Among Friends

[isaboo]

i hope this does not show up twice as I wrote earlier but it did not post?

My husband who is 50 years old was very unhappy with his job and retired now December.  He wanted me to retire in April but I wasn't ready.  He is soo angry with me and feels like I am choosing work over him.  I am 57 years old and would make more by retiring but my overall retirement woul be higher if I waited even one more year. 

He says that we should just go our separate ways if I don't want to be with him.  We have been married 24 years.  I don't want to end our marriage .  I don't know how to deal with this or his angery feelings over this. Any input would be appreciatrd.

[alicedee]

If he is giving you that kind of an ultimatum.....no way would I give up my job at this stage.  You need to think in a way that will best protect yourself if he goes off the deep end.  

So so sorry you are dealing with this.  

[Plaid Pants2]

He probably has some young chippie on the side, and that's why he's giving you the ultimatum. It's his "easy way" out.

Be sure to take him to the cleaners when you seperate.

[Yardlie]

That's a tough one, @isaboo. I don't know why your husband decided to retire so young. You mentioned that he was very unhappy on his job. That is not unusual. Many people totally burnout of their jobs around his age.

 I have heard of people retiring from one career about your husband's age and starting their own business. It might be something you could do together. Is that even an option? It sounds to me that maybe you two should sit down with a counsellor and talk out the feelings. You stayed together all those years so that you could enjoy retirement together...not to call it quits. Best of luck!

[colliegirls]

You are both too young to retire.  He needs to get another job to keep him busy.  Talking to a counselor is a good idea.

[BlingQueen022]

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@isaboo wrote:

i hope this does not show up twice as I wrote earlier but it did not post?

My husband who is 50 years old was very unhappy with his job and retired now December.  He wanted me to retire in April but I wasn't ready.  He is soo angry with me and feels like I am choosing work over him.  I am 57 years old and would make more by retiring but my overall retirement woul be higher if I waited even one more year. 

He says that we should just go our separate ways if I don't want to be with him.  We have been married 24 years.  I don't want to end our marriage .  I don't know how to deal with this or his angery feelings over this. Any input would be appreciatrd.

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If he can retire at the age of 50 and have money for the rest of his life without working further, he deserves a medal.  As for his attitude, your husband is a real donkey.  Get rid of him now and enjoy the rest of your life before it's too late. 

[isaboo]

Thank you all for your input. I am open to talking to a counselor but I am afraid to even suggest it.  I know there isn't another women but he seems to think I want someone else which is absurd and he knows better.  I think he feels guilty or bad because I am still working and he isn't and does not really want to right now.

[millieshops]

Sad for both of you.

Has he seen his doctor and discussed his health and his feelings?  I noticed on my recent visit to my GP that he reasked a series of questions about my mental health even though I'd just seen him a few months back and answered those same questions.

There may be physical or other personal reasons for his unhappiness.  I suppose there could also be social reasons, but I'd be searching medically first. 

[house_cat]

He sounds depressed.  In my opinion, that's the first issue that needs to be addressed.  I agree with the others who said counseling is a good idea.

[Maudelynn]

Call his bluff and tell him you're seriously thinking about it.  Watch his reaction.  It doesn't make sense that someone so young would retire and want to further reduce their income by having his partner stay home as well.  How do you pay for medical insurance?  Something isn't clicking here.