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Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,304
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Problem with my friend....

@vsm---no that is not it at all--I NEVER have  talked politics with her,---- never  in all the years we have known each other---and it was understood that we were NOT going talk about it between us------maybe need to remind her-------of our agreement------

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,719
Registered: ‎03-19-2010

Re: Problem with my friend....


@Witchy Woman wrote:

@Nataliesgramma 

 

You've gotten great suggestions, but I'm not sure any will resolve the problem.

 

My heartfelt thinking on this is, if someone I am friends with, or someone in my family has political/racial views so divergent from mine, how can we really feel deeply connected?  If there is so much hate or anger in their hearts for things I believe in, then what?

 

In my case, it is my sister.  We cannot/do not talk politics, but I know how she feels and simply don't understand the evolution of her thinking.  Any discussion of it descends into anger and crazy talk.  She has all but alientated her youngest daughter because of it.

 

I love my sister, but It makes me sad and makes me wonder about her inner being and spirit.

 

Maybe someone can offer thinking....I've given up.


@Witchy Woman :  I am experiencing the same thing in my family, but I have to remember that her points are just as valuable as mine, just different.  Maybe they feel the same way about me.  It doesn't make her a bad person.  The perception sometimes is that my way is the only way or the best.  We all see and think differently and we are still family.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,140
Registered: ‎07-01-2012

Re: Problem with my friend....

Maybe it is not a matter of your friendship not mattering to her, it is a matter of her obsession with her political views.

 

Even though you have told her you are not interested in discussing the subject she can not help herself when she boldly writes about it. She is stressing her point, again and again, wanting to convince you.

 

She is so involved with the political that she does not see it as a matter of loosing a friendship over it. She probably would not comprehend why that would happen.

 

I do believe friendships matter. If you want to retain it you will have to just yada, yada, it with a response not relating to the matter itself.

 

If not, and it is too toxic a friendship to continue just email her email back to her with no response. You can continue doing that until the light bulb goes on in her head.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,889
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: Problem with my friend....

I have a dear friend whose political beliefs are diametrically opposed to mine. Long ago, we agreed not to discuss politics. We have enough common ground in other areas of life to have good conversations. I have another friend whose views are almost exactly like mine. However, she is very upset about what's going on these days and does not want to discuss anything political. The bottom line is that if, for any reason, a friend wants no political discussion, there's nothing wrong with a reminder that these discussions are upsetting and off limits.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,913
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Problem with my friend....

[ Edited ]

 

@Nataliesgramma 

 

Raced cars for years with a good friend of mine, probably about 35 year friendship. He was always into politics and back then I was not. Also good friends and raced and worked with his brother-in-law.

 

This friend and I mostly communicated over the years via phone and email. He got so deep into his political beliefs which were/are different than mine, but we did discuss them pretty deeply. At some point he quit calling me and no longer replied to my emails.

 

I wrote him and email putting it right out there, which is just who I am. I said "if I don't get a response from you, I will assume your political beliefs mean more to you than our decades long friendship". Never got a response. Even his brother-in-law, who is pretty neutral politically, seldom hears from him.

 

As I think you know from my posts that I am a "straight and to the point person", no beating around the proverbial b**h. I handle everything and everyone exactly the same.

 

Stay safe and stay well,

 

 

 

hckynut

hckynut(john)
Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,344
Registered: ‎05-01-2010

Re: Problem with my friend....

We have different political views than some family members. We never discuss it when together. It’s just always been an unspoken rule. 

We don’t discuss with friends either. We have one couple that can’t help themselves! We have the type of friendship where I can tell the husband to shut the heck up. Not nasty, but like family. Have known them forever.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 32,482
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Problem with my friend....

[ Edited ]

@Nataliesgramma If you have told her pointedly three times, I seriously doubt if a fourth would change a thing.  These people are relentless and obsessed and self righteous.  They will never see any other viewpoint or concede to any common ground.

 

Let me make clear I am talking about people on both sides, becuase neither side has a lock on crazy.  That's part of the problem.  Nobody is ahead in the nut-case race.

 

We had friends that we'd known for 20 years, dear friends. After the last election they started in with little remarks and we'd say, let's not talk about that subject.  We never had.

 

So the second time at a restaurant when I said "You don't want to go there" (and I said that because my husband is brilliant and well read and you don't ever want to get in an argument with him because he will have a fact for everything you say, so it was said in kindness to the other people)--when I said "You don't want to go there" they got mad and since that dinner have not been a part of our lives.  Their choice.

 

I say this because people like that want to fight to try to make you look bad and they won't get over it.  If you refuse to engage, they just keep plugging away.  At least that's my experience, so we're better off without them and have made no attempt to renew the friendship.

 

It just wouldn't be anything but painful and distressing for us to engage with them again.

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,095
Registered: ‎03-17-2010

Re: Problem with my friend....

I would give my friend as many reminders as necessary.  I would not lose a long time friend over her inability to keep her opinions to herself about subjects you both agreed not to discuss.  Also, simply refusing to engage in those discussions and keep the subject benign is far easier by written word.  Good luck and try to keep cool, I'm sure she is simply too passionate to let some of these subjects go.... 

*~"Never eat more than you can lift......" Miss Piggy~*
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,656
Registered: ‎06-09-2010

Re: Problem with my friend....

I think this is petty. Friends should be comfortable enough with one another to voice their opinions on anything. We don't have to agree or disagree; just listen and move on. I don't understand why there needed to be parameters in your friendship. 

 

Maybe you don't have a true friendship. I don't know anyone that agreed on everything. I would say if she wants to rant about politics just let her. You need not reply. I wouldn't want a friendship that had subjects I was not permitted to discuss because of fear of repercussions.  Think about it before ending a friendship. Times are challenging now and we need to be able to be kind and caring. JMHO, take care.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 32,482
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Problem with my friend....


@elated wrote:

I think this is petty. Friends should be comfortable enough with one another to voice their opinions on anything. We don't have to agree or disagree; just listen and move on. I don't understand why there needed to be parameters in your friendship. 

 

Maybe you don't have a true friendship. I don't know anyone that agreed on everything. I would say if she wants to rant about politics just let her. You need not reply. I wouldn't want a friendship that had subjects I was not permitted to discuss because of fear of repercussions.  Think about it before ending a friendship. Times are challenging now and we need to be able to be kind and caring. JMHO, take care.


@elated If she continues to rant on and bring up things that distress her "friend" after being told repeatedly, she is not a friend.  She is a user.  She is picking on someone.