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Occasional Contributor
Posts: 14
Registered: ‎11-23-2010

Please help with this dilemma: As the mother of the bride, I'm trying to be "creative" with our Nov. rehearsal dinner.  The groom's mother isn't hosting it (they just don't do that within their very large family, probably partly due to size issues.)  We TOTALLY understand, and the bride/groom are paying for the rehearsal dinner.  Howerver, our extended family has ALWAYS invited out-of-town family & friends to the dinner (if they came a night early.)  That's an extra 15ish people from our side, and we'd be happy to pay for them. The groom's would be an extra 45ish people, which makes an "extra 60 people" and then it becomes a space plus a cost issue. 

Perhaps I'm wondering "What will people think?" if they're not invited?  Or thinking that it's bad manners?   (It really shouldn't matter, I know.  Plus we're having the real wing-ding at the Saturday night reception.)

I'm just sad/frustrated that our familiy and friends won't be offered that courtesy, as we've been offered so many times in the past.  

Thank you friends! 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,812
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Rehearsal Dinner Etiquette

We're out of town family and wouldn't of expected to be invited to the rehearsal dinnner.  Plus we didn't think anything of it or question it. 

Go VOLS
Rocky Top you'll always be home sweet home to me.. Good ole Rocky Top, Rocky Top Tennessee... Rocky Top Tennessee
Honored Contributor
Posts: 41,255
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Rehearsal Dinner Etiquette

we have a similar "dilemma" for our rehearsal dinner spring 2020. the father of the groom is paying for it and it is on the night before the wedding. i was really hoping it would be done several days before the wedding. there will be a lot to do that entire week. he is planning on a cocktail party (they are renting a very large home to stay in and to have the party in) with hot and cold hors d'oeuvres and cocktails. i do tend to like this idea better than a sit down dinner because i will be able to leave a little more quickly and can then spend some time with our out of town guests that will probably not be invited.

 

we have not really talked about what we are going to do with the "extra" people who will be there a day or so before the wedding. we are already over our guest limit for the wedding.

 

hope your rehearsal dinner and wedding are very happy events! Smiley Happy

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"The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing." - Albert Einstein
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,558
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Rehearsal Dinner Etiquette

my daughter got married in a log cabin pavillion, at a large park. we had the rehersal dinner, at the pavillion, so we could decorate. the grooms family had the dinner catered picnic style. there were extra people but it all worked out.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,187
Registered: ‎07-26-2014

Re: Rehearsal Dinner Etiquette

I could be wrong but I always thought that a "rehersal dinner" was just for the wedding party as a "thank you?"

 

I've been to a few & there were never any "extra" folks outside of the wedding party except for their significant others as well as the parents of the bride & groom & the"wedding planner."

"Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."


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Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,950
Registered: ‎07-18-2010

Re: Rehearsal Dinner Etiquette

We are for “in the immediate family and wedding party" for the rehearsal dinner.  If I am not part of that group but I am attending the wedding I don’t feel I should be invited.

 

if I want to look up other friends or family members who I know will be there from out of town then I may contact them, to have dinner with them.

 

I’m stunned at what the cost of this could be

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,329
Registered: ‎02-07-2011

Re: Rehearsal Dinner Etiquette

We went to an out of state wedding for the son of a good friend of my husband's.  We were very surprised (and happy) to be invited to the rehearsal dinner.  However, if we hadn't been, we certainly would not have been insulted or upset.  I always thought the rehearsal dinner was only for the bridal party and immediate family.

 

 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,946
Registered: ‎03-08-2018

Re: Rehearsal Dinner Etiquette

[ Edited ]

Weddings today are sooo expensive these days.

 

IMO if you have 60+ people at a rehearsal dinner you are getting close to paying for another wedding reception.

 

Since you are paying for everything, keep the rehearsal as small as you possibly can.  Don't feel bad about not inviting the out of towners.  Try to keep it to those actively involved in the wedding.  

 

If you want to have something to include those coming in from out of town - host a Cocktail hour or something inexpensive at the hotel as others have suggested.

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,283
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Rehearsal Dinner Etiquette

Not anymore @Mz iMac.  

 

According to the etiquitte stuff I've read, it's a whole big to-do.  Immediate family, all the out of town guests, the bridal party and spouses, the officiant and spouse, parents if there are little kids in the bridal party.

 

My daughter is getting married in November and the only people being invited are the bridal party and parents.    

They have decided not to invite her grandparents do to the fact that they no longer drive.  That means they have to invite my b-i-l and s-i-l also because they would be the drivers.  It starts to spiral out of control.  

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,232
Registered: ‎12-14-2018

Re: Rehearsal Dinner Etiquette

@Annie107  OMG this sounds so similar to what we’re going through for my first grandchild’s wedding (so excited and happy for her and her Prince Charming) coming up In October. 

Like you, his family is very large (has 2 sets of family remarriages) ours has dwindled. Everyone is working very well together. My daughter wants to invite everybody to the rehearsal dinner and asked for my input - I said no that it should be wedding party which is 24 attendees and a lot of small children and immediate family. Well, that’s not the answer she expected. We are compromising like this; who all invited US to their rehearsal dinners and learn to say no.  The wedding is the next day with sit down dinner, open bar, DJ and dance floor, pizza and her dads homemade cookies at midnight.

It will be wonderful and so will yours.

Congratulations to you all.