Receiving money at a funeral & thanking - Page 3

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

@LizzieInSRQ .....it's very true....I have never liked these 'gifts' but in our area, the funeral home viewing time is filled with flowers, and other funeral type gifts....blankets with the deceased photo, garden stepping stones with Bible verses/quotes and lanterns.

After my brother in law died, we walked into their home and there his face was big as life on a blanket, needless to say I was taken aback....now if someone likes these gifts and they find comfort in them, it's not my concern, but for me I don't like them....and if you really don't like one of the gifts, it would be very hard to just get rid of....

I thought these gifts were given all over the country, guess not, as some posters have never heard of this tradition....interesting.

AuntG · ‎03-09-2010

Normally you write a thank you stating where you donated the money. Unfortunately, you can't say "my greedy SIL took half".

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

@CrazyDaisy wrote:
Such drama....your brother is intitled to half the cash to do with as he wishes. This includes half of what you have collected. People sent that gift for both of you, not what you decide to do with the cash. Write your thank you notes, make your donation if you wish and move on.

@CrazyDaisy I agree. Plus everyone is assuming the worst of the sister in law. There is always two sides of a story. Perhaps she & her husband (the brother) will donate to a charity of their chocie or not....half was given to the brother.

Mj12 · ‎03-09-2010

It sounds to me like your SIL is going to do things that tick you off from now until the estate is finally settled (and you presumably won't have to deal with her anymore).

Is there any way you can just tell yourself that yes, she's going to do things that may upset me but brush them off and not dwell on it instead? Even typing out this OP I'm sure it got you even more mad at her (how could it not?). If you get so spun up about each thing she does, it will only significantly delay your grieving. And grieving is so difficult in itself.

O/T I've not heard of cash in a sympathy card.

50Mickey · ‎05-21-2010

@haddon9 wrote:
@CrazyDaisy wrote:
Such drama....your brother is intitled to half the cash to do with as he wishes. This includes half of what you have collected. People sent that gift for both of you, not what you decide to do with the cash. Write your thank you notes, make your donation if you wish and move on.
@CrazyDaisy I agree. Plus everyone is assuming the worst of the sister in law. There is always two sides of a story. Perhaps she & her husband (the brother) will donate to a charity of their chocie or not....half was given to the brother.

@haddon9 I agree haddon 9 about the SIL. Everyone assumes that she kept the money for herself. Who knows maybe she wanted to donate it to a charity of her choice like the OP did. Like you said we are only hearing one side of the story and the OP has a definite dislike of the SIL. For the life of me I don't understand airing these family disagreements in a public forum but that's just me.

LizzieInSRQ · ‎12-27-2010

@Mom2Dogs that is amazingly fascinating re the blankets and lanterns etc. I'm going to have to look up the origin.

I've lived in Florida my whole life I've never experienced the gifts and money given.

LizzieInSRQ · ‎12-27-2010

@Deb665 wrote:
Growing up there was a family I was very close to who went to my church. This family had two sons close to my age and two sons who were several years younger. Out of the blue the oldest son died in his sleep. He was living out of state and it was quite an ordeal to get his body home. Three weeks later the second son, who I had always been especially close to, died from lung cancer which had spread to his brain.

After the funeral I was helping the mother and youngest son with some paperwork. I told them I knew it was customary for the parents and/or siblings to purchase the headstone, but asked if they would allow me to share in the cost for the second son's headstone since he and I had always had a special relationship. They immediately accepted and I felt honored.

This is my only experience with making financial donations for a funeral. In my case it was money that I asked if I would be allowed to donate and it was for a specific cause.

Wow...You are an angel here on earth. That was incredibly kind of You!

Deb665 · ‎01-07-2012

@LizzieInSRQ Not sure I would agree with the angel description, but I love that family as if they are my own! And the trouble I got into with the two oldest...LOL! It was the time of my life!

Snoopp · ‎02-02-2015

Maybe you can talk to your brother and together, take all monies and donate to a charity you both agree on.

Wiscfan3 · ‎05-28-2015

I agree that the brother should be able to do what he wants with half of the money. He might donate it to something he feels his dad would have supported, or he might have other ideas.

My husband and I live far from our families. When each of our parents died some of our close local friends sent $$ in cards directly to us. Most did not travel to the services. Rather than passing it on to our families (who did not know our friends) and letting them decide what to do with it, we kept it and used it to buy flowers for their graves at a later date when we could get back to the area. No family questioned us or expected us to send them the money given so generously to us by our fiends.

Sending $$ in sympathy cards is very common here and has been for as long as I can remember.