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Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Raising Boys Will Become Men

We are a family (large) of mostly females.  We are strong women who've stuck together and helped each other trough tragedy, divorce (multiples) and (let's just say...everything).

 

So, with that in mind I'm reminded of a conversation I had last week with my sister who has two boys (ages 13 and 7) and 2 teenage daughters.

 

She said that she often has one on one conversations with her 13 year old son about relationships.  They mostly talk about relationships with females.

 

I won't go into their one on one conversations, that's private.

 

I will say that, even at that age she worries about their psyche and how they see females.

 

We are and have always been a very open family.  We speak to and about each other openly....no secrets....often forgiving others.

 

I only had 3 daughters.  My middle daughter had 3 daughters.  She has talks with them also.

 

I can't imagine raising children today.  Not just because of this, but so many other reasons.

 

If there were no males there'd be no females.  We must find a way to remember that.

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Registered: ‎11-12-2016

Re: Raising Boys Will Become Men

Hi @Annabellethecat   I grew up in a family of mostly men, and my children are boys.

 

How I would have loved to have conversations with them when they were younger (brothers and sons), something other than their usual grunts, when speaking.

 

I envy the fact you have daughters, but love my boys and brothers unconditionally.  Smiley Happy

 

 

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Re: Raising Boys Will Become Men

Conversations with son and grandsons (I have 2 daughters, 1 son and all grandsons) emphasize being well-rounded, equipped persons who are kind and generous and view women as equals. Regarding careers, be able to support yourself financially while following your heart. Discussion with grandsons include humility and gratitude. 

 

Last week single daughter broke up with guy friend because she determined he wasn't going to have the same good qualities her dad has. Her dad is her benchmark. 

 

Parenting is the toughest work I've ever done. I've had my meltdowns and during low times daydreamed about running away. Who didn't? Parenting isn't for everyone and I understand if people opt out of parenting. My generation never stops being a parent. We don't 'release' as easily as my grandparents with large families did but their relationships weren't as close either. Grateful my kids and grandkids like me and connect with us each week.    

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees." Henry David Thoreau
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Re: Raising Boys Will Become Men

I raised my two sons to treat people how they wanted to be treated. Pretty simple. Men nor women are not enemies.  
We don't have to vilify one sex to have the other succeed. Some media need to learn that lesson.

Confucius says don’t listen to a tolerance lecture from a bully.
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Re: Raising Boys Will Become Men


@jeanlake wrote:

Conversations with son and grandsons (I have 2 daughters, 1 son and all grandsons) emphasize being well-rounded, equipped persons who are kind and generous and view women as equals. Regarding careers, be able to support yourself financially while following your heart. Discussion with grandsons include humility and gratitude. 

 

Last week single daughter broke up with guy friend because she determined he wasn't going to have the same good qualities her dad has. Her dad is her benchmark. 

 

Parenting is the toughest work I've ever done. I've had my meltdowns and during low times daydreamed about running away. Who didn't? Parenting isn't for everyone and I understand if people opt out of parenting. My generation never stops being a parent. We don't 'release' as easily as my grandparents with large families did but their relationships weren't as close either. Grateful my kids and grandkids like me and connect with us each week.    


What a beautiful post...We have two sons, 1 daughter. Oir daughter has followed what I would say is a more traditional life path...college (2 degrees), family, career. Our men live alternate lifestyles, but yes they are happy and self supporting.  One is an artist and the other works with a grass roots environmental agency.   You are absolutely correct when you say our generation never stops parenting, and we are very close and yes, have had many conversations. I too am grateful.

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Re: Raising Boys Will Become Men

[ Edited ]

Without knowing the content of their discussions and exactly why you posted this, I think of the growing division between males and females today.

 

In some cases it's hatred, not wanting to get married and having children.  

 

On the male side, many are concerned about divorces, the cost, and losing everything "women get everything and I end up in a $200 apartment", and relinquishing their patriarchal roles in the marriage.  They blame women for the divorces.

 

Women want equality in the marriage, careers, don't want children, reject living in a patriarchal household and blaming men for the ills of the world.  Toxic masculinity.

 

Both males and females openly trashing each other on the internet that just causes more friction.  Despite good parenting, youngsters are indoctrinated on the internet, in schools, colleges, TV programming, even their friends.

 

"Toxic masculinity," men being taught masculinity is bad.  Women wanting men to be more like them.  Quite a few men buy into suppressing natural tendencies.  They become weak and feel helpless.  In today's culture little boys are no longer allowed to be boys.  No rough and tumble play.  Suicide is highest in men.  

 

Do I dare mention the results?  We can't keep a population going without children.  In some cases, birth rate is down to 1.7%.  2 children are needed to replace parents.  But, quite a few don't care.  

 

Looks like both sides refuse to budge.  

 

Only 40% of our youth plan to marry.  Over 50% of married couples divorce.  With so many broken families, our youth don't have both male and female role models, a family unit to emulate.

 

Won't express my opinion or suggestions here on what to do about this serious situation, but someone with authority should.    

 

 

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Re: Raising Boys Will Become Men

My parents had 5 boys and 2 girls. They have 8 grandchildren, 6 boys and 2 girls. So more males than females in my family.

 

The biggest influence on all of us kids was the example Dad and Mom set for us about what it means to be married. My parents were a team. They were soulmates. No one’s perfect but we were blessed to have been born to parents who loved each other.

 

I think my dad’s treatment of my mom, always as an equal, is what set the standard for my brothers’ treatment of women. 

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Re: Raising Boys Will Become Men

I have two sons and I think it's very important to show sons that women are perfectly capable and respect is a two way street. 

 

Also, that a mom is always there for her children, and they are her #1 priority, regardless of divorce, new boyfriend, new husband, or whomever may come in or out of her life. 

 

 



......You look like I need a drink.....
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Re: Raising Boys Will Become Men

I come from a Spanish culture where the males in the family are catered too and the females [like myself} do the house work and the males are spoiled silly. My brothers thank goodness became good husbands and fathers, We all did have a strict bringing up.

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Re: Raising Boys Will Become Men

I think the best way to teach and influence our children is through example.  That's how children learn.  A child who grows up in family where men and women treat each other respect and care, will follow that path.  I do think it's important for that boys have positive role models if there isn't a dad in the picture.  It can be grandfather, uncle, godfather.  A trusted male who can relate to them as a male.  I think the world is more complicated than it was when I was growing out and like it or not our kids; girls and boys; are exposed to things that the often don't understand.  Yes, parents have to talk to our kids but in an age appropriate manner.  As for the idea that there are "no secrets" in a family.  That's not even possible, as human beings we all have and are entitled to our privacy. There are things we choose not to share with everyone or anyone and that is emotionally healthy.