Recluse behavior anyone? - Page 6

CANDLEQUEEN · ‎03-09-2010

I find getting older I am not happy in huge crowds of people. I have always been a big people person, and I still am, love meeting new people and socializing, but not as much as I used to in the past and much prefer smaller groups.

We do a lot of socializing with our church, as we have 13 churches in different cities, that we visit from time to time, and we have two huge conferences during the year where we are all together, and it can be overwhelming for me and I am happy to get home-but do enjoy it while I am there.

My family has gatherings throughout the year and they are always fun and I have friends that I get together with occasionally as well and always fun.

I do enjoy my time at home though. I still work fulltime, so my time at home is precious!!!

I do plan to retire at the end of this year and I know I will love my quiet time!!!

My husband is very social and enjoys going and doing, so we do still do that-but sometimes I say No if I really don't feel like it.

Jaspersmom · ‎06-08-2011

I recently read an article about people who grew up in chaotic situations and became hypersensitive to their surroundings. These are people who are excellent at "reading the room" because from the time they were young, they had to be quick to learn what and who could be dangerous. Anyway, many of these individuals find solitude in being alone because it's where they can relax and not have to worry about what other people may say or do. I'm one of those people. My job put me in the company of dozens and dozens of people each and every day and I was good at managing all situations. However, I was always exhausted at the end of the day and by the weekend, I wanted to crawl in a hole. I had an active social life, but again, most situations sucked the energy out of me. Now I'm much older and I find that I welcome being alone and if I don't want to do something, I don't. It's not as much of survival mechanism anymore, but my own choice to feel calm and be at peace.

Pink123 · ‎07-10-2019

@Icegoddess wrote:
I've never been comfortable in large crowd settings where you have to mingle. I also much prefer being at home. Cabin fever for me means I need to get out and work in the yard.

I do enjoy small group activities though and that gets me out more. My new Church helps with that. Weekly, I have Choir practice, handbell practice, and I'm even playing my daughter's old flute with some ladies. Monthly, there's a Ladies Night Out activity, usually dinner, but I hear our next one will be a painting night.

I also usually get out and skate once a week, but I don't socialize there anymore. The ones I used to socialize with either no longer skate or they skate on a different session.

My husband, on the other hand, must get out and go somewhere every day.

I agree @Icegoddess and thank you for the post. I was in the same situation with my last partner. I'm widowed for a long time and he was more like me and preferred solitude after a hard days and long hours at the office. I was happy it being just us. That was all. And so was he BTW, but got sick at 52.

The last 6 years i endured another relationship, and he was the same and had large family. I don't. He always wanted or needed something to do and could not sit still for too long. My nerves suffered and knew I had to move out. It took a toll on my health no matter how good he was to me. Cortisol levels off the charts. They are now down, thank goodness.

My peace was more important after the years passed. Hey, maybe there will be another one more like me. I just want a companion and don't need to be tied at the hip at all times with anyone. OMG.

drizzellla · ‎03-14-2010

@Tinkrbl44 wrote:
@drizzellla wrote:
When I was younger I would "up and go". Went on trips all over the United States, Mexico and England. Never thought twice. If the mood hit, I would go.

Now is a completely different story. Flying is an absolute pain. It never fails, every flight in the last 10 or so years - I have had to be pulled aside for enhanced checks. My hands have been swabbed, I have had full body Xrays, had to remove my clothing down to my camisole (out in the open where you removed your shoes) and taken to a room of 6 people going through my carry on luggage.

We now have to factor in extra time to check in, before a flight because it is a given I will be checked. One time a Supervisor was called before they would release me. I swear the Supervisor took over half an hour before showing up. We thought we would miss our flight.

My husband was talking about taking a cruise. I dread the thought of what I will encounter.

I would rather stay home and no one bothering me, except immediate family and 2 best friends.

@drizzellla

I know that many people say they want to travel after they retire, but I'm glad I wasn't one of them.

IMO, I was VERY fortunate to do all my international travelling before 9/11.

I have one more bucket list trip I plan to take .... a cruise from California to Alaska during the summer months. It is a beautiful trip ... and I don't need a passport!

@Tinkrbl44 When you book your cruise - (Please make sure you go) - pay attention to the route you take.

We took a cruise to Alaska. And we entered Canada. We boarded the boat in Vancouver BC. So we had to prove US citizenship. If you are sailing up the coast of the United States, I am not sure if the ship would stop in Canada.

We were told to get a passport. They said it was the best way to prove citizenship.

Hope you go - well worth it.

PS - We went the last week of May into June for 8 days. The weather was absolutely beautiful. Did not rain one day. Which was so nice because you got to do all the tours and sightseeing in nice sunny weather. And all you needed was a lightweight jacket.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@sarahpanda @drizzellla

I haven't read every post, but some of this is about "momentum".

Back in the day, I had to be somewhere, usually around 9 am or so. There was an URGENCY, and that often catapulted me to get ready with an eye on the clock, and get out the door to get going with my day.

Can anyone relate?

Now, I'm retired, and I only have to be somewhere when I have an actual appointment.

If I want to go to Target, I don't have to be there by a certain time. Heck, I can just go to Target tomorrow if I don't get around to getting out the door today. No biggie.

One more thing ... getting ready to go out just seems like a lot more trouble than it did years ago. I have no idea why.

drizzellla · ‎03-14-2010

@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

@sarahpanda @drizzellla

I haven't read every post, but some of this is about "momentum".

Back in the day, I had to be somewhere, usually around 9 am or so. There was an URGENCY, and that often catapulted me to get ready with an eye on the clock, and get out the door to get going with my day.

Can anyone relate?

Now, I'm retired, and I only have to be somewhere when I have an actual appointment.

If I want to go to Target, I don't have to be there by a certain time. Heck, I can just go to Target tomorrow if I don't get around to getting out the door today. No biggie.

One more thing ... getting ready to go out just seems like a lot more trouble than it did years ago. I have no idea why.

Excellent point.

Yes when I was working, I would get up at 5 AM. I made my lunch (only had a 1/2 hour for lunch), made my son's lunch, fed the dog, sometimes walked the dog, showered and had to be out the door at 7 AM.

Now, unless there is something I have to do, I can crawl out of bed at will.

charsha · ‎03-28-2010

@wagirl Same here. Since Covid I enjoy my quiet time home with DH. I do not enjoy parties with people I do not know, guess I am anti-social in some respects. I do go out each week to 2 grocery stores to take advantage of their sales flyer. I take Zoom Tai Chi a couple times a week, and prefer the zoom to in-person, no travel. Some of my family has moved away, so those gatherings are not regular. I prefer small intimate gatherings to catch up with long time friends.

Growing · ‎07-12-2020

I am really glad to have stumbled upon this post. I am only 67 but have had health issues for about 10 years and had to stop working way too early. I have been battling injuries for two years and now back into PT for another body part.

And we know 8 folks that died in a span of a year ending last Fall, including one my dearest most loved friend who was almost 100! My grief for this woman just slays me at times. I feel fine, happy, and then the grief hits. Which I understand is normal.

I am very sensitive, an introvert, and can read people's emotions and surely can read the room. I do like being alone, or at home, and doing actitivities plus I am in pain and tired by 6 pm. I worry that if my husband dies first, I will have no one to talk to or help me as I age. My former social life fell apart with these people dying so I am starting over.

I have a lot of resilience skills but I am tired of using them or thinking there is something wrong with how I am. Thank you for showing me how you all feel as I can relate to everyone's posts.

Detachment isn't the absence of love but the ability to take care of yourself in the midst of someone else's choices.

San Antonio Gal · ‎05-18-2017

@rockygems123 wrote:
@sarahpanda

No I wouldn't be happy without extending myself for new experiences.

Going to a party with about 35 people tonight I'll know about 5 of them and I'm sure I'll learn about a lot of other people.

Hi @rockygems123 - Just wondering how the party turned out for you? Did you have a great time?