Really a Friend? - Page 3

Venezia · ‎03-09-2010

Boy, does this thread ever hit a nerve. Just last month I met up for lunch with a friend I've known for longer than I care to remember (since grade school).

We always keep in touch and meet up usually every other week or so for a long lunch. I've helped her through some difficulties in the past few years. We always met up for birthdays, exchanged Christmas gifts; all the usual stuff friends do.

We'd only just sat down to lunch and were discussing the presidential debate of the night before. Next thing I know, she's on a rant about something completely different (I won't say what) but was saying things that just weren't true about a whole section of society and I tried to give the other side.

That was it: she grabbed her things, said "I need to leave!", walked halfway across the restaurant and shouted "And don't call me!!!" That was that; haven't heard a word since. And quite frankly, I don't want to. (Even the waitress, who knows us, was more concerned for how I was than my former "friend" who stormed out, leaving me sitting there shaking.)

I understand the OP's question about shouldn't real friends accept you as you are. In this case, it wasn't even me who started the conversation, but just because I didn't agree with her point of view?

I've had plenty of time to think about it and my decision is just to move on. Some times that's the best thing to do. I clearly wasn't a very important friend to this person after all. I assume there's something better for me in the future.

"" A little learning is a dangerous thing."-Alexander Pope

ECBG · ‎01-08-2011

@MistreatedbycsI would imagine politics is the subject your friend didn't want to discuss. We have heard more than enough.

When I get together with someone in a similar situation I would rather discuss what we've been doing.

stargazergal · ‎02-18-2016

Uhhhh....... current events...... she is probably talking about the up and coming

election...... I don't say I can blame her. I wouldn't take that too personally....

she wants to have an enjoyable visit, this is understandable I think.

Best of luck to you and your friend ~

@Mistreatedbycs wrote:
So we've known each for years, she has a grown family and recently divorced after a number of years. We see each other about twice a year sharing lunches and dinners for our birthdays. Since her divorce we've seen each other for coffee and she helped me move and other little things. I've always been grateful and repaid her with either a small gift or even an occasional get together quick dinner and said "I'll pay".

I've asked her to help me this week and she said only if I don't talk about current events, I said "sure". Now I'm thinking, what has changed, why can't I be just me, why would I have to limit my conversation to what she wants....I don't think I want her as a friend anymore...don't friends accept you the way you are?

Bellabutterfly · ‎04-10-2014

@Mistreatedbycs wrote:
So we've known each for years, she has a grown family and recently divorced after a number of years. We see each other about twice a year sharing lunches and dinners for our birthdays. Since her divorce we've seen each other for coffee and she helped me move and other little things. I've always been grateful and repaid her with either a small gift or even an occasional get together quick dinner and said "I'll pay".

I've asked her to help me this week and she said only if I don't talk about current events, I said "sure". Now I'm thinking, what has changed, why can't I be just me, why would I have to limit my conversation to what she wants....I don't think I want her as a friend anymore...don't friends accept you the way you are?

Hi Just Bling!

Unfortunally, sometime friendships end.

She may have a new "Gang of Friends", since her divorce? This happens quite frequently.

Friends of the past...She may no longer want to remain friends with these people.

It is very sad, but what I speak is true.

This exact thing, happend to my husband and I with one such friend. We new one another for 31 years.

All of a sudden this friend who was like a sister to me and I to her. One day, she just stopped taking my calls, we had never even argued with one another.

It was like my husband and I never existed. She never called us back and just dropped out. Totally dropped out of our lives. And I will tell you, it was so very strange and it hurt, it really hurt.

My Husband said, "It makes you wonder...Did we ever really know her? Or did she only show us what she only wanted to show us?

KathyPet · ‎03-09-2010

HAve you discussed politics before? Are you on opposite sides? MAybe she does not want to get into a contentious discussion or maybe like a lot of us she is sick to death of hearing about the da** election. I fail to see how her saying she does not want to discuss politics means she is failing to accept you as you are.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@Mistreatedbycs wrote:
So we've known each for years, she has a grown family and recently divorced after a number of years. We see each other about twice a year sharing lunches and dinners for our birthdays. Since her divorce we've seen each other for coffee and she helped me move and other little things. I've always been grateful and repaid her with either a small gift or even an occasional get together quick dinner and said "I'll pay".

I've asked her to help me this week and she said only if I don't talk about current events, I said "sure". Now I'm thinking, what has changed, why can't I be just me, why would I have to limit my conversation to what she wants....I don't think I want her as a friend anymore...don't friends accept you the way you are?

@Mistreatedbycs

I found your comments a bit shocking .... if you have to control the conversation, or you just don't feel accepted .... well, where is YOUR flexibility? I suspect that she, like many of us, is suffering from "election burnout".

Big Sister · ‎05-15-2010

@Mistreatedbycs Please don't be suspicious of her motives and for the next luncheon let her take the lead. She may not be in a "good place" right now and just wants to have a nice, easy, relaxing day. Maybe those kind of days are rare for her right now.

Give her a break for now until you know more about her motives.

Let me know how the meeting goes, please.

KathyPet · ‎03-09-2010

If you no longer want to be friends over something as silly as this then I think you are the one who is not really a friend and she is losing nothing. Friends are kind to each other and respect each other's feelings. Obviously you,do not and want to talk about what you want to talk about regardless of what she wants. Some friend.

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

@Mistreatedbycs wrote:
So we've known each for years, she has a grown family and recently divorced after a number of years. We see each other about twice a year sharing lunches and dinners for our birthdays. Since her divorce we've seen each other for coffee and she helped me move and other little things. I've always been grateful and repaid her with either a small gift or even an occasional get together quick dinner and said "I'll pay".

I've asked her to help me this week and she said only if I don't talk about current events, I said "sure". Now I'm thinking, what has changed, why can't I be just me, why would I have to limit my conversation to what she wants....I don't think I want her as a friend anymore...don't friends accept you the way you are?

First I'd have her clarify "current events" and secondly, does it mean she just needs to talk and have you listen? Or thirdly, do her politics differ from yours? I mean, I'd really listen at this visit and see what is going on in her world. Don't be offended, maybe she's at a new place in her life and needs to share. I'd say that's being a friend. This visit, maybe your chance to be the listener more. Just a guess, what do I know?

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

I absolutely understand the friend's distaste for discussing politics these days. I have been a news junkie for years. However, without taking sides, I think many of us have had it up to here (above forehead) with this seemingly endless election. In fact, I told my husband just a few days ago that I had hit my limit of political stressors. I have stopped watching the news on TV. I made my choice long ago and don't need to subject myself to any more vitriol. It's giving me high blood pressure. And I know I'm not alone in my feelings. I recommend watching and discussing mindless drivel for awhile. It will be good for your mental and physical health.