Among Friends

[Moonchilde]

@iceRedfire

The self-published author writes a blog. The comments/quotes in the OP are from a book - she gives the author's name in the OP.

Another poster mentioned that there was a book involved. Yet another poster said 'what does that have to do with anything?" My response was to address what the question has to do with this discussion.

You would need to read all of my prior post in this thread to understand what I was responding to, and about.

I have no issue with the book the blogger refers to, or its contents. I question WHY a self-published author would promote and discuss this IN LIGHT OF what I described in that post. Not that there's anything wrong with writing about cyber bullying, but simply that the blogger might have had a bit of an ulterior motive, and that it has occurred in the Amazon situation that those shouting Bully! The loudest were, in fact, the bullies - so, read carefully.

I realize no one in this thread *really* wants to hear that not all those who cry Bully are saints, but there it is.  Just be aware there are possible ulterior motives, such as perhaps with the blogger.

[Carmie]

Times have sure changed since was a child,  I was never bullied.  No one was brave enough to try.  My father taught all of us children how to protect ourselves mentally and physically.  If someone's picked on me or my siblings, they would have been on the ground begging to be let go and they knew it.

 I do not have nor want Facebook, Twitter or any other social media garbage.   I  have had a personal home computer since 1990.. on dial up service and way before Windows.. I was proficient  and self taught with DOS so I am computer literate.

I just don't understand why young children are allowed on these social media sights.  If you, like me, are not a part of this social media, no one can bully you via social media.

On Christmas Eve, I took a peek at the QVC forums and noticed that a little Sparrow was causing all kinds of problems.  Then I noticed many forum members trying to defend themselves against the attacker... all in vain.

Religious posting followed even though it is not allowed and many posters made a fool of themselves IMO.   Someone set the bait and many took the bait and wouldn't let it go.  The sparrow was the bully and the people who commented keep feeding the bully and things got way out of control. I couldn't believe how this bully pulled so many people in and so easily.  How weak are people that they can't let a posting by a person they don't even know control them?

There will always be bullies.  Sometimes we can't help if we are chosen as their victim, but many times we can stop them from acting out further.  Bullies feed on power.  Try not to give it to them.

[VaBelle35]

Our new First Lady intends to work on the cyberbullying issue.  I look forward to any initiatives to combat this.  It's a horrible byproduct of the internet.

[Carmie]

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@VaBelle35 wrote:

Our new First Lady intends to work on the cyberbullying issue.  I look forward to any initiatives to combat this.  It's a horrible byproduct of the internet.

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Working on this issue won't be enough.

Parents have got to stop giving their children call phone that can connect to the Internet in first grade with no supervision or chaperoning. 

I can't count the times a local middle school student sent a nudie pic to their girlfriend/boyfriend via phone and the pic was passed around the school.  It is unlawful because the kids are underage.  The police depts have been to the schools several times explaining that this is illegal, but the trend continues.

There is always some young girl getting bullied because her nude pic is out there, but she is the one who sent it.

I feel sorry for these kids.  Their parents need to step up to the plate and use common sense.  These kids are too immature to have full use of a cell phone with texting and internet with no supervision.

This problem is only going to get worse.

[VaBelle35]

I think this will fall to our schools to educate children about this, since many already have bullying programs and guidelines for decorum in school.

[Moonchilde]

I see many more *attempts* at bullying than anything else. It can most often be stopped at the attempt by the supposed target simply not reacting to the attempt, or stating firmly something to the effect of "not gonna work on me" - and then *leave it alone.* Like a troll, a bully feeds on *responses.* Stop feeding either and they quit. They may do it again another day, and even another, but if you consistently refuse to play, they *will* give up eventually, in search of a better target.

Whether or not bullies should be "allowed" on a forum, for example, is completely subjective. What is "bullying" to some is just a discussion to others. Each individual person cannot set the standard for "it's bullying if I feel it is."

I don't deny bullying exists here, it can - but some posters honestly seem to feel that any post which isn't sweetness, light, love and magical ponies, and which might say "that's dumb" about something they've said, and responding in a back-and-forth as to whether it's dumb or not, is "bullying." Some feel that others strongly disagreeing with them, repeatedly, and saying so, is bullying.

(Perceived) rudeness is NOT bullying, and calling every post or poster one finds disagreeable bullying/a bully only dilutes the person's believability and makes "bullying" more of a watered-down accusatory buzzword than it's already become.

Genuine bullying is a thing, yes. But not every post or poster one "doesn't appreciate" is automatically bullying just because (figurative) you don't like it. And calling someone a bully only means you think they are, it doesn't mean they ARE.

"I feel bullied, so I AM being bullied, and somebody needs to make it stop. If I yell "bully!" loud and long enough, people will sympathize with ME and we'll all attack the bully!" (which will then of course make "you" the bully.)

When people say "toughen up", what they're saying in part is you need to do what YOU can do to lessen the effect of what you feel is bullying. You can't just sit there and cry about being bullied without doing anything YOU can do. Ignore them, tell them you're not going to engage, whatever - but don't just expect some universal mama to fix it and make it all better. Adults shouldn't need that. Lastly - people on a forum are *strangers.* Just how much should you CARE what they have to say, really? Why should you allow a stranger the power to hurt you? Just don't.

I speak, of course, of online bullying in social media where face-to-face and actually knowing someone in real life is not part of the equation.

[Carmie]

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@VaBelle35 wrote:

I think this will fall to our schools to educate children about this, since many already have bullying programs and guidelines for decorum in school.

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Yes, schools do have programs to educate. but the responsibility belongs to the parents.

[ROMARY]

Many, may years ago, I recall one of my friends saying that her then teen daughter told her that many of the girls she knew went around showing/sending various photos of 'themselves' and others doing 'this and that', so to speak.  So, sometimes (not always) it's the girls themselves who think it's fun to spread questionable photos all around.  Sort of entertainment.

[blackhole99]

I know you can't watch what your kids are doing 24/7 anymore, if parents ever did, but I just don't understand all this bulling. I just found out over the holiday that my son's SO was bullied by the kids at her private Catholic school when she was a kid. I could not believe the other kids would make fun of such a beautiful child. She said they didn't think she was beautiful, they made fun of her for being so small and dark skinned and she said she had trouble with her teeth and they constantly taunted her about that. I can only imagine what she would have gone through in public school. Why are the kids so mean? I remember telling my son when he was old enough to understand what it meant to hurt someone's feelings, what the deal was. We don't comment on someone's appearance negatively and keep your hands to yourself. That's probably not the answer to the big problem, but you gotta start somewhere. I think when someone bullies you as an adult you need to be able to defend yourself or physically get out of the situation.

[CareBears]

@blackhole99 I never thought I would be bullied as an adult and I thought to myself NO WAY would I put up with it, and then it happened to me! In my case, in the beginning I was able to just laugh it off (kind of, I hurt in silent), but as it progressed and the attacks became more frequent, I did try to tell her to knock it off, but when I did defend myself she came at me even harder and she also would turn it around and play the victim making me look like I was the bully, and NEVER was I cruel, but tbullies are masters of making their victims feel guilty!  By the time I finally left, I believed every cruel statement she had said about me, and I actually believed I deserved it!

Unless you have lived through it, it is too hard to explain how it affects you mentally, I have never claimed to be a strong person, I am far from it, and she knew this about me and used that against me.  

Like I mentioned in my original post, the day I finally woke up and said ENOUGH, something came over me that morning and I was invincible, but I will admit after I had deleted my email address, changed our phone numbers, and left social media, I started shaking and crying so uncontrollaby that I thought I would never stop, I think my mind and body finally was able to let go of a year worth of mental pain, and I was relieved and for the first time I saw hope and it overwhelmed me!

It has been almost 5 years now, and to this day I still have moments when the names she called me, the statements she made to me, still haunt me, I honestly think they always will, and I still question every relationship I have, even my marriage, I ask my husband "You do still love me right", I have a long way to go when it comes to trust issues and believing in ME again, but I'll get there, I like to say "I am a work in progress".

And in my defense, when I did leave that situation, I never said a word to her, I simply left so she could not use my words against me, she knew what she did to me she did not deserve an explanation!