Reply
Highlighted
Valued Contributor
Posts: 553
Registered: ‎03-04-2017

Re: Should I call her back?

[ Edited ]

Thank you everyone for you wonderful advice. Some say call and some say dont and its good either way. Maybe just a quick call and no personal information should be shared. 

 

The ones who asked if I was holding onto stuff from childhood, i dont really think i am. The story i used in the message was an example of the behavior towards a young child.  Its just like walking on eggshells with her, because if she doesnt like something ive said, she will go over and beyond to teach me a 'lesson'. I tell her like it is and no one including her husband can because everyone is afraid of her. Ive just seen her crush a lot of people and ruin many along the way including myself due to her own issues. I have loved her probably more than my other 2 sisters, but i dont anymore and i dont know her. I dont agree of her behavior or judgements.

 

I guess i could keep an arms length so i dont spiral into somewhere i dont wanna go just to please others. I know she has and is going through a lot but so have I. Was she there for me? No. Was I there for her? Yes.  Her problems are not more important than others. And im not gonna be a free-time call anymore where they call you when they have time but when you wanna talk they rush you off the phone when you're in the middle of a conversation. Yah no! 

 

I guess if I feel like if me or my feelings are not being respected then theres not gonna be much of a relationship. Im gonna see where it takes me and if im inclined to call I will. If a part of me is very resistant then i wont. 

~No act of kindness, no matter how small is ever wasted~ Aesop
Highlighted
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,932
Registered: ‎03-19-2010

I always think about what Dr. Phil says about best predictor for future behavior is past behavior.  I know people can change and do a lot of work on themselves blah, blah, blah, but basically we are who we are.  Don't call her back expecting anything from her but what you have seen in the past.   

Highlighted
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,036
Registered: ‎08-07-2013

O/P families are very complicated and I say go with your gut. We all have toxic people in our lives and sometimes its better not to have them in our lives. For my own sanity I have not had any contact with my brother and his wife or children. I have been feeling much better for not having them in our lives. 

Highlighted
Valued Contributor
Posts: 617
Registered: ‎08-03-2011

Re: Should I call her back?

[ Edited ]

                                  Hi,

I am so sorry that you have to go through this.  I can honestly relate to this.  In fact, I had been thinking of seeking the same advice.  I would say to call her back only if you won't feel as though you have been rolled over by a steam press afterwards.  They say that people only become more like they are as they grow older.  You could keep the conversation  about yourself brief and vague.  This will give you an opportunity to see where she is coming from.  It will also help you to make your final decision as to how much you want to distance yourself.  Life is too short to deal with a person who only cares about herself!  I would say make your final decision after this call. Based on the call, cut her off altogether or just talk to her when and if you feel like it.  I don't know if you have any other siblings and I know that family is important.  Nevertheless, your mental health and happiness is what matters most!  Good Luck!

Highlighted
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,832
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Should I call her back?

[ Edited ]

@aubegirl wrote:

I always think about what Dr. Phil says about best predictor for future behavior is past behavior.  I know people can change and do a lot of work on themselves blah, blah, blah, but basically we are who we are.  Don't call her back expecting anything from her but what you have seen in the past.   


True! The OP can call but eventually her sister will most likely revert back to her old behavior at some point. 

Highlighted
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,628
Registered: ‎06-22-2010

@mintedrose  wrote:

My older sister called me after 3 years. I was the one who called her about 2 years ago and she sounded less than enthused to hear from me. She sounded a bit cold, didnt say much or share much of anything so i stopped calling. She texts once in a blue moon so i just reply in a short message. I know that she has been going through a lot but from what i can remember as a child, she always was. So, im kinda tired hearing about the same ol things. I usually can hear from my mom how shes doing and so on so i know shes ok.

 

Ever since i got married she's reduced contact with me and i really think its because im no longer the kleenex she once had. I dont wanna be a punching bag or her free time call anymore. I resent that she always makes everything about her everytime as if all the things happening in her life are more important and concerning whereas others are little pee-ons who dont matter. When i was going through a tough tough time, i was all alone and all she could do was make snide comments and not one kind word to me Ever! I did confront her about it and all she said was that how come i dont remember the good things she's done. The thing is I do remember them and have loved her for them, but she berates people afterwards. So how does one remember a good thing someone had done for you when you rip them apart from their dignity afterwards? You just dont! Quick story, I was 11 and she took me to the hair stylist for a hair cut because she thought my hair was too long. The hair dresser took me back and said she thought i could use a deep condition so i said ok. When i was done with a horrible hair cut, she charged extra $10 for the conditioner. My sister ripped me apart infront of the entire salon and strangers. She told me i was an idiot and how could i have approve a huge $10 charge which now she has to pay for. (Mind you she has no financial problems). I was beyond shocked and humiliated!!! I still remember trying so hard not to cry infront of strangers and holding on to my worth. Mind you, I was 11 and new to the place. Yah that and many other scenarios have left a very sore spot and tons of old pain which i dont wanna visit. So, Ive stepped back because i find it emotionally manipulative.

 

Anyway, Im hesitating to call her back because Im going through a lot myself right now and although i really wish i had someone to talk to, im not sure if i wanna share it with her because im left with strange feelings afterwards. And im not supersticious in any way but everytime i tell her something that im really happy about, it just turns out not good. I know it sounds so silly but its happened way to many times so ive stopped sharing good news w her. Sorry for the long rant but im not really sure i wanna call her right now but if i dont she will hold me responsible for not reaching out to her. 


I have forgiven my sister...but I had to let her go. Too much pain..! 

Don't cry for a man who's left you--the next one may fall for your smile.
-- Mae West