Among Friends

[Ketra]

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@Trinity11wrote:

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@Ketrawrote:

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@Trinity11wrote:

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@Ketrawrote:

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@cherrywrote:

What happend to turning the other cheek?????

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@cherry What happened to giving your mother basic respect?????? The son rarely contacts his mother. When she shares with him what the doctor said he’s says that?

She has every reason to confront him about his text.

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Oh?? With success our children who are affluent cannot always fill our emotional needs. They are busy making a living. 

Expecting a lot of calls and hand holding is an unrealistic expectation of our children. Let them live their lives in peace. 

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@Trinity11 The OP stated that her son rarely contacts her since her husband’s death.  I am guessing, just guessing here, that he is very socially active and busy, as that is synonymous with an affluent lifestyle. Possibly one of the reasons he doesn’t contact his mother very often?

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Yes @Ketra. I have a son who works very long hours and travels a lot....he is very affluent from the fruits of his labor. Any holiday, he is there but the every day stuff I don't burden him with. I had 2 heart attacks within a year's time. I tried to never burden him with any of it. I know he cares and I don't need frequent calls to prove it to myself.

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@Trinity11 We don’t know much about the OP’s son. Whether or not he’s been there for her on holidays, bithdays, etc..or how he treats her. The only things we do know are that he stopped having much contact with her after her husbands passing and texted her to “stop complaining” when she shared the results of her latest doctor’s visit. I think she should bring it up to him either in person or a phone call (no texts) if it’s still bothering her. Maybe clearing the air would help them both. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been so sick. I hope you are doing better now.

[Trinity11]

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@Ketrawrote:

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@Trinity11wrote:

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@Ketrawrote:

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@Trinity11wrote:

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@Ketrawrote:

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@cherrywrote:

What happend to turning the other cheek?????

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@cherry What happened to giving your mother basic respect?????? The son rarely contacts his mother. When she shares with him what the doctor said he’s says that?

She has every reason to confront him about his text.

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Oh?? With success our children who are affluent cannot always fill our emotional needs. They are busy making a living. 

Expecting a lot of calls and hand holding is an unrealistic expectation of our children. Let them live their lives in peace. 

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@Trinity11 The OP stated that her son rarely contacts her since her husband’s death.  I am guessing, just guessing here, that he is very socially active and busy, as that is synonymous with an affluent lifestyle. Possibly one of the reasons he doesn’t contact his mother very often?

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Yes @Ketra. I have a son who works very long hours and travels a lot....he is very affluent from the fruits of his labor. Any holiday, he is there but the every day stuff I don't burden him with. I had 2 heart attacks within a year's time. I tried to never burden him with any of it. I know he cares and I don't need frequent calls to prove it to myself.

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@Trinity11 We don’t know much about the OP’s son. Whether or not he’s been there for her on holidays, bithdays, etc..or how he treats her. The only things we do know are that he stopped having much contact with her after her husbands passing and texted her to “stop complaining” when she shared the results of her latest doctor’s visit. I think she should bring it up to him either in person or a phone call (no texts) if it’s still bothering her. Maybe clearing the air would help them both. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been so sick. I hope you are doing better now.

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@Ketra, I would bet the farm that how the OP described her DIL has a lot to do with why he is reacting the way that he is. I seriously doubt the woman doesn't know how her MIL is describing her here.

Like you said, clearing the air would be very beneficial.

[151949]

I think if every time your kids ask how you feel you give them a dissertation on all your aches & pains - they are going to quit asking. I have cronic pain but I try not to make an issue of it. When anyone asks me how I feel I usually say - something like Same as every other day - some things good , some things bad. or Same as always - how about you? Unless your at the doctor - no one wants to listen to a tirade about how bad you feel.

[YorkieonmyPillow]

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@151949wrote:

I think if every time your kids ask how you feel you give them a dissertation on all your aches & pains - they are going to quit asking. I have cronic pain but I try not to make an issue of it. When anyone asks me how I feel I usually say - something like Same as every other day - some things good , some things bad. or Same as always - how about you? Unless your at the doctor - no one wants to listen to a tirade about how bad you feel.

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I don't think what the OP texted could be considered a "tirade."

Sigh.............

OP you may want to consider having this thread closed as it's showing all the signs of jumping the tracks..........@calcgirl

[qbetzforreal]

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@151949wrote:

I think if every time your kids ask how you feel you give them a dissertation on all your aches & pains - they are going to quit asking. I have cronic pain but I try not to make an issue of it. When anyone asks me how I feel I usually say - something like Same as every other day - some things good , some things bad. or Same as always - how about you? Unless your at the doctor - no one wants to listen to a tirade about how bad you feel.

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How did you come up with tirade or dissertation?

[RetRN]

@151949, you whine and complain about everything. I really don't think you should be judging others.

[Elri]

@Calcgirl

Well, that was not a kind response.

You weren't feeling sorry for yourself.  You actually were in pain.

Sometimes, our kids can let us down.   

I hope your knee feels better.  Did you get it drained?  Shoulder pain is miserable.  Maybe PT can help you to feel good again. 

Best wishes........

[BirkiLady]

@151949  What do you know about giving suggestons for parenting and communicating with children? I keep seeing comments about your constant complaining on these forums by others. Perhaps you need to look in the mirror before judging others so quickly. 

[BirkiLady]

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@Calcgirlwrote:

When your grown children ask you how you are doing or feeling, how do you respond?

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@Calcgirl  Just read the entire thread following your post.  Perhaps the problem in communication would be eliminated if you and your son talked on the phone, rather than text. You have no idea what kind of day your busy son had that day. He may have had an awful day and didn't mean to take it out on you. I'd let this go; life is short. (Grudges are long and miserable for only the person carrying them.)  Call your son (at home) and let him know how what the MRI results were. Hopefully,he'll be more interested. If not, ask why he is so distant and try to renew the relationship. Remember, he is married and you must accept his wife with grace and dignity. If you do not treat her with kindness, he will choose her over you. Don't make him have to do that. Pick your battles very carefully. 

Condolences on the loss of your DH. Hope your knee is feeling better. Best wishes with a better relationship with you son. 

Edited:  When asked how I am: "Fine thank you; and how are you?"  (Actually, I've been on disability for 19 years and not doing that well, but I'd never tell anyone, not even my 45-year old son, DIL and especially my grandson. They do know I've just updated my Will, Living Will, Trust, DNR, and all other legal documents. My son has copies of everything at home, in my safety deposit box and on his cell phone.)

[chiclets]

I always thank them for their concern.

However I have often said to them do you want to hear the truth or maybe only what you want to hear. Frankly their response to me has been they want to hear what they want to hear because the truth makes them more concerned and worries them.

With that being said our relationship concerning the matter is comfortable because I want to know how they are really doing and so I tell them how it really is and they do the same.

Or whatever, it is what we think it is. I am content.