Among Friends

[PinkyPetunia]

Some people are not at ease when someone passes away and don't know what to say.   

My DH passed at the start of Covid due to cardiac issues.  Quite a few people asked me if he died of Covid.  I often said yes because I didn't want to get into the whole explanation.   Or sometimes I said I couldn't speak about it as it was too upsetting for me.

[catwhisperer]

Thank you for your insight and opinions.

[FranandZoe]

Just be happy they are there for you and saying anything at all.  When my husband passed away I was astounded by some of the people who weren't there for me.  Not even a card.

[JYWilliams]

@shoptilyoudropagain, I liked what you said, We're all different and what one person perceives as insensitive another person might really appreciate it.

[Regal Bee]

I have had to face this situation twice just recently.

I tell them how sorry I am and if I know them well....I hug them. I never say "I know how you feel." 

I also ask if there is anything I can do for them. 

[UpNorthGorgy]

I can think of many things NOT to say like," He/She is in a better place". "He/She isn't suffering any more." Other remarks have been mentioned.

I stick with a simple"I am so sorry for your loss!" Alot depends on how close you are to the people  and what is involved, long term illness,  old age, sudden death, young person, etc.

@Shanus How kind of you to be such a good and thoughtful friend. I think that must be so difficult to have everyone leave and go on with their lives and here one sits alone?

People go through the grieving process, up and down.  Grief differs. I stuffed my feelings and grieved later on. I remember a neighbor brought my Dad a meatloaf after my Mother passed and it was so delicious. Meatloaf always makes me think  of that gesture.

[pigletsmom]

I just assume people have the best of intentions with what they say. There really is no right or wrong here in my opinion.

[Sooner]

When people are trying to be kind and emphatic, just try to hear what they mean, not what they say.  Many of us are no good at these things.  

[catwhisperer]

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@UpNorthGorgy wrote:

I can think of many things NOT to say like," He/She is in a better place". "He/She isn't suffering any more." Other remarks have been mentioned.

I stick with a simple"I am so sorry for your loss!" Alot depends on how close you are to the people  and what is involved, long term illness,  old age, sudden death, young person, etc.

@Shanus How kind of you to be such a good and thoughtful friend. I think that must be so difficult to have everyone leave and go on with their lives and here one sits alone?

People go through the grieving process, up and down.  Grief differs. I stuffed my feelings and grieved later on. I remember a neighbor brought my Dad a meatloaf after my Mother passed and it was so delicious. Meatloaf always makes me think  of that gesture.

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Very well said! You are so right!

[RedTop]

My husband passed 3 months ago; I have simply appreciated my family and friends taking the time to reach out to me, period.  Everyone I know is dealing with their own struggles.