I was married at 21 and had my son and daughter by age 26. I entered into motherhood guided by a few Dr. Spock books and some day to day "how tos". It was tough going with them only a year apart. Yes, there were days I was ready to pack it in, but maybe guilt kept me in the game. That guilt turned into deep love for those toddlers and a sense of responsibility like none other. We grew up together.
My son waited until 34 to find just the "right one" to settle down. He wanted children badly and got started soon after. He's a wonderful, unselfish father. Coaches soccer, gets to school meetings, carpools to Sunday School, does the dishes when DIL cooks and that marriage seems fairly 50/50. Both parents work and it's difficult, but I watch them juggle the responsibility and since they've moved nearby, when asked I pitch in if needed.
My daughter, who married in her early 20's decided, from the beginning, they didn't want children. She said she didn't have the patience nor wanted the responsibility. That was hard for me to swallow, but I did respect the decision she made. Nothing worse than an unwanted child. The point here is her DH is a retired army captain, very strong willed and runs the house w/ an iron fist. He's now a highly paid executive w/ a huge company, always traveling and when home or away, my daughter waits on him hand and foot...mostly because he demands it in an unspoken way. I have a sneaking suspicion, he's the one who decided that he'd have no room for kids in his climb to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm a strong woman, soft, too, when necessary, but would never be under the foot of any man. I raised my daughter to finish a 4 yr. hygiene degree (usually only 2) to be a step ahead and always be able to be self-supporting and not dependent on any man. She could walk, but I think at this point she's been "brainwashed" to the point where he's her "everything". He calls, she runs. Brings dinner to his office if he runs late and asks. She works, too, but he's never as much as carried a folded basket of laundry upstairs or put his own things away. His purpose, taught by his Dad who's the same way, is to bring home the paycheck and run a tight ship. I love my SIL, but not the impact he's had on my daughter's psyche.
Two kids, same household, similar upbringing, different sexes, same messages. Both parents present w/ unconditional love and guidance. So, how much influence does our parenting actually have compared to the choices they make for themselves?
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