Among Friends

[Carmie]

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@chi5925 wrote:

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@Carmie wrote:

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@chi5925 wrote:

I'm like many of you here.

1. I prepared my Last Will

2. Prepared a document stating exactly how I want my funeral

Had a gathering of my sons; gave each of them a copy of Will + funeral wishes and discussed each document in detail.

Kept copy of all for myself and told them where my copy is in my home.

I also want to be cremated but have no pre-paid for funeral.  There will be money in my accounts for my sons to pay for everything (both boys have P of A over  my bank accounts + medical P of A).

I learned from my parents who did exactly this and, believe me, it was SO helpful to organize everything and not have to struggle and think about how to do things when they died.  That was a VERY emotional time anyway so I can't imagine having to make those kinds of decisions when no written instructions were left.

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I hope you are aware that a POA is no longer valid when you pass.  It dies with you.  You might want to discuss this with an attorney or have your sons on your bank accounts or they will not be able to access your funds for burial.

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That's an interesting point you bring up.

My attorney recommneded NOT to have sons on my bank accounts because

a) as beneficiaries of my estate, they would have access to accounts by providing a death certificate to the banks and then the banks would have them sign a Pof A; and

b) if they were on my accounts, that money is considered theirs also and if they were involved in any litigation, those accounts are considered fair game since their names on on them.

Maybe each state is different, but where I live, my bank (Citibank) said that once a name is added to an account that account belongs to all names. 

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Well I agree with you and what you said makes sense.  But know 100% in all 50 states that a POA is no longer valid the second you leave this world.  And I know from experience that it is difficult to get access to a persons bank account once they pass.  

My sister was on my Aunt's account for years.  When my Aunt passed my sister did not have to pay estate taxes on any of it because it already was hers to begin with.  A certain family member wanted that money, but she couldn't get a dime.  It was a good thing and my sister is honest and my Aunt trusted her.  

IT is not a good idea to have anyone on your account if you don't trust them.

[daisey10]

We have both decided on cremation, no funeral etc.  The thought of being laid out and people saying she looks good gives me the chills.

[Ms X]

I'm pleasantly surprised to see how many don't favor the traditional funeral customs of our society.  I have always hated them and avoided funerals whenever possible.  All the black, the casket, and the intense morbidity intensify the sorrow and IMO make it harder for loved ones to go on.  People have the memory of all this rather than the memory of the living person.  With my parents getting old, I dread this hideous ritual that I guess we'll have.  I just want to be cremated with no service and don't even want my ashes scattered.  I'm not sure where they'd be scattered.  In my yard?  I don't think so.  At the ocean?  I can't swim and so that idea somehow seems threatening, though, obviously, I wouldn't have to worry about drowning.

My grandfather was like me.  He never went to anyone's funeral.  Oddly, he had a mausoleum built (I don't even know what that is) for himself and his sons.  He was an old Italian and did not include his daughters because they belonged to their husband's family.  I still remember his funeral and wake.  I sat at the back of the funeral home and dared not go near the casket.  It would have freaked me out even if it was closed. 

I think the idea of an Irish wake in the form of a dinner with plenty of drink is much more humane and conducive to healing and good memories of the deceased.  My mother says to me, "You can't just put them in the ground."  She goes along with these traditions because she thinks they mean respect.  I really don't want to go to her funeral, or anyone else's.  I think there's a better way.

[Sooner]

To me, this is a question that should be answered by the survivors.  You'll be dead, what do you care?  Let them do what they want--and make it clear that you are FINE with anything they choose to do!  Some people need and want the funeral experience for their loved one, some don't.  It should be up to them totally.

At least that is the way I feel.  I could not care less what happens to my body after I'm through with it.

[Mom2Dogs]

@daisey10...I do not want a funeral either. I am married and have no childen but I do have 2 step kids.   I want to write down what I want when the time comes but am having difficulty....it 'feels' to me that I (well not me- but appoint someone) should do something....possibly have a reception...but reception sounds odd....my husband feels like I do but, I will need to consider his kids...tough decisions but I want to get it all written down so there are not problems when the time arrives.

[SXMGirl]

We have decided not to have any services.  It will either be cremation or, my preference, to just have my body taken to one of the body farms.  I know that I would not be aware of anything, but being extremely claustropobic, I could never be buried, and fire is not appealing but better than burial.  So hopefully it is the body farm for me.

[Puzzle Piece]

We have discussed this.  I will be cremated and the ashes placed with my husband when he passes on in his casket.  No services necessary either, just the American flag for my husband, a vet and a patriot.  The creator knows/knew our hearts. 

I'd like for my cats ashes to also be placed into the casket with us as well.