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Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,257
Registered: ‎05-12-2012

i haven't spoken to my sister in four years...four years of no stress!  if she called me, i wouldn't return the call.....i'm too old to put up with her nonsense....people don't change.....jmo...

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Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,675
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@mintedrose    Are you ready to drop your resentment toward her and have a relationship?  Not if she does or doesn't but how YOU feel.

 

Are you ready to let bygones be bygones and start fresh, or are you ready "IF" she does this or that or changes or apologizes or is ready to be the sister you want and expect her to be?

 

If you have conditions, think long and hard about calling back and what you have to have from that call. 

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Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,257
Registered: ‎05-12-2012

@Moondance wrote:

Sad to say but I too have been there. Cut the strings. You won’t beleive how much better you feel. My friends feel like my sisters more than my sister ever did. I don’t regret it and have never looked back. It’s been over 10 years since we last spoke and I am in my mid 60’s. Wish I would of done it a lot sooner. She brought no happiness to my life and has always been A miserable person and poor me and life didn’t exist out of her world. If it didn’t effect her nothing mattered. I could say a lot more but I won’t. I just don’t regret it and would have no interest in talking to her now, if she ever reached out I would not respond. That’s how much better my life is without her. Life is to short and I am enjoying mine. She is my only sibling. But like I said I have many other sisters that truly have been there for me. 


i agree with everything you said....i don't know you.....but we must have the same sister.....i was also in my mid 60's when i cut the strings......and she is my only sibling.....but my life is much more stress-free now....

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Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,283
Registered: ‎09-01-2010

Call your sister.   Find out what she wanted.  Stop feeling the need to share details of your life with her.   You can have a normal adult relationship with your sister without being the proverbial two peas in a pod.   

 

I do not understand adults who don’t get along with their siblings based on childhood issues.  We grow up, get past childhood differences, and learn who our siblings have become as adults.  As a child, I fought and argued with my brothers all the time, but all that petty stuff is in the past.   We watched each other grow into nice people, and now deeply appreciate each other.  

 

I flat out won the lottery with my adult siblings.  My dad’s adult siblings showed their true colors after my grandparents died, and I saw that siblings can be needy, clingy, whiny, dishonest, spiteful, selfish, mean, uncaring, users, and sometimes you just have to keep your distance, which is the route my dad chose.  

 

But sometimes you just have to let things go and work to make a difference.  

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Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,086
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

@Sooner wrote:

@mintedrose    Are you ready to drop your resentment toward her and have a relationship?  Not if she does or doesn't but how YOU feel.

 

Are you ready to let bygones be bygones and start fresh, or are you ready "IF" she does this or that or changes or apologizes or is ready to be the sister you want and expect her to be?

 

If you have conditions, think long and hard about calling back and what you have to have from that call. 


This is how I see it as well.  The stuff you complain about happened years ago.  You can develop a new different relationship, but you have to know which boundaries to set.  You need to make some changes as well as your sister.  You're stuck in the past and that's how you will repond to her unless you obtain some self awareness.  If you decide to bury the hatchett don't leave the handle sticking out.

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Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,019
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Some people use or manufacture a grudge or the silent treatment believing it gives them power over you.

 

Like your life will never be the same without them. The need for control can be so strong that even if you can somehow guess what they're upset about, they'll just move the chess piece and it'll be another day, another new issue. 

 

Speaking from experience 🤐

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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,836
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

I have one sibling, a sister, and we were so close in age we are considered twins, however we lived 3,000 miles from one another for many years.  She had and still has a good life, financially well off, and over the years when talking on the phone she would tell me how she helped this one and that one, people who weren't even family.  When I say helped, I mean financially.  I had some very rough patches in my life which she knew about and not once did she offer help in any way shape or form.  I was always the one who called her and three years ago I stopped calling her.  Has she called me?  NO.  I won't call her because every time I have spoken to her it left me with a bad feeling.

 

If you feel better not talking to your sister I would say don't call her.  If you believe by calling her back you will be the one hurt in the end I would say, do not call her.  Wait and see if she attempts to call back.  If she doesn't, let it go, you don't need to be hurt again.  Sadly, sometimes family can be our worst enemy.  God Bless you mintedrose, you have been through a lot.

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam
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Valued Contributor
Posts: 552
Registered: ‎06-03-2018

I think I would call her back because maybe she has some important to tell you. I'm sure you could find out quickly and then see how the conversation is going. 

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Super Contributor
Posts: 441
Registered: ‎11-16-2011

Re: Should I call her back?

[ Edited ]

mintedrose:  I think you should call her back.  Why?  Because if you don't, you will keep wondering about it and it will just keep on upsetting you.  Basically just find out why she is calling.

 

As some other posters have advised, I think you should keep it brief and definitely do not mention your own problems.  Hopefully it won't be bad news and, after a few minutes of surface chat, you can end the call - and then forget about it.

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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,124
Registered: ‎06-25-2012

OP, trust me, there will come a day when you will have wished you called your sister! She's family. You both are getting older and won't be around forever. Take the high road and make amends. 

"Pure Michigan"