to continue recovering and to deal with your health issues.  That woman can only saddened you and pull you down.  Let it go.

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Chrystaltree,

Thank you for your comments.   I appreciate your kind message and insight.

I won't run into her anymore since the grief support group we met at meets during the day, so I cannot attend any while working.  I've learned that grief affects people in many ways.   I need the comraderie with others who "get it" and are sensitive to the emotions we feel.   She used to be that way, but has changed a lot since we first met.

[Mrsq2022]

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@chrystaltree wrote:

End it, just the way you said in your last sentence.   If she e-mails or contacts again, don't respond.  She is not and never was your friend.  You know nothing about her.  For a short period. you connected because you had something in common.  She was your partner in grief.  But you are healing and moving on with life and she is still stuck in her cycle of grief.  She resents that, deeply and she lashed out because she knows you don't need her anymore.  You need to be around positive people to continue recovering and to deal with your health issues.  That woman can only saddened you and pull you down.  Let it go.

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I agree.  I am unable to read any humor into that text sent by the friend.  If I received a text/email like that from someone, I would never speak to them again.  If that is someone's idea of humor or levity, they can pass it onto someone else because to me it read as passive aggressive.  

[SleeplessinSD]

@Frosted Cake, for what it's worth I think you've made the right decision. Her friendship is now causing you more pain than happiness. That's never a good thing. Take care of yourself and stay strong...you're worth it!😉

[Imadickens]

Ok, I realize I'm clueless, but what, exactly, was so bad about the email? It's certainly not anything I would send, and it's not warm and fuzzy, but since you've only had the new job for a few weeks, she may not know you are happy with it! Plus, the bit about sugar daddy, she mentions she never got one. Perhaps this is her ideal and thinks it's everyone's as well! I didn't find it mean as much as clueless! If she is suffering loss as well, her judgement may be off. If I replied, I'd tell her if I found a sugar daddy, I'd send him her way, then add a smiley face!

[Noel7]

@Frosted Cake

This was uncalled for and mean:

"I hope that one day you will find that ideal job you want and that you also find someone who can fix your multitude of physical and mental problems."

You mentioned having medical problems and that you have been diagnosed with an auto-immune illness.  In my experience, most people have no clue about what that does to you and they have no understanding of its effect.

I'd known a woman for years and when I started getting sick from lupus she became rude and made nasty remarks like the one above.  I tried explaining to her, suggested an article or two she could read, but she just got worse.

One day her comments were inexcusable.  I waited a few days to calm down and then sent her an email telling her she had been hurtful and that I had no room in my life to deal with her continuing nastiness about my being sick.  I made it clear I never wanted contact with her again.

I felt incredible relief after that and have never regretted getting her out of my life. 

I wish you the best, especially in dealing with ignorant people like her.

[Frosted Cake]

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@Noel7 wrote:

@Frosted Cake

This was uncalled for and mean:

"I hope that one day you will find that ideal job you want and that you also find someone who can fix your multitude of physical and mental problems."

You mentioned having medical problems and that you have been diagnosed with an auto-immune illness.  In my experience, most people have no clue about what that does to you and they have no understanding of its effect.

I'd known a woman for years and when I started getting sick from lupus she became rude and made nasty remarks like the one above.  I tried explaining to her, suggested an article or two she could read, but she just got worse.

One day her comments were inexcusable.  I waited a few days to calm down and then sent her an email telling her she had been hurtful and that I had no room in my life to deal with her continuing nastiness about my being sick.  I made it clear I never wanted contact with her again.

I felt incredible relief after that and have never regretted getting her out of my life. 

I wish you the best, especially in dealing with ignorant people like her.

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Thanks Noel7!

Yes, you're so right.   Sjorgren's is difficult to understand and contributes to many health issues.   I thought my exhaustion was just stress.   I even have joint pain I never had before.

I think some people have no clue how insensitive and disrespectful they can be.   Things many of us would refrain from doing, others have no remorse.

It hurts, but I have to look at it that I was fair with her and compassionate in her times of need.   I can't be weighed down by her ignorance and lack of empathy.  

[Noel7]

@Frosted Cake

Sjogren's is often secondary to lupus.  I don't have it but I know people who do.  I know serious fatigue and joint swelling with pain are also a part of it.  

Take care of yourself, don't push it when you get tired or when you hurt.  And if you wake up and don't feel good enough to go out or meet a friend for lunch, don't feel guilty, your health comes first 🙂

[KateE]

I have found myself in your shoes more than once over health issues and leaned on a friend just to listen. After we both lost pets at the same time and she got another one I would visit her often as I also enjoyed her new pet. One night feeling down, I called and asked if I could come over and visit with her puppy, she told me I needed to get my own dog, I hung up and never called again.  I am not angry with her, however, I thought what she said was hurtful and could have been kinder, as for me, I think I over stepped her boundaries. I've been in several support groups and while a great community there are times when outside of that environment you need to consider is she your friend or becoming your therapist. My take is maybe leave the grief in the support group and outside be her friend. See where it goes, if nowhere you have your answer. A two-way street is needed, thus, you risk the possibility of yourself.

[BriggsiePeawiggle]

This person sounds toxic to me, and for me, toxic relationships are dead ends. There's something wrong with someone who has to belittle others for no reason. I'm going to be blunt, but if it were me, I'd dump her like a hot potato. I absolutely do not allow toxic people in my life. I put up with too much of it when I had to -- jobs, coworkers, whatever. I seriously won't do it voluntarily anymore.