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Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,130
Registered: ‎05-08-2010

@mintedrose   As to your question, "How do I end this without being it turned around on me?," the only thing you have control over is whether or not to stay in contact with her.  You already made that decision when you said, "I just dont wanna do this anymore. Its really getting old, being rejected and ghosted. After countless sleepless nights, ive decided there's never gonna be a relationship here ever no matter what i do."  You have no control over whether your decision to end things will be "turned around" on you.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 30,421
Registered: ‎05-17-2010

I have no siblings. My younger brother passed away suddendly at 49. I miss him every day. Family dynamics  are tough sometimes, but it IS family.

 

Friends come and go, but family is always important to me.  

 

I try to keep the peace, when possible, and if not I just back up. I never want to cause someone to feel left out, unloved or passed over. Sometimes there are circumstances that we don't know about. 

 

Keep your heart open. There are many people who wish they had a sister, brother, parents in their family that are no longer at the holiday table.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 24,685
Registered: ‎07-21-2011

@mintedrose    This sounds like me but with a brother.  I got to a point that I was tired of pretending that we were close.  The year my mother died my brother was about a mile away with his wife and they were staying at their married son's house.  I was all alone on Christmas and my brother calls me and I told him I was alone.  No invite from him.  This is suppose to be family.  My friends care more.  Finally after years of confrontations with his wife and him I told him I am tired of pretending.  I don't want you to call me or email me.  Goodbye.  I actually feel better.  Somehow people like that try to turn it around and blame you but now that won't happen.  I hope you tell her you are tired of pretending and tell her not to call -- Goodbye or however you want to word it.  You don't need to be feeling guilty or getting upset because she is not.  This way you cut the ties.  Believe me, you will feel  better because you took control of your life.  Sometimes it does not matter that it is family.  If they have constantly treated you wrong, you don't need that in your life.  You deserve to be happy.

kindness is strength
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,111
Registered: ‎03-20-2010

I am right there with you... I have a Sister ( identical twin, no less), who has deep seated disappointment with her own life and resents me and my life-  She has always been self-centered and has a mean streak. She ghosts me constantly unless she needs something- 
I have come to terms that it will never be a close relationship and I keep my expectations LOW of her. It is what it is- My chosen friends treat me the way I want to be treated. I know it's hard and can be heartbreaking, but you can't change people... Forget her and find more chosen friends! 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,427
Registered: ‎05-15-2016

She's going to turn it around on you whatever you do, so just do what's best for yourself. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,571
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Take the call and let her babble on. Then your off the hook for a few years. I had same relationship with my sister. I would put it on speaker and go about my business. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,611
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Being estranged, you don't really know what's going on in her life or if she's struggling with depression or some other illness.  You don't have to contact her but respond with kindness if she calls you. Getting even is never a positive.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,165
Registered: ‎06-07-2010

Same thing has happened to me.  I walked away.  At this point, I wish her no harm, but do not want to be involved in her life.  I answer no attempts to contact me.  Too upsetting.  Forgive and turn it over to God.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,846
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

I'm sorry that these relationships are so difficult. I'm lucky I have one brother and we are very close. Siblings can be the worst or the best people in your life. My mother's sister was one tough cookie. She accused members of the family of transgressions that never happened. There were several family members that she refused to talk to. My mother, her younger sister, called my aunt once a week. Their chats were all right. They lasted a long time. However, one of those times my mother said to me, "She's my sister but we could never be friends."

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,729
Registered: ‎09-01-2010

@mintedrose 

Regardless of whether you are questioning your connection to a sister, or a friend, I think your answer will always be found in who you want to be.   I feel sure you know who you want to be, but your feelings seem to be dominated by what is the nice way to handle it.     

 

I think of myself as a very strong, focused person, and realize I have always chosen friends like me who are content to go our own way, do our own thing, like no one else's opinion matters. I don't have clingy friends.

2 years ago I let go of a 60 year friendship with a childhood friend who thru the years had always been strong, focused, and on her own path.  That friendship fell apart when she became whiney and always looking for/needing praise for, "all the good she's done in her lifetime".   I wasn't going to be a support for the pedestal she wanted to sit on.   

I do have empathy and total support for my friends, who help themselves, but I have chosen to not be tolerant of the friends who choose to sit on their *** and wallow in their circumstances instead of facing them, and moving on.   I can do nice, but never let anyone dump on me.