Re: Receiving money at a funeral & thanking

manny2 · ‎05-24-2010

@VaBelle35 wrote:
When my grandfatehr died (first funeral I ever went to), my grandmother received tons of money. My grandparents were very well off. My grandmother said it was guilt money because my grandfather had lent all of his and her brothers and sisters (19 in total) money over the years that was never paid back.

My grandmother kept a list ;o)

re blankets

Jill was selling throws on YHJ one time and mentioned tha twhen her father passed, she received a warm cozy blanket from someone and talked about how it was like a hug. I thought that was really interesting and I tucked that away for future reference.

I don't know if Jill really got a blanket or not, but what I do know is she used it as a sales tactic, and it worked if you tucked it away for future reference.

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

@NYC Susan,

Once again, this is just another difference in how people from different areas of this great country, think and act.

We see nothing wrong with the way we do it at all, and feel it’s because we are focused on a personal touch and not protocol. Our goal is to support the family, period. We also know when the family really needs the money, but lists a worthy cause because it seems like the right thing to do. No one cares what the family does with the monetary gifts.

We were there when there was a need, we did what we could to be helpful and supportive, and that’s all that matters.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@RedTop wrote:
@NYC Susan,
Once again, this is just another difference in how people from different areas of this great country, think and act.

We see nothing wrong with the way we do it at all, and feel it’s because we are focused on a personal touch and not protocol. Our goal is to support the family, period. We also know when the family really needs the money, but lists a worthy cause because it seems like the right thing to do. No one cares what the family does with the monetary gifts.

We were there when there was a need, we did what we could to be helpful and supportive, and that’s all that matters.

Don't twist what I said. I have no problem with people giving money to grieving families. I've heard of it before, and I think it's lovely when people want to reach out and support each other, whether it's monetary support, emotional support, meals or baked goods, helping with the kids, grocery shopping, or anything else. (We're pretty big on supporting each other in my part of the country too, btw, and I imagine that's the case everywhere even if it's not cash in an envelope.)

My issue is with what you said about the reason people don't donate directly, but rather give money intended for a charity to the family: The giver wants the family to donate the money so the giver's name doesn't end up on a mailing list. That's what you said, and I'm sorry, but I think that's tacky. I guess it's okay if the family ends up on a mailing list! As long as the giver doesn't!

They should either give money to the family, or donate to a charity, or do whatever the family specifies. Don't deliberately give the family something additional to do for such a silly and selfish reason. It doesn't seem that the goal there is to "support the family, period".

I completely agree that being helpful and supportive is what matters most. I never said otherwise, and I certainly never criticized your custom of giving money.

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

@NYC Susan,

My only point is that we live in different areas, and do things differently.

blackhole99 · ‎08-22-2013

Too bad your SIL doesn't read these threads, you wouldn't have to say a word.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@blackhole99 wrote:
Too bad your SIL doesn't read these threads, you wouldn't have to say a word.

@blackhole99 Somehow I feel like the SIL is well aware. I think everyone is well aware. Seems like this ongoing.

jannabelle1 · ‎09-12-2010

Cash enclosed in a sympathy card was something that was done frequently when I grew up and later. I received money when my mother died and sent it to her church to be used toward the restoration of the stained glass windows. That said, I remember my mother and grandmother telling me that money was given to families during the depression or other difficult times to help them pay for funeral expenses.

What your SIL did was totally inappropriate and out of line. What in the heck was she thinking?!

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@RedTop wrote:
@NYC Susan,
My only point is that we live in different areas, and do things differently.

Yes, I understand that, but it's not the issue I addressed. My comment was about something specific that you said. I've already clearly expressed my opinion, and it's useless to go round and round. I suspect you're missing my point on purpose, but that's fine. Let's move on.