Petty or have a point? - Page 3

Big Sister · ‎05-15-2010

@hyacinth003 You are having these feelings and they are telling you to be alert. I would be concerned, also, about her getting toooooo involved with you dad's finances It may all be innocent, but listen to your gut; it's telling you something. If I were you, I could not help but be suspicious.

What if you refused to sign the bank card. It seems to me that you and your brother should suffice as signers on his accounts.

You know her well and we don't, and there's a lot we don't know, so go with your intuition.

GCR18 · ‎07-03-2013

If there are three names besides dad on the checking account, who is expected to pay the bills? It's going to be tough to manage if all three are paying bills. I'm guessing the bills will be minimal with the new living arrangements. At this point, it may cause a family rift to bring it up. I'd let it slide.

hyacinth003 · ‎03-12-2010

@chrystaltree wrote:
@Perkup wrote:
I guess I'm a little confused here. If you are all three on the checking account, what possible difference can it make what order the names come in? Does this matter to the bank? I would definitely ask someone at the bank whether this has any importance.

No, the order doesn't make any difference at all to the bank or anyone else except OP.

I think I've gotten YOUR point of view already!

Hyacinth

ellaphant · ‎12-13-2010

Sorry, I would not agree to this at all.

And does this mean you and your brother are not taking care of the financial things your dad requires? Paying bills, etc? If so, I would clear that up immediately.

hyacinth003 · ‎03-12-2010

@ellaphant wrote:
Sorry, I would not agree to this at all.
And does this mean you and your brother are not taking care of the financial things your dad requires? Paying bills, etc? If so, I would clear that up immediately.

She was constantly going in and out of his house. They lived very close.

He doesn't have a computer. She would be there and they would be talking. She would ask him if he wanted her to do things. She then did them. Like make his bills auto payment, making calls on his behalf, etc. Helpful is GOOD, it is what I consider strange overinvolvement that is bothering me.

Example - a situation occurred that made us look into assisted living. As we talked, I said I would call the place as I had contact with them before. She says okay, and before I received a call back, she emailed them (same day) and got a response. I had thought the call would work faster, I was aware of the email option. She made an appointment before I received a call back. Not an isolated incident.

Hyacinth

KathyPet · ‎03-09-2010

she sounds like a overactive busy body who gets a feeling of self worth from feeling that she is needed to help out your father even if she isn't. HAve you asked your father why he wants her on the account since you and your brother already have access? I would listen to what his reasons are for adding her.

VaBelle35 · ‎03-10-2010

There are many battles ahead.

Choose your battles wisely.

Is this the hill you want to die on? Probably not.

Sign the form, get your name on the account and get online access so you can monitor.

===================================
QVC Shopper - 1993

# IAMTEAMWEN

VaBelle35 · ‎03-10-2010

.

===================================
QVC Shopper - 1993

# IAMTEAMWEN

Moonchilde · ‎05-23-2010

@hyacinth003 wrote:
@ellaphant wrote:
Sorry, I would not agree to this at all.
And does this mean you and your brother are not taking care of the financial things your dad requires? Paying bills, etc? If so, I would clear that up immediately.
She was constantly going in and out of his house. They lived very close.

He doesn't have a computer. She would be there and they would be talking. She would ask him if he wanted her to do things. She then did them. Like make his bills auto payment, making calls on his behalf, etc. Helpful is GOOD, it is what I consider strange overinvolvement that is bothering me.

Example - a situation occurred that made us look into assisted living. As we talked, I said I would call the place as I had contact with them before. She says okay, and before I received a call back, she emailed them (same day) and got a response. I had thought the call would work faster, I was aware of the email option. She made an appointment before I received a call back. Not an isolated incident.

Hyacinth

You said you would call (but may not have said "I'll call tomorrow morning" or anything to indicate when you planned to call). So, she sent an email, possibly figuring two attempts at contact would be better than one, and her communique was answered first rather than yours. I see no ulterior something going on even if you did give her a timeframe. And you're annoyed that her choice just happened to work faster. And your "isolated incident" comment just verifies that you don't like it when she appears to be more efficient and/or more on the ball with things than you are. Yes. I see.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all

millieshops · ‎03-09-2010

@hyacinth003You don't tell us whether your brother is upset by this or is pleased that his share of caring for your father is now shared with his wife. Is he as upset as you are? If so, you do have a real problem beyond your feeling rejected (which I think is just very human.)

Another thought is that having only family on a checking account is little related to keeping that account safe. Statistics show a huge amount of theft is actually done by family. A friend of mine went through that very think last year when she and her brother discovered that the sister who was doing the finances had used thousands of dollars to pay her own bills. The pain of that betrayal was huge.

You'll need to choose - seeing your father have comfort and care would be my paramount concern. If you piush your SIL aside, will you assume the efforts she has been making? Will stepping in also push your brother out of the picture and leave everything to you? Any ideas on those issues?

Proceed with care and love.