Among Friends

[Sweet_Serenity]

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@Snowpuppy wrote:

Been there.

He'll assume you're heading for DD's. Question is, is he sober enough at times to follow you? When I left I moved 1200 miles away and he didn't maintain sobriety long enough to follow.

I only took what I could pack in my car. Nothing was left of mine in the house when I came to get it. You could store some boxes in advance if you need to.

Forget the protection order. You'll be dead before the cops show up. Call Al anon or a women's helpline when he's not around.

Relate to your experience. Engaged very wealthy attractive man.  Gentleman while we were dating. Remember "Sleeping with the Enemy" house on the beach. His home was like that. Not a item out of place. When we first started going out, Friends notice that he seemed odd in the way he looked. Never listened, Enamoured with his charm weath intelligence. Long story short, One day changed everything. Not going into what happened. Point is left the relationship immediately. Fast forward! Granddaughter is everything to me. Can't imagine allowing anyone near her who might harm her. Every woman or man who sees the first signs of abuse via mental emotional or physical. Leave immediately! Repeat there are safe houses. Rape center and received calls women who have been raped by husbands. Placed in safe environment and resources to help regain control. System can help first step starts with the victim. Violence mixed with alcohol and drugs puts the victim at higher risk. You have person who has proven his abusive nature. Two together explosive combination. 

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[AuntG]

I'm taking a moment right now to do the things @sfnative requested. Your safety comes first.

[meallen616]

Be safe, good luck,

[cancun08]

Never let your guard down.  Be safe. Be strong.  Sending prayers your way.

[Abby Grace]

Prayers said for you as you proceed...

[cmoose]

I haven't read through all the repsonses- sounds liket you are getting some good advice. 

I never watch Dr. Phil- but stopped on it for some reason the other day and the topic was domestic violence. His wife Robin has started a foundation to help women in your situation. Here is the website 

http://www.whengeorgiasmiled.org/centers-support-groups-organizations/

I'm glad you have support. 

Keep us posted. 

[hoosieroriginal]

@sfnative - stay strong!  Please do what is right for you and your family - I helped my daughter get a divorce from her abusive husband and she went right back to him.  Eventually she got out of the marriage. 

[violann]

Make all of your thinking in the next several difficult days self affirming, self protective, and focused forward.

[Krimpette]

My thoughts and prayers are with you.  Be safe.

[CAcableGirl2]

@sfnative  Although my situation is different, the amount of stress that my marriage caused me was unbearable.  Once he was gone, it was like the sky opened up and I had my entire life back again.  Some words of advice before you leave.

Make sure you have documents of bank accounts, tax info, pension information, income sources, phone numbers, etc.  before you leave.  Once he realizes that you aren't coming back, he will try to bankrupt you so you will have no other options financially then to go back to him.  If you have to scan and email over to your daughter for safekeeping, that is one option.

Remember, if you are on joint accounts, just as you could take all the money out of your joint accounts, he could do the same - so plan accordingly.   

Make sure you file for divorce or legal separation immediately, you don't want him opening all sorts of credit accounts that you will become liable for. 

All the material items that he will destroy once you leave are just material items and your health and well being are worth so much more.

You are lucky to have supportive family - he will try to "change" once he gets over the rage of you leaving and realizes that you are serious, but if someone would lose his cool around a small child, he can't be trusted.  

Don't tell all your friends where you are - he will hound them for information.  Just let them know you have left (after you are gone), and will reach out to them if you need anything.  

Believe me, you will have an entire new outlook on life once you are gone - the most important thing is to remember, that he will claim that he can change, but you must remember how he has made you feel for many years.  He knows how he is and if he respected and cared about you, he would have changed already.  He has already proven to you that he isn't capable of changing and no one should live in fear and stress, there is so much more to life than having to deal with a constant fear of someone who scares you and your other family members.

Focus on the future, there will be ups and downs, but once he is out of your life, you will be so much happier.

Please know we are all sending good wishes and prayers to you to make the changes that you need to make.  You will be OK.  Making the decision to go is one of the hardest things you will have to do.