Among Friends

[Drythe]

@sfnative

Be safe.  You are in my prayers.  You deserve happiness and peace.

[CatLoverDogsToo]

@sfnative  I went through something similar. My ex-husband wasn't an alcoholic, he was just mean, controlling, abusive both physically and emotionally.  My life was pure hell. If I wasn't crying, I had just finished crying or was about to cry. I'd never been a crier before I married him.  At the time he had guns, and I was afraid of guns having never been around them. When he threatened me the first time, with one of his guns, I cringed. When he left the house, I removed all the ammo from the house and hid it where he could not find it. My neighbor helped me remove the firing pins too. I then contacted a lawyer, got a Restraining Order, and forced him to move out of his house. (The house was only in his name. We had small children, and both of us were military, so I forced him to leave the home, as I threatened to go to his commander. He didn't want that.) 

It doesn't sound like you have anything you can "hold over him" that will help keep you safe. I did, so I felt fairly certain I would be safe. I also learned to shoot a gun, and got one. I became an excellent marksman because of all of this. Luckily, I have never had to use any firearms I own for anything other than target practice.

 The most dangerous time for you is going to be when he realizes you are leaving. Once you do leave, NEVER, EVER agree to meet with him alone ANYWHERE.

He is abusing you in so many ways, you do not "owe" him any kindness, explanations, or "heads up" as to what you are planning. You need to protect you, the heck with him.  Also remember, an order of protection or "restraining order" while a good idea, can aggravate a situation and is only worth the paper it is printed on.

 Police take time to respond when called, you really are your own "first responder." You are going to need to be very vigilant about your personal security.  

I will be thinking of you and praying for you.

[QVCkitty1]

Please take care, and I pray this is the beginning of a new and better life. 🌺

[Foolywooly11]

@sfnative: I have been there with my 1st husband, & I know how difficult this time can be, & will lift you up in my prayers! I had a duffel bag packed in the back of the closet, in case I had to leave in a hurry. I left & went back twice. Both times he found me & swore it would never happen again, but it did, each time worse than the time before. Finally, I found the courage to leave & never look back, & I've never regretted it, not even for a minute! You've gotten alot of good advice here; & there's alot of help out there for women in your situation! I left with a toddler, less than $200, in the pouring rain in a beat up car! That's how I know there is a God! To this day, I'm still amazed at the good "luck" I had, & the wonderful people that crossed my path during my time of need! Best of luck to you; you can do it!!

[aubnwa01]

Consider packing a "Go Bag" with your important papers & documents, medications & some clothing & toiletries as well as credit cards & cash & whatever else you think you'll need when you leave & then, when the time comes, GO.

[Stormygirl]

Big Hugs @sfnative.......prayers, positive thoughts coming your way. I am so sorry to know you are going through such a bad time. I have tears in my eyes reading your situation. Please be careful. I have not told anyone on these forums, not many know this but I was in a similar situation 1995. I found it to be true that the most dangerous time was right after I left the situation. This man followed me, stalked me . I knew the man I was dealing with was dangerous and was intent on killing me. At least the law enforcement seems to take domestic violence alot more seriously these days compared to back then. Anyway, I was held at gunpoint by him for 4 hours, then I was shot, beaten within an inch of my life and have permanent scars and PTSD. I had an order of protection too.

I have since become an expert in marksmanship and own several  guns as I will never become a victim again. I still live 40 minutes from any police response so I have to be like another poster said my own first responder. Just please be careful and I wish you the best. Is comforting to hear you have support and family. HUGSSSSSSSS xxxxxxxxxxxxx Stormy

[Sooner]

@sfnative  God bless you and keep you safe to go forward

[Snowpuppy]

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@aubnwa01 wrote:

Consider packing a "Go Bag" with your important papers & documents, medications & some clothing & toiletries as well as credit cards & cash & whatever else you think you'll need when you leave & then, when the time comes, GO.

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^^^^^^^^ Most Excellent.

[Lindsays Grandma]

Oh gosh sfnative, I feel your fear.  My second husband who was a sweet loving man in the 2 years we dated became an abuser almost immediately after the marriage.  I became pregnant quickly because he had no children and I already had two but after four years I had to divorce him to keep us all safe.  He was not an alcoholic but when he drank he became a wife beater and having to call the police periodically was not the way to live.  There were no weapons in the house other than his fists.

Please be very careful and make sure you are never alone during the moving out and divorce process.  Perhaps you should look into a restraining order immediately after you move.  Good luck, stay safe and God Bless you.

[Lindsays Grandma]

Goldie76, I too wrote about my second marriage that turned into a nightmare when my husband out of the blue would use me as his punching bag whenever he drank.  I had the police at our house many times and it was in the late 60's when they did nothing to help women being abused by their spouse other than to tell her to take the children and go to a motel.  Four years into the marriage and I divorced him.  We had a child together and I had a daughter from my first marriage.  I knew I could not allow my children live in that environment and I did not want to die so divorcing him was an easy decision to make.  To this day I feel sick when I hear of women being beaten by a boyfriend or husband.