Among Friends

[Glittergal]

I have noticed the lack of empathy from some responders as well.  Some are just tone deaf to the intent of the post.  I'm not sure why people do that.  It makes me question their character.

[Sooner]

If I am down in the dumps, I have to seek out something funny to watch, get out of the house, or do some work.  I doubt I'd come here to chat about it:  Certainly not if I only wanted sympathy cause that won't happen.  

If I am really down, I throw things away.  That's my best therapy for the blues or anger or frustration.  Get some space on a shelf or in a drawer and I feel better. 

[Foxxee]

@chiclet 

Interesting post, I thought about this myself. 

Sometimes, it does come across as throwing their good fortune in the faces of those less fortunate. 

It does apply to those who are spending holidays alone, can't go on vacations or afford to go out to eat, and so on. 

Everyone is free to post their good fortune, so I don't know the answer for those less fortunate who still want to come here.  Telling them to develop more empathy wouldn't go over well. This is the society we live in.  

[paixmcdao]

@chiclet 

I recently read something about braggers which I have often found to be true, and I take much of what I read here with a sizeable grain of salt..

 
"People brag because they're insecure. They want to be accepted, and they're not confident. So, it's like their mouth is telling their brain they really are good enough. Braggers work hard — weaving elaborate stories — to get the admiration they crave."

[Sooner]

---

@Foxxee wrote:

@chiclet 

Interesting post, I thought about this myself. 

Sometimes, it does come across as throwing their good fortune in the faces of those less fortunate. 

It does apply to those who are spending holidays alone, can't go on vacations or afford to go out to eat, and so on. 

Everyone is free to post their good fortune, so I don't know the answer for those less fortunate who still want to come here.  Telling them to develop more empathy wouldn't go over well. This is the society we live in.  

---

@Foxxee You know, there are always people who have more than we have and less than we have.  You just have to try to put it in perspective I guess.  I don't know an answer. 

[AngelPuppy1]

I understand what you are saying.  I think in some cases, not all, that some people haven't experienced similar problems or issues and they just can't relate at all.  I have learned over many years that there are people in my life who just have no empathy at all.  It doesn't seem to be in their DNA.  No matter what I was going through, and some of these things were very serious, I got absolutely nothing from them at all.  And in fact, they seemed to get almost angry that by my expressing my sadness or unhappiness, that it might cause a small ripple in their otherwise perfect, happy little world!  The only times they wanted to be around me was when I was sitting there smiling and listening to them go on and on about how great their lives were and how much money they had and about their new luxury car, etc., etc., etc.  The minute I would try to say something mundane which they perhaps preceived as unhappy or not so jofyful, it was -- well, it's time to leave -- bye - see you later!  

I think even if you can't understand or have experienced what another person is going through, if you just take the time to listen and act like you care and don't turn the conversation around to what is going along so wonderfully in your own life, that is all that it takes to help someone out and make them feel better.   

[Johnnyeager]

Unfortunately for some, once you decide to author a thread you have absolutely no control over who may post and what they choose to say.  Not in an extremely open public forum.  You need to brace yourself from the beginning. 

And over the years I've seen threads where the author states "only so and so may respond" or "only positive responses please."

Those turn disastrous quite quickly.   Posters don't want to be told by fellow posters where they can post and what they can say.

[Othereeeen]

@Sooner 

To the OP....I think people may be afraid to confirm they are having similar problems or feelings when they are confronted with someone else's problems....it's like they want to confirn that they are not in the same boat ( or want to appeat that way) because they are afraid...so they verbalize thier success. 

Not to be hurtful or obtuse, just to passively assert "I'm lucky I don't share that problem...my life is good ( prosperous, worry free, whatever)...

When I feel that out of control emotion come over me, I try to dredge up the gumption to do something physically challenging til I can exhaust myself....

In winter that may be manually snow shovelling, now in summer on my place,  hand washing my car, or weed whacking around the many trees and builidings and such...I HATE to do it, but it wears me out, and oddly enough, I feel I take out my feelings of rage or helplessness with physical work....the snow, the dirt or the offending weeds become the target of my unease....

I notice too that when I start that work, I have to be precise about it...every snow drift, every weed, all the spots on the car. Must.Get.Done.

It works for me. Guess it releases endorphins. 

Throwing stuff out and cleaning up clutter works for me too...it's a feeling of getting control again I think.

[Othereeeen]

@AngelPuppy1 

Wow.....

I have an old acquaintance who is exactly like what you describe....

When he calls, he doesn't take a breath telling me about him, his day, his projects, his purchases, his his his his his his his his his.

NEVER asks about what's going on with me, or really, anyone else.

He has three daughers who he claims he loves so much, but he can't tell me what any of thier spouses do.  Or even what his daughters ( adult, all married, all work) do.

His one daugher is a teacher, and back at the height of the outbreak, when I asked how Covid affected her and her job...."I don't know, I don't ask, I don't know."

Other daughter is a flight attendant....when I asked how her airline was dealing with unruly passengers..."I don't know, I don't ask that stuff....."

He WILL tell me when they come over and take him to lunch. Or if they bought him some groceries.

He lives alone and is getting worse with age. SO self centered and it's SO obvious.

I don't take many of his calls any longer. Too draining.

It's almost as if when I try telling him about my day, he sets the phone down until he hears that my voice has stopped...then he picks it back up and it's back to me me me me me....

I think how lonely he will be later on in life.

 In a moment of weekness, he told me previous girlfriend left him because he ONLY talks about himself, and a close male friend told him the same thing at a local bar they go to once a week....

Really ODD.

[ECBG]

@Othereeeen 

I know exactly what you're going through.  I had a friend that I could barely get a word in during a phone conversation.  I'd hang up and think "I wanted to share or ask something".  The friendship eventually deteriorated.