OMG! Kill switch died - Page 6

september · ‎03-09-2010

My thoughts continue to be with the OP. I know what she’s dealing with, and how some family members can be so helpful, while others just make life more difficult.

I was fortunate to have two children who supported me and trusted the decisions I made regarding their dad, my husband.

september · ‎03-09-2010

@CrazyDaisy wrote:
@september wrote:
@PamfromCT wrote:
I don’t pretend to know the history of all this, but the thought of anyone with Alzheimer’s disease driving a car would likely induce me to take desperate measures.
I completely disagree. It isn’t that hard to keep extra keys away from someone who can’t drive anymore. Many of us are doing it or have been there, done that.
Every person and every situation is different. Be thankful that it was easy for you to take the keys away from someone who should not be driving. For many others it is not as simple. Based on the father ripping the camera out in the garage indicates how difficult the situation has become. Judging the daughters actions is silly, the mother had to know both the camera and the kill switch had been installed and went along with it. Makes me wonder if the kill switch actually malfunctioned or was set off by someone who should not be driving.

I never said I had an easy time dealing with this issue...far from it. Went through it with my husband and my dad. Both were adamant that they were still fully capable of driving.

But it we got through it without hidden cameras or “kill switches”. Those measures seem extreme to me.

ETA: want to add that it’s easy “physically” to hide keys. But as far as dealing with the person you want to keep from driving...that’s a whole other issue. That’s emotional and is hard on both sides.

Financialgrl · ‎03-13-2010

@chrystaltree wrote:
Well, YOU don't alzheimer's so if she did it without your permission then she definitely over stepped and was incredibly presumputious. There would be no excuse for that. But if you knew, then all you can do is let them tow the car and fix it. If your husband is still driving then I totally understand the need. That's the thing with Alzheimers, they lose the ability to make good judgements and to see beyond what they want. So, reasoning with them isn't possible.

@chrystaltree That was the hardest thing for me to learn. My Grandfather had Alzheimers, my father had advanced dementia and my boyfriend died of Alzheimers. Until I accepted their diagnosis I still would try to reason with them. I did so knowing that it was useless but I always had to TRY.

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

I have learned that those of us dealing with loved ones with Alzheimer’s must constantly adjust to what is happening at the moment. There are good days and bad days. Regardless of the ups and downs it is always important to remember that you’re dealing with a person who has had a vivid life. In my husband’s case, he was a professor at a research university. He was also an administrator there. I always remember the essence of his personality and background when dealing with him. He is only at the mid level of his illness. The problem my daughter had is that she treated him as if he were in the end stage of his illness. Taking everything a day at a time is key.

riley1 · ‎03-10-2010

@Vivian - My Mom had this disease and it is awful for the person with it as well as the family members. You can only live one day at a time. Today might be a great day, tomorrow, not so much. Enjoy the good days, because as you said your DH is in the early stages.

Perhaps your daughter should contact an alzheimer's support group so she can better help you when the time arises.

If she continues to do things like cameras and kill switches, you must tell her to stop. It's hard enough on you and you are doing the best you can.

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

LTT1 · ‎03-09-2010

@Vivian

Well, our DD is pretty much in denial and has pretty much backed off from “becoming involved.”

I understand her position.

Our PCP also has abrogated any involvement, too.

~Have a Kind Heart, Fierce Mind, Brave Spirit~

Anonymous032819 · ‎03-29-2019

Or, maybe the daughter is seeing the situation for what it actually is, and the o/p is in denial about how bad the situation is.

The husband is in mid-stage of Altzheimer's and he's still driving?

What is the o/p waiting for to have happen in order for him to stop driving? Is she waiting for him to actually kill someone first, before she takes away the keys?

By then it will be too late.

And what is her being in the passenger seat going to do?

Just how is that going to prevent her husband from running someone over?

At least the daughter is being pro-active, and isn't living in denial.

Is saying "No, you can't drive" easy?

No, it isn't.

Having gone through this with my parent, it was an argument, but I had to think of the safety of others, and not would be easiest on me, which was trying to avoid an argument.

The Sky looks different when you have someone you love up there.

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

@Anonymous032819,

As a newbie to the boards, I urge you to do a lot of reading and get to know a poster and their circumstances before you jump in with both feet and criticize.

The OP is extremely knowledgeable and aware of her husband’s condition. She’s got this; her daughter however, even with the best intentions, has made things more difficult than they already are.

Anonymous032819 · ‎03-29-2019

All I know is, after her husband's first accident, that should have been her wake up call to take away the keys, that he was going down hill mentally.

The next time could be deadly.

What if he mistakes the gas pedal for the break, and plows in to a crowd of people? Again, how is her being in the passenger seat going to prevent that?

Answer is, it can't and wouldn't.

It is best to take the keys away before an accident happens, and not after.

I can guarantee you, that is guilt that one does not want to have, the "I could have.. I should have".

But, be that as it may, you have your opinion, and I have mine, and I side with the daughter.

It's better to be proactive than reactive.

The Sky looks different when you have someone you love up there.

Bri369 · ‎11-03-2018

@RedTop wrote:
@Anonymous032819,
As a newbie to the boards, I urge you to do a lot of reading and get to know a poster and their circumstances before you jump in with both feet and criticize.

The OP is extremely knowledgeable and aware of her husband’s condition. She’s got this; her daughter however, even with the best intentions, has made things more difficult than they already are.

She isn't a newbie at all.