Possible dementia

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

I know this is not the be-all end-all forum for solutions to serious problems but I need to see the experience of others. I have had many talks with our doctor, a gerontologist. All I'm looking for here is the experience of those of you out there who may have gone through this. My 72 year old husband has shown signs of serious memory loss. He says things repeatedly, and denies he ever did. He forgets things he's been told and fights against accusations that he has been told those things. Just this week he lost his cell phone. He had told me that if the old phone were found, he was told he needed to return the old phone. When he found the old phone I reminded him he needed to send it back but he argued incessantly this morning that this was not true. I had to prove what I was saying, based on what he had told me originally, by online information. He refused to admit that he had been wrong but fortunately he's sending the found phone back.

Just last night we were talking about our granddaughter. We called her by her nickname and he couldn't remember her real name. I was shocked, reminded him of her real name, and he came up with the excuse that he was tired. This is ludicrous. He is in total denial and angry that I have pointed out his forgetfulness. He refuses to see a doctor. I have spoken at length to our family doctor, a gerontologist, who met with my husband and says only time will tell if he has Alzheimer's. But what do I do while my husband is still somewhat competent but clearly showing signs of potential dementia? His grandmother died of Alzheimer's at the age of 63. Family members tell me to take him to a neurologist. He adamantly refuses to go. It took everything in my power to get him to our family doctor. I don't know what I can do. He's not that bad yet but I don't want to wait until he's so incompetent that I can have him carried off somewhere.

PAlady · ‎04-27-2010

I am sorry to hear about your husband. Maybe you can find a support group near you and go to a meeting and ask them how they handled this, you may get some good tips or they may be able to send to you the right direction.

Good luck.

LTT1 · ‎03-09-2010

@Vivian

You are in a tricky situation.

A young lady (former student) has now moved, given up her job, and is taking care of her mother, who has early onset dementia. Her husband, her dad, is in denial.

You can see from an objective point of view, that this young lady has lost so much of the freedom of young adult life. It is sad.

The idea of a support group is a good one. Perhaps others can prepare you for the inevitable downward spiral.

Has the MD recommended any Alheizmer's meds for your husband? You really need the support of the medical community in order to carry out the steps necessary to keep both of you safe from harm.

It DOES sound (to me) like you are witnessing some signs of mental deterioration. Also, it is a well-known fact (I have read) that people can become angry and show personality changes due to dementia. Watch for the condition to get worse "after sundown."

Please make sure the gerontologist knows what you are seeing and when you are seeing the behaviors that are concerning.

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I wish you well, but remember, if you are not well-rested and healthy, you cannot be as good for your husband.

~Have a Kind Heart, Fierce Mind, Brave Spirit~

2blonde · ‎03-10-2010

My heart goes out to you, and I believe your conclusions are on target. Surely at this point he recognizes that something is wrong, but he is in denial (wouldn't you be?). I'm hoping he will soften up once he can accept that he has a problem. In the meantime, I also think a support group is a great idea. God bless, and good luck to you.

Laura loves cats!

Ibby114 · ‎03-10-2010

When the signs were there for my stepmom (who had been in our lives 30+ years), my Dad made sure all the paperwork was in order- that medical and financial power of attorneys were handled- the wills (his as well as hers- since he was on dialysis) as well. Your dh might be in denial but I can tell from your post you're not- it'll make things easier in teh future if items like this are taken care of during his current state.

Mz iMac · ‎07-26-2014

"He refuses to see a doctor."

"Family members tell me to take him to a neurologist."

Your family members are correct. Perhaps you can enlist family members on taking him to a neurologist.

The earlier you get treatment for your husband the better for YOU & him. Especially, if you will be the main and/or only care giver. Otherwise, your only other alternative is to place your husband in a nursing home....one that deals w/dementia and/or Alzheimer's which are two different medical conditions.

"Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."

Mactective · ‎04-07-2015

There is an awesome book that might help you. It's entitled Untangling Alzheimer's by Dr. Tam Cummings. I work in the field and this is the only book I ever recommend! This is a very difficult situation for you and your husband. Throughout the journey, don't forget to take care of yourself.

game-on · ‎03-22-2010

I bet that your husband is experiencing some pretty powerful feelings about all of this..... and fear might be at the top of his list. Fear of losing one's independence, fear of losing one's mind.... that must be scaring the living daylights out of him. And then he has to battle you for his existence.... or that is the way it must feel.

Being the spouse/caregiver of a person who is going thru this is not an easy role to be in.... so his problem affects you in a big way. However, being an adversay isnt going to help.

I know you dont want to be the adversary but his slow loss is putting you in this position.... and it doesnt feel good.

I think you need some tools to help you deal with this.... i know i would look things up on the internet, read any books i could find, ask for sources, go to a group....

I think will be a learning process.... and i know it will not be easy.... so be kind to yourself....

Mz iMac · ‎07-26-2014

Another resource is your local SENIOR Social Service. This department can advise you of all the local resources available to you & your husband. Take full advantage of them all.

Most are located in your town's Municiple Building.

"Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."