Petty or have a point? - Page 9

kitty60 · ‎03-13-2010

I find it difficult to give advice on this. I as dil was very involved in my fil's welfare. Everyone around claimed to care so much yet noone stepped up to the plate to do anything. I did all the running, got him the necessities and made sure he had money for incidentals. (DH appreciated me doing this for his dad but it took the burden off him.) In my case the others wouldn't step up to the plate financially, his wife didn't see the need for him having any money including money for clothing once he was out of her hair. He was my fil and a dear so I took care of him and my husband and I paid for it out of our pocket. I only hope we helped make his final time a little easier.

silentgirl · ‎08-19-2016

@Dash wrote:
@silentgirl wrote:

The positioning of the name on the check really has no importance legally-That's a personal thing-I say, let it go-Although, it does seem that there are just to many spoons in the pot regarding financial access-

It seems your Father is still capable of making his own decisions, so I wonder who is named as Power of Attorney on the accounts? Legally-The only individual, who has any real power while your Father is alive, is your father’s Power of Attorney-And that power can only be given by your Father through legal documentation. The POA position and responsibilities are broken into several areas - They may all be the same individuals or different for each.

Executorship begins at death when the POA ends but, only after it has been filed with courts-It is different for all states as is the title-IE; Executor, Attorney in Fact, Personal Representative, etc.

I personally would attempt to keep all responsibilities to the legal aspect of the spectrum, be grateful for the help and try to share all other responsibilities with my siblings to the extent that you can and those who are willing-

If all this has been asked and answered apologies-haven’t read entire thread yet.

Look, I know you and the other posters mean well, but most of what is in this post and the others is wrong from a legal standpoint. I'm a lawyer and I beg you not to guess on what you think the law is or what posters tell you on this site. The legal issues are very complex and your dad needs independent legal advice. Keep in mind also that the law is different in every state.
Your sister-in-law and you might be the most, loving caring people with the best of intentions. But that is not the point. Your father is in assisted living and may need many years of expensive care. An elder law attorney can help him plan for those financial contingencies and making sure his wishes are respected. But adding people on bank accounts can create very big problems with planning for payment of long-term care.
I mean no disrespect to other posters, they all mean well, but these are legal questions and your father deserves sound legal advice.

I've a great deal of respect for attorney's @Dash, have four still practicing in my family-Three estate attorney's, one as a contract/copyright attorney-and I understand your concerns and thoughts with respect to your post as well.

I would ask respectfully, that you as a practicing attorney correct anything I might have posted that is in fact, incorrect, so the record of my post stands corrected for my benefit and the benefit of others reading-I would not want to post any inaccuracy's-

My opinion, of course, was just my opinion-it may or may not have value-according to my preference, as to how I would handle something in the question of "petty or have a point"-

Though I would wholly agree, yes, law and families are complicated –and advice from qualified individuals is always advisable-

Look forward to your corrections-

SaRina · ‎04-17-2015

I'll go back and read responses when I have more time....

It's very nice that your SIL is so caring and helpful to your father, but it seems to me there is absolutely no reason for her name to be on any of your father's accounts. Your brother and you are named and that should be sufficient, practically speaking.

If your father wants your SIL's name on the account for convenience -- because she is the one who is physically there and doing things for him -- that's still not a good enough reason. Your brother is there too and even if he is working all day, he is still as available as his wife to handle his father's finances from day to day.

If your father wants to do this as a means of thanking his DIL for her help, there are other ways to say thank you. Perhaps he would like to leave her something in his will for the time and attention she is giving him now. I just don't think it's appropriate for her name to be on any of his accounts. I would try to have a talk with your father about it. I would not sign off on any new paperwork.. and it is a very good idea to consult with an attorney. I have seen some very ugly things happen as a result of family greed.

BTW, I understand your feelings. Jealousy and resentment are normal. Also, you should trust your instincts if your SIL seems too involved. Only you know.

Dash · ‎04-24-2015

I'm sorry, I can't and won't give legal advice on the internet. You seem to have a good general understanding, but it's not good legal advice. I really didn't mean to pick on you. Many people are giving advice that is not appropriate. If the question is simply, do you think SIL is pushy and over stepping her bounds, fine. That's a legitimate question. But the question of who should be on bank accounts and agents under DPOAs are legal and should be addressed to a lawyer. My intent in posting is to persuade OP to get competent legal advice for her father and not rely on internet posts or stories of what worked or did not work for other families. Every situation is different. The laws in each of the states are different. So it is not prudent to give advice without knowing all of the circumstances.

My biggest concern for OP is the cost of long-term care for her father. She does not raise this issue, but with so many people involved in this man's finances it is conceivable that costly mistakes could be made.

Dash · ‎04-24-2015

@silentgirl wrote:
@Dash wrote:
@silentgirl wrote:

The positioning of the name on the check really has no importance legally-That's a personal thing-I say, let it go-Although, it does seem that there are just to many spoons in the pot regarding financial access-

It seems your Father is still capable of making his own decisions, so I wonder who is named as Power of Attorney on the accounts? Legally-The only individual, who has any real power while your Father is alive, is your father’s Power of Attorney-And that power can only be given by your Father through legal documentation. The POA position and responsibilities are broken into several areas - They may all be the same individuals or different for each.

Executorship begins at death when the POA ends but, only after it has been filed with courts-It is different for all states as is the title-IE; Executor, Attorney in Fact, Personal Representative, etc.

I personally would attempt to keep all responsibilities to the legal aspect of the spectrum, be grateful for the help and try to share all other responsibilities with my siblings to the extent that you can and those who are willing-

If all this has been asked and answered apologies-haven’t read entire thread yet.

Look, I know you and the other posters mean well, but most of what is in this post and the others is wrong from a legal standpoint. I'm a lawyer and I beg you not to guess on what you think the law is or what posters tell you on this site. The legal issues are very complex and your dad needs independent legal advice. Keep in mind also that the law is different in every state.
Your sister-in-law and you might be the most, loving caring people with the best of intentions. But that is not the point. Your father is in assisted living and may need many years of expensive care. An elder law attorney can help him plan for those financial contingencies and making sure his wishes are respected. But adding people on bank accounts can create very big problems with planning for payment of long-term care.
I mean no disrespect to other posters, they all mean well, but these are legal questions and your father deserves sound legal advice.

I've a great deal of respect for attorney's @Dash, have four still practicing in my family-Three estate attorney's, one as a contract/copyright attorney-and I understand your concerns and thoughts with respect to your post as well.

I would ask respectfully, that you as a practicing attorney correct anything I might have posted that is in fact, incorrect, so the record of my post stands corrected for my benefit and the benefit of others reading-I would not want to post any inaccuracy's-

My opinion, of course, was just my opinion-it may or may not have value-according to my preference, as to how I would handle something in the question of "petty or have a point"-

Though I would wholly agree, yes, law and families are complicated –and advice from qualified individuals is always advisable-

Look forward to your corrections-

Hi. I responded to you, but it did not pull the quote.

SeaMaiden · ‎03-10-2010

@hyacinth003 I can see your concern.....perhaps a little jealousy? The SIL seems to have stepped in and taken a daughters spot caring for your Dad. How does that make you feel? ..and her name below your Dads....yours below hers.....yes, that would upset me too.

But, overall, the main concern should be your Father's welfare and happiness. It is a good thing that he has all three of you to love him and make his final years happy. Your a father knows who his real blood daughter is.

If it really bothers you....talk to your Father about it.

scatcat · ‎03-15-2010

@silentgirl wrote:
@Dash wrote:
@silentgirl wrote:

The positioning of the name on the check really has no importance legally-That's a personal thing-I say, let it go-Although, it does seem that there are just to many spoons in the pot regarding financial access-

It seems your Father is still capable of making his own decisions, so I wonder who is named as Power of Attorney on the accounts? Legally-The only individual, who has any real power while your Father is alive, is your father’s Power of Attorney-And that power can only be given by your Father through legal documentation. The POA position and responsibilities are broken into several areas - They may all be the same individuals or different for each.

Executorship begins at death when the POA ends but, only after it has been filed with courts-It is different for all states as is the title-IE; Executor, Attorney in Fact, Personal Representative, etc.

I personally would attempt to keep all responsibilities to the legal aspect of the spectrum, be grateful for the help and try to share all other responsibilities with my siblings to the extent that you can and those who are willing-

If all this has been asked and answered apologies-haven’t read entire thread yet.

Look, I know you and the other posters mean well, but most of what is in this post and the others is wrong from a legal standpoint. I'm a lawyer and I beg you not to guess on what you think the law is or what posters tell you on this site. The legal issues are very complex and your dad needs independent legal advice. Keep in mind also that the law is different in every state.
Your sister-in-law and you might be the most, loving caring people with the best of intentions. But that is not the point. Your father is in assisted living and may need many years of expensive care. An elder law attorney can help him plan for those financial contingencies and making sure his wishes are respected. But adding people on bank accounts can create very big problems with planning for payment of long-term care.
I mean no disrespect to other posters, they all mean well, but these are legal questions and your father deserves sound legal advice.

I've a great deal of respect for attorney's @Dash, have four still practicing in my family-Three estate attorney's, one as a contract/copyright attorney-and I understand your concerns and thoughts with respect to your post as well.

I would ask respectfully, that you as a practicing attorney correct anything I might have posted that is in fact, incorrect, so the record of my post stands corrected for my benefit and the benefit of others reading-I would not want to post any inaccuracy's-

My opinion, of course, was just my opinion-it may or may not have value-according to my preference, as to how I would handle something in the question of "petty or have a point"-

Though I would wholly agree, yes, law and families are complicated –and advice from qualified individuals is always advisable-

Look forward to your corrections-

@silentgirl I'd take Dash with a grain of salt. Hmmm

Angel_Girl · ‎03-10-2010

I agree with @Dash. You need to find a lawyer who specializes in Elder Law.

And go with your gut if you think there might be a problem. Because our sixth sense tells us a lot about things we already know.

PurpleBunny · ‎03-09-2010

@hyacinth003 is she more involved with him than you - does she do more? If so and he trusts and loves her, then she should have priority on the check book because she does the most for him. You should realize that you are very lucky that she takes such good care of him.

( \_/ )
(='x'=)
( " )_( " )

PurpleBunny · ‎03-09-2010

@Nightowlz wrote:
IMO she's not family & should not be on his checking account. We just went thru the same thing. I'm on dad's so is my sister but he also listed a step sister which is another story. She is also Co-Executor or whatever they call it with my sister as Executor on his Will. If something happens to my sister before dad then that goes to me. Dad finally took the step sister off his checking & she will no longer Co-Executor. That will only make problems. She has had financial difficulties for years so not good for her to be able to get her hands in the so called cookie jar. She lives in the same town as dad but does not help him like she used to because she's not getting the handouts with his money since dad is paying for a sister & brothers bills. She keeps calling us saying he needs to go into assisted living. I think she needs to mind her own business since it's not her dad. It's not time for that yet & he would not go anyways. We stayed out of it when she sued the hospital when her mom died & dad stayed out of that too.

She IS family. She is his daughter-in-law.

( \_/ )
(='x'=)
( " )_( " )