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Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,761
Registered: ‎03-15-2014

Re: Should we move out of state?

Please stay in PA: we need you.  Remember our slogan:  "Pennsylvania; Pursue Your Happiness."

Honored Contributor
Posts: 32,905
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Should we move out of state?

One thing is that you too will be old some day.  As you get older, you get too old to move sometimes, so if you really don't like living where you are, try it somewhere else for a few years while you can.  You may love it or hate it, but think about where you two are in your lives and what you want.

 

You may be too old to do anything by waiting for your dad to pass.  Just saying everyone should be considered in these things--certainly you and your husband. 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,131
Registered: ‎05-05-2016

Re: Should we move out of state?

I think you will get positive and negative opinions regarding moving to Phoenix.  Mine....I have lived here for the past 40 years....Hot, Brown and Ugly.  Yes you have airconditioning, but you go outside and its like opening your oven and putting your head inside.  And try getting inside your car after its been sitting outside all day.  I can't even remember the last time it has rained.  Some people may like that, but we need the rain desperarely.  Try growing flowers out here.  Forget it.  Yes its only my opinion. We have been in the 90's since March.  I can't even imagine what it will be like this summer!!!

 

Please before you move here, try visiting in July or August.  And stay for at least a couple of weeks.  Try to enjoy the heat and dust storms.  If you don't mind it, then we do have a huge senior community, and great health care. 

 

FYI....we do have a teachers strike going on right now across the state.  I believe also in Colorado.  But I am not positive regarding that. 

 

Also...I attended the University of Pittsburgh.  I loved it.  I was born in Syracuse, New york.  I so miss the change of seasons.  The fall colors.  The beautiful spring flowers.  The beautiful flowers in the summer.  You don't get any of that in Phoenix.  But I do agree, you don't get several inches of snow every winter either. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,955
Registered: ‎08-13-2010

Re: Should we move out of state?

Grew up in Phila. area moved so many places of husband's job. Now in Az. yes you will learn to adapt. Husband now retired & seems our family especially my FIL would love to move out here. He is 90yrs living back east. Has SIL watching him, he lives in a condo. He always comes in Feb never been here in summer. In fact today was 99 degrees, not hot for us locals. Sun City is for 55yrs & older, they have no schools so taxes are lower, maybe your Dad could get a small condo. Didn't read all the posts we see the little vans taking them to resturants, casinos, drs appts & shopping with living in assist living. They cater to all their needs. I have looked at one with FIL and they cook & wash their clothes too very nice. I will be there when I can't take care of the house anymore but I am much younger just retired not ready yet. If he wants to be alone that is fine too. Or get a house with a guest house in the backyard, bath, bedroom, small kitchen & little living room. Have you googled some houses on line to get an idea?  This is all over Az. just find out the area you will be living. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,572
Registered: ‎07-29-2012

Re: Should we move out of state?

Think long and hard on this decision.  You are only 44, so you have many years ahead of you to make a move to a warmer climate.  Also when we are part of a family it is not just our "happiness" that matters, but our part in that family.  Happiness is not a place,.

 

Pittsburgh was my home for many years also and is quite different in many ways from Phoenix, where we have vacationed frequently.  Neither one  is heaven, neither one is horrible.  But they are very different culturally, weather, topograhy, financially, etc.

 

I wish you well with your decision.

 

Super Contributor
Posts: 374
Registered: ‎07-17-2010

Re: Should we move out of state?

Definitely go there and try it out. Get a spare room for your dad should he want to visit. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,629
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Should we move out of state?

I feel for you.  It's a difficult decision.

 

You'll have to weigh the pros and cons of not being with your dad.    How would you feel if your dad fell, got sick, or worse, and you were far away?   How would your husband feel if he didn't take this opportunity?  How does he feel now about it and how would he feel later?  How does your family feel about taking on responsibilities for your Dad?  Will someone step up to cover what you always do for him?   Can you afford to fly back and forth?  

 

I like the post about asking if your dad wants to move too.  But that would be his decision.

 

For me, I would not leave my dad.  We lost Mom 5 months ago and I adored her too.  They did a lot for me and I'm blessed to have this time to help and hang out with Dad.  I woudln't trade this time with him for anything.  Again, this is my choice.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,846
Registered: ‎06-10-2015

Re: Should we move out of state?

I lived in Phoenix for 3 years.  Its not a bad place to live.  Im from Ohio and moved there.  It took some getting used to.  The summer heat for one and it does get cold in the winter, but does not last long or have lots of snow.  If hubby has a good job and it pays well then I would most definitely move.  Good paying jobs like we are used to do not exist there.  They didnt for me anyway.  As far as your dad you have your brother that can help, you could always take dad with you or go and get him later on if necessary.  AZ is not the end of the earth, I vote go for it!

BE THE PERSON YOUR DOG THINKS YOU ARE! (unknown)
Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,471
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: Should we move out of state?

Boy -- tough situation.  I can well imagine what you are feeling.  You are very torn, I am sure.  If your husband has decided that this job opportunity is definite, then I guess that's your answer.  If its not a done deal and he is not sure himself and is open to discussion, then I'd hesitate.  I know ultimately you have to think about what's best for you.  I can only speak for myself here and this is strictly what I feel I would do.  I know how I am and I could not move away unless I had no choice.  I would have so much guilt and worry so much that I wouldn't have a minute's peace.  My mother was not good for a very long time and all of us stayed close so we could not only be of assistance, but so that we could spend as much time with her as possible.  My mother recently passed away and none of us have any regrets that we might have given up certain things to be there for her.  She would have done the same for us.  There is no easy answer unfortunately.  I wish you all the best no matter what you decide. 

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." - Steve Martin
Honored Contributor
Posts: 32,905
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Should we move out of state?

It is a fact that in this day and age, most families have people all over the country.  But it is also true that some families never move and the individuals would never consider moving.

 

I think if you are in your 40s and want to try somewhere else, do it now or you will be stuck where you are.  That's my perspective.  You just can't always pull up and leave the further in your career you are.  I regret we didn't move farther away for at least a few years at that time. 

 

People can live a VERY long time these days, and a lot of people wind up in nursing and assisted living places too--you can't predict what will happen.  You never know and all any of us can do is deal with it the best we can day by day as it comes.  BUT I don't think it is responsible of ANY of us to make life decidions on just what WE want, and I think older people also have some responsibility to accommodate people they expect to take care of them later too, and to be willing to help them live their life as well, not expecting that the entire family decisions are going to be what they want for maybe 20 to 35 years. . . There are ways to work these things out now if people are willing.