Among Friends

[libbyannE]

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@Desertdi wrote:

Some of the worst bullying is done by co-workers..........right out in public

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True. I had one employee who behaved that way. I knew it and just ignored it. I continued to focus positively on that person's work and to give her opportunities. She behaved a bit like a nasty, insecure junior high school girl behind my back. It was simple jealousy. I was her boss; she wanted my job. I was happily married; she was not. I was secure and confident; she wasn't. I just flew above the "stuff" she kept throwing out there, and I never took her low road. I pretended that I did not know and treated her well, not that I didn't feel hurt at times.  Years later before she died early of cancer, she apologized to me and thanked me for helping to further her career. She knew I had never talked behind HER back. I admit I was proud of myself, but mostly I was grateful to my parents for raising us to be mature, secure, and confident enough to rise above such nastiness and to do the right thing in spite of it. 

[ROMARY]

One thing that I finally figured out:  Nice people drive not-so-nice people absolutely crazy.  Hence (Therefore), the bullying.

[mzlg]

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nutmeg3 wrote:

This is not just an article. It is someone selling a book.

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@Nuttmeg, No, it is not just someone selling a book.  This item, is from Anne R. Allen's blog.  It is an older piece, dated July 5, 2015.  However, the information is still very timely.  Yes, Anne R. Allen is a writer and does sell books, but her blog is about writing and helping writers. 

Perhaps, you didn't really check it out, before making this statement.

[Moonchilde]

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@libbyannE wrote:

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@chrystaltree wrote:

Immature, weak people with low self esteem should just stay away from social media.  Cyberbullies aren't the problem; like all bullies, they look for easy victims.  They can't be stopped and no one can change them.  It's the nature of bullies.    So, adults who know they are easily intimidated should stay away from dangerous situations. 

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It's also interesting that the bullies themselves are "immature, weak people with low self-esteem" or they wouldn't get pleasure from bullying other people in the first place. So sick. Strong, confident, mature people with high self-esteem don't feel a need to bully others. I am so glad I have no social media accounts. This is the only place I have ever "posted" anything, and I don't plan to change that. My friends know where to find me. Why would I put stuff out on a face bk account, or wherever, which would open my life to strangers and crazy people, including insecure bullies? 

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Just FYI, having a FB account doesn't have to mean that you have to "open (your) life to strangers and crazy people" unless the crazy people are those you know. It's each individual's choice how they set up their accont, and you can make it as private as you feel like.

[Moonchilde]

To put @Nuttmeg's questioning into perspective, especially in light of some of the chapter titles of the book:

Not so long ago, there was (and probably still is, to some extent) a serious war going on at Amazon between self-published authors and ordinary readers who would give their opinions of books, either informally or in reviews on the book's page. Serious to the point of people being hunted down in real life and others trying to get them fired, genuine threats of physical violence, a very large web of lies being spun, and a huge Us vs Them categorization.

In reality, it was many Speshul Snowflake authors who had never been told by anyone (parents, teachers, coaches, etc) that anything and everything they did wasn't just the bestest ever.  They put unproofread books loaded with grammar and spelling errors, plot holes a mile wide and other issues up for sale, for money. And they had real people, not anyone wrapping them in cotton, giving their honest opinions on these masterpieces.

These authors went BALLISTIC that anyone should criticize their masterpiece. And I mean, foaming at the mouth, serious issues cuckoo ballistic. They formed an internet group with the specific intention to trash and ruin every ordinary person who spoke out against them. Fake identities hidden under layers were used.  Goodreads had to take actions to safeguard members and Amazon forcibly separated author forum from reader forum.

My point? It was the authors who claimed THEY were being bullied - and will always be convinced of that. I saw what went on. Anything any disgruntled reader ever said was FAR outweighed by the conduct of the "victims."

I will *always* question the motives of a self-published author who promotes books about cyber bullying. The book and its author are apparently well known and well-regarded. I think the blog author could have used the book to further an agenda. She is a self published author and she has written a self-help book for would-be authors.  

I'm not saying she has done anything wrong, but for anyone who knows anything about the Amazon author wars, a se;f-pubbed author talking of cyber bully IS a reason to question motive.

ETA: The VERY first reviewer of her How To book is one of the VERY worst of the foul-mouthed, abusive authors. Just FYI.

[Sooner]

We'll never get rid of the (choose your own explative here) in the world.  We can't shame or outlaw or incarcerate them.  Bottom line, we have to learn to live with them, ignore them, defend ourselves against them, and go on with a happy life--which is the best revenge aginst them.  To do that is really the only way to take their power away.

The more we pay attention to them and fret about them and let ourselves be around them, the more power we give to them.

I learned this the very very hard way early in life.  To let yourself be nibbled on by them is to give them power.

It's easy to say isn't it?  It isn't easy to do. . . 

[iceRedfire]

@Moonchilde

Which author are you talking about? The piece in the OP is a blog and she mentions different sources. 

But I may be confused, I think I'm coming down with a cold or something. Or just my usual confusion lol.

I thought the article made some valid points no matter who wrote it and I've seen the points made by others too so maybe we're "killing the messenger" and missing the message. Cyber bullying  IS a serious problem and worth exposing and educating about.

[iceRedfire]

@Sooner

Who's "fretting"?

I'm surprised at the people excusing cyberbullying. We can't get rid of it. We can't get rid of any crimes but that doesn't mean we should ignore, don't learn, put our head in the sand andjust let them go.

@CareBears

Thanks for your posts and I think you are very strong and brace. There is NO excuse for people who bully.

[NC Bandwagon]

I'm really sorry about what happened to you, CareBears. I'm glad that you made it through.

I feel so bad for the people on this forum who get bullied and are then told to "pull up their big girl panties" and "grow a thicker skin" and "you're too sensitive" and "waa waa, crybaby."

Meanwhile, the posters who posted that get about 7 or 15 hearts (QVC's version of "Likes" for this forum) for their post.

[software]

Oh, the irony.