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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,153
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: SEPTEMBER 2015 - Back Fence

Belated Happy Birthday wishes, Epi. Hope you are back in your house by now
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,441
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: SEPTEMBER 2015 - Back Fence

Thank you all for the Birthday Wishes. I turned 70!!!!!  And decided that it beats the alternative,no matter how much I hurt.

I am spending today in the basement.it is finished and cool,as it hot again and could not expect the men to paint in this heat. Yesterday they got no painting done but a whole lot of work. The main floor and stairs/hallway they patched any holes,and hammered and patched any nail heads piping through the seams,then did a ,can't remember the name,pre-painter those areas. Today they have done the ceilings,which are two stories high,pluss three skylights and the hallway done by noon. They have been busy since then.mydear hubby has worked in the yard and a little painting on the porch as our main floor is  entirely covered in plastic. These guys are great,as I had doubts about the owner of the co. 

Hope I can get to cook dinner tonight as my china cabinet is in front of the stove and dinning table is on the deck. 

Tomorrow we get a break. Might like to go to a antique sale/flee market and talk to vendors as I have a good size collection of hens on nests,as some of you might remember them or your mother having them. Just tired of dusting and cleaning all this stuff we have collected over the last 46 years. Will just keep a few,but don't want to just give them away.

well,I hear a vacumrunningso I guessitsquiting time,good,I feel like a mole being underground all day....

Honored Contributor
Posts: 41,637
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: SEPTEMBER 2015 - Back Fence

There are many elements: wind, fire, water
But none quite like the element of surprise
Honored Contributor
Posts: 41,637
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: SEPTEMBER 2015 - Back Fence

[ Edited ]

Hello all and happy weekend.  It's raining here on and off and a bit breezy.  My outdoor chimes are ringing today (lol).  I'm happy for the breeze as I need to keep the family room door open to air out the place.  I mentioned in the Bird's Nest thread that I'm pretty sure a mouse got in the ceiling or wall of my family room and crossed over. 

 

Janey Mack!! What a smell.  I happen to be one of those people who are not grossed out by visual things - smells get next to me.  I went nuts before the crack of dawn yesterday crawling the floor, flipping over recliners and a sofa and crawling into the fireplace, so sure that something passed there.

 

I could have cried when I found nothing.  I am not hiring somebody to come over, go on a hunt and punch holes in the walls or ceilings.  Instead I have been praying that it's complete transition back to dust as it were happens sooner rather than later.

 

I sent something called the Teleflora Victorian Teacup bouquet to Ruth on Thursday.  I spoke with her on Friday and she raved about receing the flowers.  Earlier in the week we spoke for 90 minutes.  Friday she was able to speak for 45 minutes.  She is having a hard time eating and feels very weak.  I keep our conversations normal even though it feels like someone is twisting a knife in my heart.

 

She has not begun treatment yet - see's the cancer specialist for the first time this coming Wednesday.  I say nothing about the stage of her cancer as I feel it's the oncologists responsibility to explain it. 

 

In the meantime, she has worked for the company for a very long time so I am circulating thinking of you cards through various areas of the company.  My goal is to send her cards twice a week from different people.  I feel it in my heart that now is the time to hear from people who think highly of her and appreciate her for all she has done to support them.

 

 

There are many elements: wind, fire, water
But none quite like the element of surprise
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,191
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: SEPTEMBER 2015 - Back Fence

Forgot to say - 70!!!!! - still a kid!!!!!! Not going to tell anyone how long ago it was that I was that age. Geesh!!

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,813
Registered: ‎05-29-2015

Re: SEPTEMBER 2015 - Back Fence

Hi bird...I can't stop thinking of Ruth.  Does she have other siblings who live close to her parents?  Her special needs son...is he living at home with Ruth?  They all must be distraught, and I'm so sorry.  My continued prayers for them all.

 

Our weather has cooled some, especially at night...we have temps that swing 20 degrees from early morn to mid-day...but we're usually hot during the day 'til mid-Oct.

 

Oh do I know that hellish smell...can smell it a mile away...know what it is immediately...GAG GAG GAG!!

 

Hello to all the back fencers...wishing you all a great evening.

~~~ I call dibs on the popcorn concession!! ~~~
Honored Contributor
Posts: 41,637
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: SEPTEMBER 2015 - Back Fence

@MacDUFF

 

Thanks for asking about Ruth.  She is the eldest child of three.  The middle sister lives in Chicago and will be coming for a visit for a couple of days.  She then needs to return to Chicago, to her job.  The youngest sister lives in MI (I think no more than 25 miles), works full time and has a child, so she will help as she is able.  R has two sons - one that is special needs who will be quitting his job as R's request.  He cannot drive so getting him to and from work has been Ruth's responsibility, with some assistance from R's Ma.  It's not like taking a bus to work is an option and he is part time and the nature of the job is crazy shifts.  As we go off of daylight savings time, it will get darker sooner and R doesn't want her Ma driving in the dark as Ma has cataracts. Her other son doesn't work and will be the primary caregiver.  The son that doesn't work does do the yard work, cleans the house and stuff so he's not a total slug or anything.  He does have really bad asthma.  Since he will probably be running her to the appointments, she doesn't want everything to fall on him which is why she told her other son he needs to leave his job.

 

 

When my DH was diagnosed with cancer, it was my first experience, up close with cancer or really any life threatening illness in someone I love.   I wasn't one of those people who didn't want to know the real deal.  I asked pointed questions of physicians like stage and prognosis and got the runaround from every doctor I talked to.  I took FMLA and was with my husband from mid Nov until the day he died after New Year.  I ran like a ninny and did everything I knew how to get him what he wanted, what he needed.  I believe my husband was the only one who knew it was worse than what doctor's said. 

 

My eldest sister told me later that when she saw him briefly around Christmas that he looked like someone who had been through rounds of chemo instead of as someone who was just starting chemo.

 

I carry a guilt about that time in my beloved's life that no amount of talking from anyone, including a therapist will ever get rid of it.  So please, don't write, it was not my fault (wink).

 

I've apologized to my DH for my ignorance about illnesses like that and I apologize for learning through his experience.

 

Since his death, I listen like I've never listened before.  I listen to what patient's say, how they say it, what they don't say. 

 

When R and I speak, I hear the exhaustion in her (and she hasn't even started treatment yet).  She'll mention what she eats in a day and I know that cannot sustain anyone for any period of time.  She can't keep much down now, how is she going to keep anything down if they introduce chemo?

 

So, when we talk, I let her lead the conversation.  If she wants to talk about how she feels, we talk about it.  If she wants to talk about something else, we talk about it.  When I am on the phone, I do not choke up, I do not cry.  We talk like we did before the diagnosis.  She has not seen the specialist yet and is not one to google anything, so when she talks about feeling better after starting treatment I say, mental attitude is half the battle.

 

There are many elements: wind, fire, water
But none quite like the element of surprise
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,813
Registered: ‎05-29-2015

Re: SEPTEMBER 2015 - Back Fence

Oh Bernie...All I can say is what a comfort it must be to Ruth to have a friend like you, and what a comfort it must have been for your DH to have had you for a wife and a friend.

 

G-d help us all.

 

MacDuff

~~~ I call dibs on the popcorn concession!! ~~~
Honored Contributor
Posts: 41,637
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: SEPTEMBER 2015 - Back Fence

@MacDUFF

 

Her immediate team and her former immediate team (we were just reorganized) are bending over backwards to ensure she know she is loved.  On Monday, we are taking a group photo and placing it in a We Miss You frame.  I take lousy pics, so when she sees me in the photo, she will know I love her because I have avoided team pics for 8 years (lol).  One of the team ordered a new backrest for her bed since she is having problems laying flat without choking already.  The rest of the team is putting together a comfort and joy basket with lotions, a throw, new slippers, gingerale, little snacks we know she can eat, things like that.

 

It's not just me - there are many people who care and I am so grateful they are showing it now, at this time.

 

I conferenced in one of my co-workers on my last call with R on Friday.  I signed the card for the flowers from three of us and R wanted to say thank you.  I could only get one of the other two at that time and when my co-worker got on the phone with R, I muted myself and logged into Microsoft Communicator.  It's a corporate version of instant messenger.  I Im'd the girl on the phone with R and said - if I hear you choke up or even sound like you are going to cry, I will walk over there and pull out one of your braids :-)

 

When the call was over, my co-worker said, thank you for the IM.  I was on the verge of a big ugly cry and you helped me.  She was crying so hard and looked at me and said, I feel it in my heart, R is 'going home'.  And I said, that is very likely and in the meantime, we lift her up, not the other way around:-) 

There are many elements: wind, fire, water
But none quite like the element of surprise
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,813
Registered: ‎05-29-2015

Re: SEPTEMBER 2015 - Back Fence

It's wonderful to know (in this crazy world) just how many truly kind, loving, and generous people there are...I know there will be plenty of time for crying later, but I wouldn't be able to contain myself and I do not cry easily.

 

Can't remember...do y'all know what stage Ruth is in or will that determination come soon?

~~~ I call dibs on the popcorn concession!! ~~~