Among Friends

[Zhills]

Call the Sheriff's office non-emergency line and ask them for advice about getting the guns and him removed.  They will help you.  Be safe.  Time is not on your side.

[GCR18]

My sister was married to a mentally abusive man for 20 years.  She wouldn't leave because of the children.  The surprise came when he filed for divorce.  He had been plotting and saving for two years.  After he told her he wanted a divorce and papers were served, he emptied their checking account.  That's where they kept all their money, other than her 401k.  She didn't have any cash until her next paycheck.  

Can you get a lawyer consultation early this week?  Safety, of course is #1.  You need to find out what your rights are for your state.  If you move out, does that mean you abandoned the property?  It did in my sister's case.  She lived with him until the divorce.  The divorce took six months.  It was a little bit like the movie the war of the roses.  Take all financial records along to the lawyer.  I.e. last checking statement, investment accounts, last year's tax return.  

Best wishes.

[Bird mama]

@sfnative 

It took strength on your part to come to the decision that yea, you love him, but you love yourself more.  For many, that is the hardest part.

I respect you for being strategic and deliberate (in a planning/careful consideration perspective) while living in a stressful situation.

You have received excellent advice from others who have been in your shoes and not only survived it but went on to thrive.

I am sending you encouraging and positive thoughts from Michigan.  I'm praying for you and have every confidence that you will be successful.

Bernadette 

[missy1]

Get your ducks in a row, before you leave. I would seek a competent attorney before you do anything irrational. One will have to leave the home, with a restraining order is in place. You want to get your things out that mean a lot (without him knowing, like small things, paperwork, pictures).

Is your dh, your daughters dad?

[happycat]

@sfnative, Prayers for you, my friend. So sorry to hear you are going thru this, and so happy you are getting out.

[Mom2Dogs]

@sfnative...would you be able to take some things from the house that are important to you...on the day you leave, if you fear your spouse will destroy them in your absence?

If he works or is gone for a period of time, take the furniture you want.....

[3suwm5]

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@tansy wrote:

Good luck.  On a practical note get as much financial info as you can get your hands on  -- tax returns, pension info, 401k, other accounts.  

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@tansy  Very good points.

@sfnative  Good luck to you friend, God bless you.  Stay safe.

[Lilysmom]

@sfnative, I am very sorry to know that you are going through such a hard time.  My prayers are with you for sure.  I think you are a pretty smart lady.  Don't underestimate the power behind desperation.  Be hyper alert until you are in your safe place.  LM

[Kate1217]

Be safe, and don't let your guard down.

Do you have any out-of-state relatives or friends you can stay with for awhile? Even a women's shelter in another state is good. It's always safer to get as far away as possible, once you have stored your possessions. You can always contact a lawyer once you are safe. Your husband should not be able to figure out where you are, because he will show up (either angry or manipulative) & potentially endanger you and your family.

Concerned for your safety & that of your loved ones. Take good care of yourself and think through each move you make very carefully. If you have few assets with him, just pack up and GO.

So sorry you are going through this, but you will get through it to a new life on the other side of this abuse. Good luck to you.

[dooBdoo]

          (((@sfnative))),   My heart is breaking.  At the moment, I cannot think of any suggestions to add to the valuable advice offered by so many dear posters here.    I do want to offer my support and prayers for you and for everyone who courageously survived horrific experiences and who bravely share their stories.   There also are those who are silent survivors, who cannot share their experiences here but who are brave, generous and compassionate with their support, and I pray for and honor them, too.    We have a community of warriors, and I respect and appreciate each and every one of you.  

          (((Rebecca))),  You have been a kind and loving friend to so many of us here on the Community, and I wish we could come there and help in the coming days and weeks.   I pray for good people armed with knowledge, information, and power, to come into your life, now, and guide and protect you.   I pray for your safety and for a life of love, peace, and contentment which you deserve so richly.   May the angels surround you and guard you.

❤️